Fwd: The Porcupine Marriage

[Felix wanjala]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Steve & Cindy Wright" <em...@marriagemissions.com>
Date: Aug 30, 2015 12:01 AM
Subject: The Porcupine Marriage
To: <wanj...@gmail.com>
Cc:

MARRIAGE INSIGHT: The Porcupine Marriage

Do you find that you and your spouse sometimes throw verbal barbs at each other, when you’re upset? Sometimes you or your spouse may very well hurt each other, even when that was never the intent. That’s called “The Porcupine Process.”

Dr Steve Stephens describes this matter in his book, “Experience the Difference.” He talks about porcupines and how they try to move closer together when they need warmth, and yet when they do, their quills poke each other, and it hurts. As a result, they’re in a dilemma… do they brave out the cold shivering alone, or do they find a way to come together somehow, to warm up? 

He writes, “Many marriages are this way. Certain forces bring us together and we hope that is the end of the story. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, marry, and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, life rarely goes smoothly. Nobody is perfect and no relationship is made in heaven. Putting together two imperfect beings will create difficulties. As soon as we come together, something happens and we pull apart.

“The key for the porcupines is to learn how to lay down the quills so they don’t stick out and poke their partner. This is also true of marriage. The porcupine next to us is not our enemy, but our friend and ally, confidant and encourager, and a whole lot more.” 

This is another quote that we couldn’t agree more on… we’ve lived it for over 40 years together. Because we’re so different from each other, it’s only natural that our differences sometimes irritate and even hurt the other. But we’ve learned that we need to find ways to find ways to work through those differences as a team (even though many times it’s not easy). We’re still learning along with you… but I can tell you, that when we apply ourselves to finding a way to make it all work so we’re a marital team, rather than two “porcupines” continually sticking it to each other, marriage can be good –very, very good. We pray that for you (and for us). 

“All of us have a little porcupine person in us that can rear its ugly head out sometimes. In every one of us there’s a beauty & some kind of beast. (Lee Ezell) The Bible tells us that, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise bring healing.” (Proverbs 12:18) Do you speak to your spouse recklessly so your words pierce –or do you ‘speak the truth in love’ so your words bring healing?”

We write a little bit more about this “process” in this Marriage Insight, posted on our web site at www.marriagemissions.com. We hope you’ll check it out, read it, and apply what you can learn, as well as take advantage of other marriage helps we have posted.

Hope your week is a good one. We pray the efforts you put into your marriage are blessed,

Cindy and Steve Wright

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