Aqw Crag And Bamboozle

[Meri Thilmony]

Thelow-lying south-easterly aspect of the crag means that these are very much mid-winter routes that can only be climbed after a hard freeze, heavy snowfall and when the sun is low in the sky. Added to this, Corrie Bonhard (together with several other Glen Clova cliffs such as Winter Corrie, Coire Fee, Juangorge and Craig Maud) sometimes carries a bird restriction from February 1 to July 31.

ok you goto yulgar /join yulgar and ask drudgen plz if theybring it out do the quests spin wheel or the assistant or if ur memgoto tercessuinotlim and goto miltoniuss shop and buy the crag andbamboozle pet and click on em and click on crags (the sneevil)exclamation mark then do spin wheels and the assistant but sorry ihave to say but the primal fang of miltonius is member only

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Sir, I am an able B.A. of a respectable Indian University, now in thiscountry for purposes of being crammed through Inns of Court and LawExam., and rendering myself a completely fledged Pleader or Barrister inthe Native Bar of the High Court.

To the highly educated native gentleman who searches your printedarticles, hoping fondly to find himself in a well of English pure andundefiled, it proves merely to fish in the air. Conceive, Sir, thedisgustful result to one saturated to the skin of his teeth in bestEnglish masterpieces of immaculate and moderately good prose extractsand dramatic passages, published with notes for the use of the nativestudent, at weltering in a hotchpot and hurley-burley of arbitrarilydistorted and very vulgarised cockneydoms and purely Londonprovincialities, which must be of necessity to him as casting pearlsbefore a swine!

And I have the honour to inform you of a number of cultivated livelyyoung native B.A.'s, both here and in my country, who are quite capableto appreciate really fine writing and sonoriferous periods if publishedin your paper, and which would infallibly result in a feather in yourcap and bring increase of grit to the mill.

I can also turn out rhymed poetry after models of Poets Tennyson,Cowper, Mrs Hemans, Southey, & Co.,done to a tittle, so as not to bedetected, even by the cynosure, as mere spurious imitation, but in everyrespect up to the mark and the real Simon Pure.

Therefore, Hon'ble Sir, do not hesitate to strike while the iron isincandescent and bleed freely, even if it should be necessary, prior toengaging your humble petitioner's services, to turn out one or more ofyour present contributioners crop and heels, and lay them on the shelfof their own incompetencies. Remember that the slightest act of volitionon your part can exalt my pecuniary status to the skies, as well asconfer distinguished and unparagoned ennoblement upon your cacothesscribendi.

But, heigh-ho! surgit amari aliquid, and his condescending patronagewas dolefully alloyed with the inevitable dash of bitters which, as PoetShakspeare remarks, withers the galled jade until it winces. For with aniron heel has Hon'ble Mr P. declined sundry essays of enormous lengthand importance, composed in Addisonian, Johnsonian, and Gibbonianphraseology on assorted topics, such as "Love," "Civilisation,""Matrimony," "Superstition," "Is Courage a Virtue, or Vice Vers?" andhas recommended me instead to devote my pen to quite ephemeral andfugacious topics, and merely commit to paper such reflections, criticalopinions, and experiences as may turn up in the potluck of my dailycareer.

What wonder that on reading such a sine qu non and ultimatum my voxfaucibus hsit and stuck in my gizzard with bashful sheepishness, forhow to convulse the Thames and set it on fire and all agog withamazement at the humdrum incidents of so very ordinary an existence asmine, which is spent in the diligent study of Roman, Common,International, and Canonical Law from morn to dewy eve in thelecture-hall or the library of my inn, and, as soon as the shades ofnight are falling fast, in returning to my domicilium at Ladbroke Grovewith the undeviating punctuality of a tick?

However, being above all things desirous not to let slip the goldenopportunity and pocket the root of all evil, I decided to let mydiffidence go to the wall and boldly record every jot and tittle,however humdrum, with the critical reflections and censoriousobservations arising therefrom, remembering that, though the fabulousand mountain-engendered mouse was no doubt at the time considered but afiasco and flash in the pan by its maternal progenitor, neverthelessthat same identical mouse rendered yeomanry services at a subsequentperiod to the lion involved in the compromising intricacies of alanding-net!

Benevolent reader, de te fabula narratur. Perchance the mouseybantlings of my insignificant brain may nibble away the cords ofprejudice and exclusiveness now encircling many highly respectableBritish lions. Be not angry with me therefore, if in the character of adamned but good-natured friend, I venture on occasions to "hint dislikeand hesitate disgust."

The majestic and magnificent matron, under whose aegis I reside for rs.20 per week, is of lofty lineage, though fallen from that high estateinto the peck of troubles, and compelled (owing to severely socialdisposition) to receive a number of small and select boarders.

Like Jepthah, in the play of Hamlet, she has one fair daughter andno more, a bewitching and well-proportioned damsel, as fine as afivepence or a May-day queen. Notwithstanding this, when I summon up mycourage to address her, she receives my laborious politeness with acachinnation like that of a Cheshire cheese, which strikes me all of aheap. Her female parent excuses to me such flabbergasting demeanour onthe plea that her daughter is afflicted with great shyness and maidenlymodesty, but, on perceiving that she can be skittish and genial in thecompany of other masculines, I am forced to attribute hercontumeliousness to the circumstance that I am a native gentleman of adark complexion.

In addition, I have the honour to inform you of further specimens ofthis inurbanity and bearishness from officials who are perfect strangersto the writer. Each morning I journey through the subterranean bowels of the earth to the Temple,and on a recent occasion, when I wasdescending the stairs in haste to pop into the train, lo and behold,just as I reached the gate, it was shut in my nose by the churlishnessof the jack-in-office!

At which, stung to the quick at so unprovoked and unpremeditated anaffront, I accosted him severely through the bars of the wicket,demanding sarcastically, "Is this your boasted British Jurisprudence?"

The savage heart of the Collector was moved by my expostulation, and heconsented to open the gate, and imprint a perforated hole on my ticket;but, alack! his repentance was a day after the fair, for the train hadalready taken its hook into the Cimmerian gloom of a tunnel! When thenext train arrived, I, waiting prudently until it was quiescent, steppedinto a compartment, wherein I was dismayed and terrified to find myselfalone with an individual and two lively young terriers, which barkedminaciously at my legs.

And they met my appeal with unmannerly jeerings, until the controller ofthe train, seeing that I was firm in upholding my dignity of Britishsubject, and claiming my just rights, unfastened the door and permittedme to escape; but,while I was yet in search of a compartment whereno canine elements were in the manger, the train was once more inmotion, and I, being no daredevil to take such leap into the dark, was asecond time left behind, and a loser of two trains. Moreover, though Ihave written a humbly indignant petition to the Hon'ble Directors of theCompany pointing out loss of time and inconvenience through incivility,and asking them for small pecuniary compensation, they have assumed therhinoceros hide, and nilled my request with dry eyes.

Crede experto. A certain young English gentleman, dwelling in theTemple, whose acquaintance I have formed, earnestly requested that Ishould do him the honour of a visit; and recently, wishing to be hailfellow well met, I presented myself before him about 9.30 a.m.

He greeted me with effusion, shaking me warmly by the hand, and beggingme to be seated, and making many inquiries, whether I preferred Indiato England, and what progress I was making in my studies, &c., and soforth, all of which I answered faithfully, to the best of my abilities.

After that he addressed me by fits and starts and longo intervallo,yet displaying so manifest and absorbent a delight in my society that hecould not bring himself to terminate the audience, while I was toconceal my immense wearisomeness and the ardent desire I had conceivedto leave him.

And thus he detained me there hour after hour, until five minutes pastone p.m., when he recollected, with many professions of chagrin, that hehad an appointment to take his tiffin, and dismissed me, inviting mecordially to come again.

If, however, it is expected of me that I can devote three hours and ahalf to ceremonial civilities, I must respectfully answer with a Noloepiscopari, for my time is more precious than rubies, and so I will begnot only Mr Melladew, Esq., Barrister-at-law, but all other Anglo-Saxonfriends and their families, to accept this as a verbum sap. and winkto a blind horse.

At the summit of the stairs I was received by a posse of polite andstalwart striplings in white kids, who, after abstracting large circularorifice from my credentials, ordered me to ascend to a lofty gallery,where, on arriving, I found every chair pre-occupied, and moreover wasrestricted to a prospect of the backs of numerous juvenile heads, whileexpected to remain the livelong evening on the tiptoe of expectation andShank's mare!

This for a while I endured submissively from native timidity andretirement, until my bosom boiled over at the sense of "Civis Romanussum," and, descending to the barrier, I harangued the wicket-keeperwith great length and fervid eloquence, informing him that I was graduate of high-class Native University after passing most tedious anddifficult exams with fugitive colours and that it was injurious anddeleterious to my "mens sana in corpore sano" to remain on legs forsome hours beholding what I practically found to be invisible.

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