Empath and relationships

[karlaa_...@ymail.com]

Hi everyone,

I came across empathy and empaths in 6th grade, when I couldn’t understand why I was different and processed emotions differently. Here I am now, 23 years old and I’m still struggling with the understanding of what it means to be an empath. I feel so deeply. Everything. Absolutely everything. This has caused me to fall in love way beyond what I knew was possible. I have come to a understand that my significant other simply can’t love me to the depths that I do, something which I have made peace with. We have been together for 4 years and he is the complete opposite of an empath. He had to endure significant childhood trauma which has caused him to 1. hide his feelings deep where he can’t feel them and 2. have a hard time understanding other’s feelings. I like to think that God brought us together to balance each other out. We have made it this far because of my ability to empathize with him. I am able to feel his frustration and in return I’m able to understand why he is the way he is, which has led me to accept him for whom he is. He is the only person I’ve ever loved. I never knew what I was in for when I fell for him, so naturally I let myself fall. It was very difficult at first, trying to get a hold of all the different emotions and frustrations. However, I managed to learn his triggers so he wouldn’t say hurtful things. I’ve tip toed my way around him as to not explode him but my feet are getting tired. I have learned my triggers as well and try to avoid them because once I feel an emotion, I feel it deeply and for days sometimes. We had been doing great for around 6 months. No major argument, no hurt feelings, and lots of happiness. Again, I felt it at a much deeper level than him. So last night when we had a major argument I felt myself spiral down into a wave of emotions I hadn’t felt in a while. His way of coping with an argument is space and I did just that. We slept in different rooms and I waited all morning for him to be ready and nothing. Meanwhile, I’m going down a deep hole of hurt. I went to talk to him and he said some things that deeply hurt me. After much hurt, I came to the realization that I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want things that won’t hurt the average person as much to hurt me deeply. I wish I could accurately explain the amount of pain I feel. I have been contemplating with thoughts of how I can be tougher and it seems almost impossible. I want to know if any of you have been in this same path. I feel hopeless. I feel like I will forever be stuck in this cycle of loving really hard, being extremely happy, and then being extremely sad when it doesn’t go the right way. Any tips on how to not let myself feel so deeply? I’m tired of hurting so bad.

If you read through all of this thank you!! It is nice to know I’m not the only empath out there and that forums for us exist!

[Gary]

Welcome to the group. 

Sounds like it may have been a soul call. Some people can be toxic to empaths. 

There is a lot going with what you've said, and he sounds like he may have sociopathic tendencies, which are the bane of Empaths. 

You might find The Empath Guidebook useful. It's free. 

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