That's a typical rookie mistake.
Never fall for a skeleton, she will only let
you down.
I should know, it happened to me once. her name was
broomhilda and she had a very large club.
At first I was stunned. I didn't think I could ever
fall for an ogre, especially an undead one. I thought to myself..." In all the
prisons Of all the dungeons in all the fantasy games, she had to rise from the
grave in mine."
But she grew on me. The way she would mangle
someone's head in...the cool way she would flurry all over the place. Oh yeah,
she was something, and she was all mine. I would give her little looks , you
know, something to show her that she wasn't just a minion to me, that
she was special, and she would return my looks with those hollow eyesockets
that would say to me,"I'm undead for you".
It was special. Really special. But then the day
came when dwarfboy, my buddy got wacked by a couple of bugbears.
Well, as I was mourning his loss, some shaman zaps
him and he gets himself all zombified.
The second broomhilda looked at dwarfboy, and
saw that he was as undead as she was, I knew that things would never be the same
between me and my skeleton fun slave. Soon, she only had eyesockets for
him, and he was constantly leaking body fluids leaving heart shaped little
patterns on the floor at her feet. I grew jealous, enraged, or maybe that
was my barbarian special ability. Either way, I knew that if I couldn't have
Broomhilda, noone could!
So one day dwarfboy was fighting some minataurs and
so didn't see me casually offer my Broomhilda a Pina Colada with a tiny little
umbrella. She drank it, and well, let's say she fell to pieces after that.
1 part gin, 2 parts Healing potion will do that to the
undead.
When dwarfboy found out, I could see that he blamed
me for her death. He died of a broken heart you know. That is because I ripped
it out and broke it real good. I am a barbarian after all.
Well, anyway, as dwarfboy died...again...I
knew that I would never love a skeleton again like I did Broomhilda. No,
there would never be another like her. So there it is,the whole tragic love
story. Take it from me kiddo, if you get your heartstrings tangled up with a
sexy ogre skeleton, all you will get is bitter large metal club to the head
disappointment. Sigh.
Take Care,
Grundar the Brutal
Barbarian at large
"The truth will set you free"
Jesus Christ of Nazareth 33A.D.