Re: [empath- ESG: 16598] Digest for empath@googlegroups.com - 1 update in 1 topic

[Cameron Ruen]

Please know that you are not alone ever. 

You have likely not let yourself feel anger yet. I just healed myself through forgiveness and I think you can do it too!

Part of how you voiced your thoughts made me realize that empaths take on others’ pain to try to heal their own and it doesn’t work. 

Also, the way forward really is forgiveness. So many things have happened in my life and it’s not even been a week since I have risen from my depression and don’t feel afraid. Maybe for the first time ever (in this lifetime)? 

It’s the simple and oh so hard answer. I first forgave my parents. Then myself. Then an avalanche I didn’t even have to try for! 

It’s worth noting that I’ve recently learned in a trauma informed care training that our past dictates so much of our subconscious processing and when we go into hurt like you are describing, we shut down our thinks ng brain and go back to the blocks we haven’t healed yet. 

I have a lot of resources to offer. Let’s connect! 

It sounds like I was running similar programs  like you up until last weekend. 

Cameron 

On Fri, Aug 14, 2020 at 10:41 AM <emp...@googlegroups.com> wrote:

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• Empath and relationships - 1 Update

Empath and relationships

karlaa_...@ymail.com: Aug 13 11:00AM -0700 Hi everyone,   I came across empathy and empaths in 6th grade, when I couldn’t understand why I was different and processed emotions differently. Here I am now, 23 years old and I’m still struggling with the understanding of what it means to be an empath. I feel so deeply. Everything. Absolutely everything. This has caused me to fall in love way beyond what I knew was possible. I have come to a understand that my significant other simply can’t love me to the depths that I do, something which I have made peace with. We have been together for 4 years and he is the complete opposite of an empath. He had to endure significant childhood trauma which has caused him to 1. hide his feelings deep where he can’t feel them and 2. have a hard time understanding other’s feelings. I like to think that God brought us together to balance each other out. We have made it this far because of my ability to empathize with him. I am able to feel his frustration and in return I’m able to understand why he is the way he is, which has led me to accept him for whom he is. He is the only person I’ve ever loved. I never knew what I was in for when I fell for him, so naturally I let myself fall. It was very difficult at first, trying to get a hold of all the different emotions and frustrations. However, I managed to learn his triggers so he wouldn’t say hurtful things. I’ve tip toed my way around him as to not explode him but my feet are getting tired. I have learned my triggers as well and try to avoid them because once I feel an emotion, I feel it deeply and for days sometimes. We had been doing great for around 6 months. No major argument, no hurt feelings, and lots of happiness. Again, I felt it at a much deeper level than him. So last night when we had a major argument I felt myself spiral down into a wave of emotions I hadn’t felt in a while. His way of coping with an argument is space and I did just that. We slept in different rooms and I waited all morning for him to be ready and nothing. Meanwhile, I’m going down a deep hole of hurt. I went to talk to him and he said some things that deeply hurt me. After much hurt, I came to the realization that I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want things that won’t hurt the average person as much to hurt me deeply. I wish I could accurately explain the amount of pain I feel. I have been contemplating with thoughts of how I can be tougher and it seems almost impossible. I want to know if any of you have been in this same path. I feel hopeless. I feel like I will forever be stuck in this cycle of loving really hard, being extremely happy, and then being extremely sad when it doesn’t go the right way. Any tips on how to not let myself feel so deeply? I’m tired of hurting so bad.   If you read through all of this thank you!! It is nice to know I’m not the only empath out there and that forums for us exist!

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Cameron Ruen
linkedin.com/in/cameronruen
Live like you mean it.
503.913.6792

[Peter Axelsson]

Dear little girl ! <3

There is a misconception among us who are bound to face the universe:

First, there is the matter of balance. We are tought that we meet the people we need to meet, and that our abilities as persons can be, and needs to be balanced of other people with other personal qualities.

Looking at the consequence of that logic: If you are a good at ursevery sensitive person, who cares for the wellbeing of this universe, you can contribute to the balance by dating an asshole who only cares for himself.

I agree of the things about the learning. Of course you will learn something eventually, if you live together with someone where you have to walk on eggshells all the time. But it is a learning that has very little to do with qualified universal learnings. It is more basic. Don't give yourself to assholes !

There's also the question of attraction.

Girls come into this world, finding themselves in a disadvantage of physical strength. They are taught to do the productive, kind things, while the boys act out and brag about their superpowers.

So when a girl is  insecure, and looks at two boys, one kind and lame schoolboy, and one aggressive with tattoos  and everything, she does not realize that the lame school boy can take the tattooed  guy apart in a blink and eat him for breakfast, because he doesn't brag about his aggression .

If you want to live a good life, look at how your needs for being secure connects with your choice of men.

The gift of empathy is not to be empathic to an asshole that will never change, it is a universal thing, and you need to cut loose the people that hold you back.

Love

Peter