helping a loved one with their condition

[Shelly]

Hi there,
just wanting to know if others have had a hard time coming to terms
with their epilepsy, especially if recently diagnosed, and how they
delt with the restrictions that their condition brought upon their
usual way of life. My partner is having a real hard time with not being
allowed to drive, he thinks he has no life now especially as we live
rural. He's also not coping with increases in medication and
sideaffects to stabilise his seizures. And to top it off he won't eat
regular meals, misses doses of meds and sometimes has drinking binges.
I don't know how to get him to realise his limits and that I care
enough about him and am concerned for him.
from Shelly

[musictherapy]

Shelly,
That sounds like me in my teen yrs when I was in denial about my
epilepsy. I never wanted to let anyone know about it especially the
kids in school. I'm now 26 and trying to get my life together one day
at a time. Best thing I can say is well I know i'm going to sound like
his mother ...don't drink silly while on AED's they have side effect...
i think it intensifies it by like 2 or 3 times a normal person off
meds, And if they are uping his meds that alone should make him kind of
dizzy or light headed alone. i've lived in a rural neighborhood my
whole life growing up and still do. I have to walk 30 min to the
closest bus route. Not to mention it's all uphill. Have you thought
about maybe shakes or something fast for him to snack on with his
meds.... i think most meds say take with food.
Effie

[Shelly]

Thanks Effie for your reply. The effects of alcohol on my partner now
that his meds have been increased have also increased his memory
blanks, his behaviour and his whole personality in that the way he
portrays himself to others out in public, I'm actually getting afraid
of leaving him alone in the house whilst I'm at school. I've come home
and found him with a huge lump on his temple from having fallen over
and crashed into a kitchen chair. I'm almost at the state of ringing
the police to get them to confiscate his car keys and license that I'm
sure he must have lied about on his renewal to have been reissued it.
Another time I came home and he had attempted to drive to our nearest
country town 5 mins away, ran out of petrol in the main street and
couldn't get it to start, so apparently abused the lady at the servo
who claims he had alcohol on his breath. I know he hides alcohol in the
boot of his car, because I've caught him with it. I try to ration him
if he does want a drink but I know he has no self control when it comes
to limiting himself. How on earth do I get him to realise what he's
doing to himself. I know I could pull the hard love method and tell him
to move out but I'm also 35 weeks pregnant with our baby. I just want
him to realise that I love him enough to want to help him but know he
has to want to help himself first.
Has anyone out there ever had to deal with this type of anguish before?
Shelly

[Joy Gangadharan]

I was in ur hubbys place with some differences and I am a changed man today after the birth of my son 3 months back. Will send u a detailed reply. Love ur hubby as b4.

--Joy

[cjohn...@new.rr.com]

Shelly, I am sorry that the two of you are going though such a trying
time. Your partner is at this point doing two things that are
self-destructive. First and foremost....it is vital that he takes his
meds, secondly...drinking lowers the threshold for breakthrough
seizures. With time and the right combination of medicines or as I
brought to someone's attention earlier in the week, a vagus nerve
stimulator implant (not brain surgery), his seizures can be under
control. While states differ, in some if a person is seizure free for
as little as 6 months they are allowed to drive. Most communities have
a support group that meets on a regular basis (once or twice a month),
it would be helpful for both of you to attend.

Craig