New Here

[Layla Rose]

I've always been an empath, growing up w/a mother who didn't understand and had little empathy made me extremely averse to intimate relationships and friendships, as well as many other things.

I recently had to give up my apt. in the city up north, and was forced to move in w/my BFF of over 20 years, who is a highly sensitive person, empathic on occasion, but doesn't get the infectious feelings/attributes thing, or just has a savant like ability to shut it out. Anyway, It's been really challenging living with people that are differently abled than myself, I have a disability, chronic fatiuge, pain, & ADHD, plus being an extrovert empath. I do better with going out, the coming home to solitude. I lived alone for over 15 yrs. And vowed never to go backward. But the rent on my apartment was most of my (very limited) income and I couldn't even buy new shoes, plus I had neighbors who harrassed me, which had a very negative impact on my health. They moved out over a year ago, but then the new neighbors began exhibiting the same behaviors: playing music a little too loud and a little too long and a bit earlier in the day. I have a delayed sleep phase disorder as well, do better and feel better when allowed to sleep until past noon every day. I used to work 9-5, which contributed to my decline, it was like doing everything backwards. I feel physicall ill when I have to be up early.

Anyway, I'm getting a lot of empathic absorption from my BFF, if she's talking to me while I'm making my dinner for instance, I begin to display behaviors that are like her, spacy, forgetful, but in a way that is different to my own type of forgetfullness. It's unnerving. I will forget major things that I wouldn't otherwise forget if I'm alone. Last night she was in the other room, but not in my space, which is really hard, but it is beginning to affect me even more, even when she's not in the space. I love her, and it's only been 2 mos (tomorrow), but if it's this bad now, what will it be like in Sept. when I'm ready to move out. I've placed an ad to find a room. I live in VA. Beach, so if you know any other people who are maybe understanding, I have a cat, need a room where I can be alone & a non-smoking environment, in a (hopefully) childfree place. I am very desperate. I don't want this experience to ruin our friendship. Living together has ruined 2 other friendships. They were never the same after living together. And she's the best person I've ever known. But I really need help.

Today I feel like cotton is stuffed inside my head. I can't think of anything except the empathic entanglement, another term I came up with like quantum entanglement, but with empathic abilities. I really hate feeling other stuff. I like when it's all happy vibes. I'm a childfree person as well. I don't have the baby love thing at all. Just love my cat. I hope I don't sound bitter. yesterday I was having a serious aggravation meltdown b/c she sprung something on me suddenly and it impacted my behavior when I thought I'd have some time & space to do my wake up routine. I know I've written a lot. I just need a lot of venting and blowing off steam. It's kind of the only way I can stay sane w/o solitude.

I hope someone out there can help or just give me a bit of understanding.

Thanks for reading