Fwd: Feelings.
naboth675
<naboth675@...> wrote:
IN genuine christianity it is commonly held that the christian in
an ongoing relationship with Jesus will be gradualy shaped into his
image. This is not to imply that we become clones. We are blessed
with differing personalities and when christianity works we can
often see the best potential of those traits. What happens in the
cultic fellowship discipleship process is something very different
however. They use unbiblical and manipulative practices to shape us
into the image of a pastor. They call this an impartation of spirit
which is actualy a gross misrepresentation of scripture.
Part of this corrupt practice is based on attacking legitimate
feelings. We are then imprisoned and restricted from being who we
really are. We are both rational and emotional creatures. Both
aspects play a legitimate part in our lives in regards to the kind
of person we are and will become. The fellowship is successful in
part because it causes people to become emotionaly stunted and numb.
The fellowship will deny brainwashing but the constant bashing from
over the pulpit can result in an emotional washing that cleanses
anything the fellowship does not approve of.
Part of how it works is the often repeated phrase that certain
things are the devil speaking to you or the devil tempting you.
Legitimate emotions are coldly blown away as carnal or sinful or
fleshy and the christian as a result of this constant emotional
bashing becomes emotionaly numb.
You have probably noticed that sermons are highly charged with
certain emotions. We are naturaly designed to recoil in certain
circumstances. The trick of the fellowship is to teach you to be
open to such abuse and to even welcome it until your emotional state
is shot to pieces and you either break up or get hardened. Some
ministers and disciples have reached an advanced stage in this. They
can develop a close friendship with someone over many years and then
write them off in a minute. Many show the bizarre traits of a
Mitchell complex. They act like and speak like him. They even begin
to think like him and undoubtedly to some degree feel like him.
Those who take the discipleship process seriously enough may well
undergo some personality change. When once as a new convert this
person loved everyone they are now arrogant and judgemental with
just enough christianese to fool those who don't look very hard or
don't know what to look for. All feelings are filtered through the
cfm checklist and a snap decision is made as to whether it is of
God, the devil or the flesh. Many are taught to emotionaly control
themselves. Ernie Toppin taught this when he described how to feel
the right things. By continuing to confess certain doctrines and
percieved fellowship truths over and again the feelings will
inevitably follow. What this man is actualy teaching people to do is
to brainwash themselves if such a thing is actualy possible.
His sermons were an emotional rollercoaster ride.
I recall walking with him one evening as we leafleted an area in a
nearby town. He had been pastor for several months and I was trying
to weigh up a few things about his preaching and the way he related
to people. Much as he was trying to be liked I felt that their was
something a bit unnatural about him. He was also worryingly intense.
He gave the appearance of being just a little unstable. I put the
thoughts to the back of my mind but later I was to have good reason
to go back to them.
Sometimes Toppin would fly off at a tangent about a topic completely
unrelated to the sermon. On other occasions he would show strong
paranioa and demand that we believe that God was speaking through
him. Sometimes her would get very threatening with his preaching. In
the early days he was very nice to us. Too nice in fact. It just
didn't seem genuine. Occasionaly he would make a speach about how
good it was to be involved in normal healthy fellowship. He seemed
to pride himself in this ability like it was an achievement. Most of
us just take stuff like that for granted but it was like Toppin was
saying, 'look I am normal.' A normal person doesn't need to point at
his or her normality. Toppin however did numerous times.
A young man shared a private matter with him once {I have reason to
believe that Toppin was pressuring him and others into opening up
private details of their lives in the name of accountability.} The
brother in question also shared with me what he shared with the
pastor. About that time on several occasions their were outbursts
from the pulpit about this very issue and in an increasingly
agressive and confrontational manner. Toppin believed strongly in
confrontational preaching and in hitting the issue hard to drive it
home. The young man in question eventualy drifted from the church
but not before showing signs of mental instability. I have since
seen him and he is in an awful state over a year since leaving the
church. He has the appearance of shell shock. Toppin on a number of
ocassions would stress that he was very much against controlling
people. Again he emphasised it a bit much for my liking then he
began poking his nose into the private affairs or myself and others.
Some of the things were plain silly. He always gave the impression
of being 'concerned'.
Another thing he practiced was to mess me around time and again
concerning ministry. After I left I though he did this simply
because he was inexperienced and maybe just a little stupid but now
I suspect otherwise. There is no rationale for what he did. He was
just messing me around. He said he accepted mt decision to step down
from all ministry for a season but right up to the end he kept
trying to get me back into something only to pull me out again weeks
later. Often he would claim divine leading for this. At other times
I was left completely in the dark. He would offer no explanation
whatsoever and would act as if I did not exist.
Another manipulative aspect of Toppins ministry is the habit of
embellishment of things that happened to him. Also he
used 'suggestions' to get people to do what he wanted. He knew a man
in the church was about to make a career decision so he stepped in
and gave him a bible study and the man was told that Toppin heard
this from God and so he went along with it. Toppin effectively made
the decision for him. He tried to do this to me time and again.
All these things can mess with a persons mind. Toppin is a great
reader of peoples feelings. He makes claims about the attitudes of
your heart he couldn't possibly know. All this stuff is designed to
make you bow before the omniscient Toppin and be conformed to his
image. His problem was the disciples of the previous pastor. I
realise that we were a problem to him. He overemphasised the
opposite there too interestingly enough. His attitude was to break
us so that we would blindly follow him. Sometimes he would just go
off in a service about submission to himself. It was wierd. By the
time he pulled the stunt of moving us to a run down cheap building
and awarding himself a wage courtesy of the church, everybody was
following every word he said. Even the intelligent ones were not
thinking for themselves any more. I just felt numb. My heart was not
in this move. I just went through the motions. I felt like an alien
in my own church. Something was wrong with this whole thing and I
just couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Toppin uses broken and brainwashed people who are submitted to him.
He does the breaking himself. The mind games and the hysteria are on
a whole new level and yet the people in the church are so convinced
that he is a man of God who is leading the church the way God
intended. They think it and they feel it too. They have even learned
to enjoy it. I saw one of them at the door of the church one time as
I walked past. She had a haunted look about her. She was one of the
more sensitive ones and yet she is still there today. I was partly
responsible for her staying in the church in the first place. It
reminds me of a couple of pictures I saw of an ex cult member. The
first picture showed her as a happy young girl and the second showed
her as a member of a discipleship cult. The incredible thing is that
she thought she was happier in this cult yet the pictures say
exactly the opposite. One of the most dangerous things in these
groups is to become a person you are not. The personality altering
effect of these groups can take years to put right. I CAN ONLY HOPE
THE WOMAN I SAW AT THE CHURCH DOOR GETS OUT WITH HER MIND INTACT.
regards...naboth675
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