short story draft

[Minerva, A]

Hi Prof. O'Connell here is my draft on my short story. I posted it so
you can have it when we meet tomorrow. I will appreciate any advice
you can give on my story. Thanks a lot!

It was a hot and dry evening at the mountainous terrain in Kabul,
Afghanistan and James could see the sweat dripping down from his
forehead to his lips. He tasted his own sweat and it was not pleasant;
it was a mixture of dirt, fear, and desperation. Wherever he looked
it seemed empty with nothing but sand and desolation. James could
hear in the background his fellow soldiers complaining a bout the heat
and the tiredness they were feeling. James reached to his back pocket
taking out a once nice browned leather wallet. He took out a picture
of two beautiful teen girls, his daughters, whom he missed so much.
It was Heather’s birthday, his youngest daughter; he would not be with
his family for the third consecutive year. He had missed all the
birthdays, graduations, and home coming events for his beloved
children. The light of hope he had to return home this year was
dimming due to President Obama’s broken promise about the withdraw of
troops from Afghanistan. The Obama administration is in retrocession
since they are trying to send an extra 40,000 troops to that
country.
It was James turn to use the phone and his daughter, Tiffany,
answered, “Hi dad how is everything there, do you know that I love
you? I am going to fly to Washington D.C. tonight at 8:00 pm.” James
replied, “Tiffany you should not continue with your idea about pushing
up that bill.” Tiffany’s face turned red with anger and she said,
“Dad! You know I will not stop until I get that bill passed. We need
you home!” James muttered,
“Tiffany where are going to get the money to pursue such idea?”
Tiffany continued,
“Dad do not worry about that we can ask friends, sell the house, and
use your pension plan to give to Senator David since he is in favor of
the withdraw of troops from Afghanistan.” “Tiffany that is bribing!
And I am just serving my country. I am desperate too because many
innocent people are dying in this war, but I have to stay committed to
my duty as a U.S. citizen and member of the army”, James argued.
Tiffany’s eyes begun to fill with tears of helpless thoughts because
she wishes her father understood that he could lose his life at any
time. She feels that this is a wrong war and that nothing could be
accomplished by fighting this war. “Dad I understand your bravery on
serving your country but I know deep down in your heart you do not
agree with this war. It is destroying peoples’ lives, affecting our
economy, and tearing families apart like ours.” She begun to cry
silently of the pain penetrating her heart on the idea of not seen her
father again. Her father told her his time was up; somebody else
needed to use the phone.
Next morning in the U.S. Senate hallway Tiffany meets with Senator
David before the senate session on passing the “Withdraw the troops
from Afghanistan” bill starts. “Please Senator David vote yes on this
bill since you are the deciding vote. You would change thousands of
families’ lives. The economy will improve if the federal money that
is invested in this war is used domestically on education, health
care, and improve global warming”, Tiffany begged. David stared at
her with an inquisitive look. It seems that he wanted her to read his
mind. He rubbed his forehead and looked down in a gesture of
disappointment. “As for the gift I promised you it will be in your
hands within three weeks”, Tiffany said. The senator nodded his head
approvingly and said, “I will do it for the people that voted for me.
I surely know how society thinks about the Afghan war. The surveys
prove that the majority of U.S. citizens want our troops out of this
war. But, please make sure the gift gets on time for my vacation.”
Tiffany began to quiver of the emotion it caused her to know that if
the bill passed the senate it had better chances to get signed by
President Obama and her father will be coming home soon. The senate
session started at 10:00 am and will end around 3:00 pm. Tiffany was
praying Senator Davis keeps his promise. She was feeling anguished as
the hours passed by. She stayed outside the building imagining the
scene inside the congress room. Her mind flew back to the years when
her father took care of them as her mother died of cancer and her
father never married again. She was eight years old and her sister was
six when this tragedy occurred. Tiffany began to tremble with the
idea of losing her father in the war. He and her sister was the only
family she had. She could not endure another calamity of this extent.
Meanwhile in the session things were heating up since the entire
congressman knew that Senator David had the deciding vote.
Republicans and democrats were giving their points to withdraw the
troops from the war or abide it. It was Senator Davis’ turn to speak,
“The Long War has affected our economy dramatically. Billions of
dollars have been wasted in this battle. America is fighting the wrong
war because it is not our culture, not our country, and not our
people. America has many problems locally that can not afford to
invade a country that has totally different believes. It would not
make any difference if we withdraw now because we have been there for
almost eight years and nothing has been accomplished. Taliban members
are still raping, burning, and killing women. The crime rose
amazingly in 2008 in Afghanistan. Civilian casualties are grater than
terrorist. I know my time is about to expire and my vote is in favor
of this bill.” A great deal of talking arose from the senate seats.
Tiffany saw David coming out of the building and her face illuminated
as she saw the great smile on the senator’s face.
After some weeks the news papers head lines read, “President Obama
signs a bill to withdraw troops form Afghanistan.” There was a cheer
in the faces of Americans who wanted this episode on their lives for
many years. Tiffany and her sister felt they were day dreaming when
they heard the TV news. They run up and down the house like little
girls after receiving a prize for completing an assignment. Four
months later Tiffany and her sister were in the airport waiting for
their dad to arrive. James appeared in gate four with his soldier
uniform; his face was darkened by the constant exposure to the sun in
Afghanistan. He was very lean and also looking older than we was.
James looked around in disbelieve as he walked toward his daughters.
Tiffany embraced him with such strength that he felt suffocated.
Heather started to cry in childish manner and said, “Daddy you are not
going back this time, right?” James emotions could not be held back
and in a silent cried he replied, “No my baby this time daddy is
staying home.” Tiffany said, “Dad I now know I will pursue a
political career because I want to make a difference in our political
system and be the voice of the people.”
Ten years later Tiffany makes history by being elected as the
youngest senator. James is leading a non-profit organization that
helps families who lost a relative in the Long War. Heather is in her
second year of medical school. This family is an example of how
democracy could be exercised by the people.