1. Wen a lady is Pregnant,all her Frnds touch her Stomach n say "CONGRATS"
But,none of dem comes & touch mens Penis n say "Well done"
Hardwork is nvr appreciated
2. Teacher asked a girl - Which part of human body expands 5 times its normal size..
Girl- I can't answer this question. I feel Embarrassed .
Teacher asked the same question to a boy.
Boy- Pupil of human eye..
Teacher- correct..
Then he turned to the girl & said-Listen Baby, not only is ur thinking wrong but also ur expectations are too high..
3. Akber ne apni biwi ko surprise dene ke liye apne niche ke baal katwa diye,aur chupke se so gaya
Biwi ne jab neche haath lagaya to boli "BIRBAL" tum kab aaye...?
4. A Prospective husband in a book store: Do U have a book called "Husbands - the masters of Wife"
Sales Girl: Sir Comics department is on 1st floor
5. One spelling mistake can destroy your life !
A husband wrote a sms to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word...
" I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her "
6. Husband:Hi darling!
Wat r u doing?
Wife:I'm dying!
Husband:Wowwww!
I can live happily ever after
Wife:U idiot, rascal; i'm dyeing my hair!
7. Girl to Ramdev-if i kiss a boy to kya hoga?
Baba-narak me jaogi.
Grl-Acha agar aapko kiss karu to?
Baba-chalak ladki swarg me jana chahti hai
8. ABBREVIATIONS Which Are Not Known To Many Of Us:
CHESS- Chariot, Horse, Elephant, Soldiers.
COLD- Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
JOKE- Joy Of Kids Entertainment.
AIM- Ambition In Mind.
DATE- Day And Time Evolution.
EAT- Energy And Taste.
TEA- Taste And Energy Admitted.
PEN- Power Enriched In Nib.
SMILE- Sweet Memories In Lip Expression.
BYE- Be With You Everytime.
9. Height of POSITIVE thinking:
dukhi Premika Premi se:
1 buri khabr h, Meri shadi pakki ho gyi h
Premi: Chalo achha hua. Ab condom k bina b sex kr sakenge
10. 3 log marne k bad swarag k darwaje par pahuche
1st bola -mai pujari hu mene aapki zindagi bhar sewa ki mujhe andar aane do.God-next.
2nd-mai doctor Hu. maine zindagi bhar logo ki sewa ki mujhe andar aane do..God-next..
3rd- mai shadishuda hoon
God-Bas kar pagle rulayega kya, chal andar aaja...
11. God - what do u want?
Boy: a very beautiful girl.
God - if u r a Muslim I'll give u Katrina, if u r a Hindu I'll give u Kareena, if u r a Christian I'll give u Genelia, What's ur name?
Boy: Abdul Jinender Fernandes.
God:- Dolly Bindra de saale ko. . Bahut oversmart ban raha hai...:
12. Husband is seriously ill.
Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, cook tasty dinner,dont discuss ur problems, ...no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels, ...Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband : wat did the doc say ?
Wife : No chance for u to survive...
13. Truth of Life
Husband makes a mistake, wife shouts & husband says sorry.
Wife makes a mistake, husbands shouts & wife cries; & husband again says sorry!!!
14. Woman buys a new sim card puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, makes her voice sexy and calls her husband with the new number:
"Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later honey, that bitch is in the kitchen"
15. Santa ne bank se loan lekara Car li.
Paise wapas na kar saka
to bank wale Car le gaye.
Santa-
pEHLE pata hota to shadi b bank se loan lekar karta.
16. Wife: Kal aap ne Girlfrnd k saath Movie dekhi..??
Husband: Kya kare, Aaj kal ke Movie Biwi Bachon ya Family ke saath dekhne laayak kaha hai..
17. Sarkari Nai (Barber) ne baal kaat-te waqt Kapil Sibbal se poochha - Saab ye Swiss bank wala kya lafda hai ?
Kapil Sibbal shouted - Abey tu baal kaat raha hai ya inquiry kar raha hai ?
Nai ( Barber)- Sorry saab aise hi poochh liya.
Agle din Pranab Mukerji se bal Kaat-ke waqt poochha - Saab ye kala dhan kya hota hai ?
Pranab shouted - Tum humse ye sawaal q poochha ?
Nai - Sorry saab bas aise hi poochha liya.
Next day CBI interrogated the Nai - Are u an agent of Baba Ramdev ?
Nai - Nahi saab ji.
CBI - Kya tum Anna k agent ho ?
Nai - Nahi saab ji.
CBI - To tum baal kat-te waqt Congressi netaon se faltu k sawaal q karte ho ?
Naayi - Saab na jane q Swiss bank aur kale dhan k naam par in Congress wale ke baal khade ho jate hain aur mujhko baal kaatne me aasani ho jati hai isliye poochhta rehta hoon.
18. Worries at the start of d day means u are still alive!
*Clothes that don't fit means u have a good appetite.
*Tears in ur eyes means there is sumbody u care 4.
*The mess to clean after party means u have friends around u.
*Roof that needs fixing means u have got a house.
*Taxes to pay means u r not unemployed.
*Msg on ur mobile means there is somebody who remembers u.
Learn to be optimistic in life because everything around u happens for u.
19. A Lady:- Do U know LIONS have sex 4 to 6 times with different Partners in a Single Night...?
2nd Lady:- Oh Shit!... I joined "ROTARY Club" only last week..
20. HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE.
ENEMIES has 7, bot so does FRIENDS..
LYING has 5, but so does TRUTH...
HURT has 4, but so does HEAL....
NEGATIVE has 8, but so does POSITIVE...
Transform every negative energy in to an aura of Positivity....
21. Untold msg to be taken from ZNMD:
Here you go.
• Never ever show your girlfriend the gift you got for your Mom or sister.
• Never flirt with your best friend’s girlfriend; he’ll not forgive you till he gets his next.
• Your friend may still accept if you flirt with his girlfriend but never ever mess with his BB.
• Close your room’s door before you video chat with your fiancée, rather never video chat with your fiancée.
• If hit hard, even tomatoes hurt.
• Love & Sex are beyond any boundaries especially linguistic boundaries.
• If two of the three friends date one girl, and third one somehow couldn’t – he’ll one day call her a bitch.
• And last but not the least – Holidays are a must - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara !
