Revision (Thesis/Topic Sentences/ Purpose/Audience)
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Carl Roach
Sep 28, 2011, 6:48:03 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer:
Name Of Reviewed Writer:
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
Is the intended audience apparent?
Is the author's purpose apparent?
Name Of Reviewed Writer:
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
Is the intended audience apparent?
Is the author's purpose apparent?
Emily Sams-Vitalone
Sep 28, 2011, 6:53:53 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer: Emily Sams-Vitalone
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Delana McCarroll
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
The thesis statement makes a clear assertion about what can happen
physically and mentally to a person when they smoke.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
Yes, each individual paragraph has a topic sentence.
Is the intended audience apparent?
Yes, smokers.
Is the author's purpose apparent?
Yes, she informs people of the dangers of smoking.
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Delana McCarroll
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
physically and mentally to a person when they smoke.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
Is the intended audience apparent?
Is the author's purpose apparent?
Delana McCarroll
Sep 28, 2011, 6:53:54 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name of Reviewing Writer: Delana McCarroll
Name of Reviewed Writer: Emily Vitalone
1) Yes. The thesis statement is: Many Chicago Public Schools have
recently announced a 90 minute extension for their school day.
2) No, there really aren't separate topics per paragraph.
3) Yes, the audience would be anyone living in or near the city of
Chicago who have children in the CPS system.
4) Yes, the purpose is to inform the readers of the extended school
day and the pros/cons involved with the extension.
Name of Reviewed Writer: Emily Vitalone
1) Yes. The thesis statement is: Many Chicago Public Schools have
recently announced a 90 minute extension for their school day.
2) No, there really aren't separate topics per paragraph.
3) Yes, the audience would be anyone living in or near the city of
Chicago who have children in the CPS system.
4) Yes, the purpose is to inform the readers of the extended school
day and the pros/cons involved with the extension.
Kayla McCoy
Sep 28, 2011, 6:54:59 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer: Kayla McCoy
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Julia V. Wal
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
a good stand but could be a little more in depth.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
Is the intended audience apparent? yes
Is the author's purpose apparent? it could be made a little more
apparent by adding a little more facts and getting into it further
with the audience.
Julia Vander Wal
Sep 28, 2011, 6:55:16 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Julia Vander Wal
Reviewed Writer: Kayla McCoy
Thesis statement: Yes, her thesis makes the assertion that kids need
to be educated about sex in a productive way before their view can be
warped by T.V. programs and other general media.
Topic sentences:Each paragraph has a topic sentence indicating what is
going to be focused on for the remainder of the section. In some of
her paragraphs, she could make her topic sentences clearer.
Audience: Yes, the audience is very clear. Her web text is aimed at
young students who need to be informed about sex and their parents.
Purpose: Yes, her purpose is to persuade people that sex ed in
school's is absolutely necessary especially in this day and age where
sex is so openly regarded and accepted.
Reviewed Writer: Kayla McCoy
Thesis statement: Yes, her thesis makes the assertion that kids need
to be educated about sex in a productive way before their view can be
warped by T.V. programs and other general media.
Topic sentences:Each paragraph has a topic sentence indicating what is
going to be focused on for the remainder of the section. In some of
her paragraphs, she could make her topic sentences clearer.
Audience: Yes, the audience is very clear. Her web text is aimed at
young students who need to be informed about sex and their parents.
Purpose: Yes, her purpose is to persuade people that sex ed in
school's is absolutely necessary especially in this day and age where
sex is so openly regarded and accepted.
brandy lopez
Sep 28, 2011, 6:56:33 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer: Brandy Lopez
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Maria Chavez
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
• Yes, there is a thesis statement. Yes, It does make a clear stand
and assertion. The thesis statement is saying that bilingual education
is going to become obsolete is there isn’t something done about it.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
• Yes, they do and the make perfect sense as to what the paragraphs
under them are talking about.
Is the intended audience apparent?
• Yes it is. Teachers, parent, and students of bilingual students, and/
or future bilingual students
Is the author's purpose apparent?
• Yes it is. She is trying to give information and bring forward the
situation of bilingual education being dropped.
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Maria Chavez
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion?
and assertion. The thesis statement is saying that bilingual education
is going to become obsolete is there isn’t something done about it.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
under them are talking about.
Is the intended audience apparent?
or future bilingual students
Is the author's purpose apparent?
situation of bilingual education being dropped.
Jorge Campos
Sep 28, 2011, 6:57:48 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Eric Jorgensen
Yes. It does, the thesis statements asserts the inefficient way the
schools are funded across the country.
They do each paragraph is written in way the paragraph give the reader
an important piece of the entire message.
Yes. Parents, Federal, State, and Local government departments that
oversee school funding across the jurisdiction.
Yes. The author suggest that education reform is needed so that every
child receives as much resources as the next.
Yes. It does, the thesis statements asserts the inefficient way the
schools are funded across the country.
They do each paragraph is written in way the paragraph give the reader
an important piece of the entire message.
Yes. Parents, Federal, State, and Local government departments that
oversee school funding across the jurisdiction.
Yes. The author suggest that education reform is needed so that every
child receives as much resources as the next.
Terrell Frank
Sep 28, 2011, 6:58:13 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer: Brandy Lopez
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Terrell Frank
1. Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand
or make a
clear assertion?
Yes, there is a thesis that makes a stand.
clear assertion?
2. Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important
because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
Yes, each individual sentence has a topic sentence.
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
3. Is the intended audience apparent?
Yes, the intended audience is apparent.
4. Is the author's purpose apparent?
Yes, the author’s purpose is apparent.
Maria Chavez
Sep 28, 2011, 7:00:50 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
1. Name Of Reviewing Writer: Maria Chavez
2. Name Of Reviewed Writer: Terell Frank
3. Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make
a
clear assertion?
--- From reading my partner’s webtext I am not clear or certain about
what the thesis statement is. I think that his thesis statement might
be that there are both pros and cons the ‘No Child Left Behind Law’
but I am not sure.
4. Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
cannot tell if there are any topic sentences or not. I think that he
should divide up the information into paragraphs so that the readers
do not get tired or overwhelmed by the reading.
5. Is the intended audience apparent? –There is a intended audience
and it is more than likely composed of students, teachers, school
principals and any other person who might be interested or effected by
the ‘No Child Left Behind Law.’
Is the author's purpose apparent? –Yes, the author’s purpose is very
apparent. His purpose is to inform the people of the pros and cons of
the ‘No Child Left Behind Law.’ The information is coherent and it
accomplishes its purpose—to inform.
2. Name Of Reviewed Writer: Terell Frank
3. Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make
a
clear assertion?
--- From reading my partner’s webtext I am not clear or certain about
what the thesis statement is. I think that his thesis statement might
be that there are both pros and cons the ‘No Child Left Behind Law’
but I am not sure.
4. Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences?
– Since my partner’s webtext is not divided into paragraphs (chunks) I
sentences?
cannot tell if there are any topic sentences or not. I think that he
should divide up the information into paragraphs so that the readers
do not get tired or overwhelmed by the reading.
5. Is the intended audience apparent? –There is a intended audience
and it is more than likely composed of students, teachers, school
principals and any other person who might be interested or effected by
the ‘No Child Left Behind Law.’
Is the author's purpose apparent? –Yes, the author’s purpose is very
apparent. His purpose is to inform the people of the pros and cons of
the ‘No Child Left Behind Law.’ The information is coherent and it
accomplishes its purpose—to inform.
Eric Jorgensen
Sep 28, 2011, 7:02:00 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Name Of Reviewing Writer: Eric Jorgensen
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Jorge Campos
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
clear assertion? Yes it does. The point is that the first stimulus
package wasn't good enough, and that we need another one.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
sentences? yes, mainly. there are paragraphs that I feel are sub
paragraphs of the previous main point.
Is the intended audience apparent? Yes, the audience would be those
that actually care about our national level of debt, and also possibly
politicians that could work to have an affect for the better on it.
Is the author's purpose apparent? Yes, to influence those that could
help fix the issue of national debt. Also to possibly get other on
the sidelines into the movement to help.
Name Of Reviewed Writer: Jorge Campos
Is there a thesis statement? Does the thesis take a stand or make a
package wasn't good enough, and that we need another one.
Just like thesis statements, topic sentences are important because
they guide readers. Do the individual paragraphs have topic
paragraphs of the previous main point.
Is the intended audience apparent? Yes, the audience would be those
that actually care about our national level of debt, and also possibly
politicians that could work to have an affect for the better on it.
Is the author's purpose apparent? Yes, to influence those that could
help fix the issue of national debt. Also to possibly get other on
the sidelines into the movement to help.
Sarah Addington
Sep 28, 2011, 7:03:41 PM9/28/11
to ENGL 10500-22
Yes there is a thesis statement but it can be cleaned and shortened.
The thesis statement does take a stand.
Each paragraph has a topic sentence that guides readers.
The audience for this piece is apparent. It was written for parents or
caregivers with students in these grades as well as administrators and
teachers.
The purpose is also apparent because she believes 5th grade shouldn't
be in middle school.
I reviewed my own because I wasn't here for peer review and everyone
is paired up.
The thesis statement does take a stand.
Each paragraph has a topic sentence that guides readers.
The audience for this piece is apparent. It was written for parents or
caregivers with students in these grades as well as administrators and
teachers.
The purpose is also apparent because she believes 5th grade shouldn't
be in middle school.
I reviewed my own because I wasn't here for peer review and everyone
is paired up.
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