Man & Wife

[a ankit]

Hi all,

I know the group has been dead for a while. But I just completed my first piece of poetry in ages and I really wanted to share it with you. It may seem a little amateurish with all the rhymes. But do tell me if you can understand the story.

Thanks

Man & Wife

She looks the prettiest when she is asleep

Like the day when I gave her my heart to keep

Her long locks across her face

While her hips moved with a cat like grace

Ours was a love so black and white

Every night she would bind me tight

We married after a year

On our wedding night my screams you couldn’t hear

Blind in love I didn’t see

The danger lurking beneath me

She used me at her will

Kept me in the basement like a pigeon tied on a sill

All day I would call out her name

With love for I had no shame

I didn’t understand how it went down

She had just returned from town

I licked the plate with my belly full

Did not see the trigger pull

Like a dog in a pound

I heard the sound

That took my life away

Still my love for her did not sway

I stayed back

To find a way to make up that which I lack

I observed her every night

The face which held my heart tight

I still didn’t see the fangs beneath the lips

All I wanted was to caress those hips

It all changed that night

When she brought home a knight

In our wedding bed I watched them toss

Lurking close to the ceiling shedding tears of loss

Then the bubble burst

And I saw the monster with a bloody thirst

I realized when I saw her eyes glow

Same fate awaited this fellow

To save his life I flew to the ground

Just as he was about to pound

Poor chap was scared for his life

When he knew he was doing a ghost’s wife

Swinging the sword he tried to kill the dead

Didn’t realize when he hit her head

Her veins sprayed blood

The man ran letting his sward drop with a thud

I saw her leave her body behind

To join me in this unearthly bind

Finally I have my lover as I wanted

But I didn’t know in my death too I will be haunted

By the woman who took my life

Because now we are a ghost duo, man and wife.

 

 

 

[Renuka Gupta]

Hi Ankit 

Great to know that u are at it still,it's a beautiful poem,story is quite clear,may be too much of rhyming is killing it (that's my take, I may be wrong)

Renuka

One member of ghost Eggheads

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[Ramesh Menon]

Good one Ankit.

Sometimes, it is good not to worry about rhyme as it gives you  more space to manipulate imagination and let thoughts run more freely.

Keep writing please.

Ramesh

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[Ankit Govil]

Probably because its my maiden venture into poetry so the rhymes came a bit easier. Still have to wrap my head around prose and working with them.

Thank you for the reviews Renuka and Mr Mennon

I will try and write more, if the college schedule permits

:)

Regards

Ankit

[Ramesh Menon]

Ankit, look at this:  There is no rhyme here and it is a poem by Kamala Das.

 

When I die

don't throw my bones and flesh away

for let them tell by their smell

what life was worth on this earth

what love was worth in the end.

Kamala Das

[Ramesh Menon]

Dear Ankit,

 

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. -Robert Frost, poet (1874-1963)

[Ankit Govil]

Thanks Mr Mennon, Robert Frost has always had a profound effect on me. Though I am still not as confident about writing poetry in general but shall keep it in mind.

Thank you once again

:)

Regards

Ankit

[Bhavna Rana]

Hey everyone!

Hope everyones doing well? I felt like sharing one as well :)

Feedback would be nice, sorry its too long. 

Poem: Do you know love?

Do you think you really know love?
What do you know of it?
Teach me too...
I am still a learner, a stranger. 

I have seen bad days and good days
and still felt love growing
i have seen merry days and mad days
and felt no deliberation for showing. 

I have felt different forms of commitment 
some just in words and in vein
i have felt content with only knowing
that we chose love instead of pain.

i have felt the eagerness in seeing
each other every time and more
never once let down by assurance
by waiting for someone ever more.

i have learned to live in silence
and yet laugh out ever so loud
i have learned to lend guidance
and even in failure feel more proud. 

i have looked eye to eye of fear
and pledged love for the sake of let going
i have looked away from my most dear 
and smiled only just for truly knowing. 

i have traveled miles and miles
without second thoughts on vague requests
i have made projects out of people i loved
and their submission to us a quest.

i have loved every day
loved far and wide
i have loved when the days were grey
and when there was high tide. 

i have lived everyday to meet someone 
for every moment i stood alive
and yet also known to love someone 
with just memories of them to thrive.

i have smiled to my self in sleep 
and when been wide awake to things that have past
and even weeped my self to sleep at nights 
wondering why love never lasts. 

i have 'gone with the flow'
and gone against the tide
and then again broken the rules 
and made my own to abide.

i have screamed and cursed at loves face
when inside i had really been pleading on my knees
tried really hard for them in showing
and yet know non of them way same feel. 

i have felt my self grow distant
and cold 
and mean
and calm.

i have also felt my self grown old
and impatient
and rude
and a charm.

i have had my fair share of obsessiveness 
and madness in the name of love
and felt my heart break into a million pieces 
and realized the ill fit of that glove. 

i have been vocal 
and even sang at the top of my lungs for love
sobbed my heat out in defense 
and then grown shy and closed up like a bud.

i have cheated before i felt cheated
and then let my self be cheated as punishment
i have been confronted 
and yet been confused about where and when i want to end. 

I have lied in love more often then told the truth
And been hurt for not saying things on time 
Then taken the hint to walk away, 
with more than a pinch of lime

i have offered my self
just to keep a friend, a lover
and denied my self
just to assure my self of love 

then given up altogether
and fought a little more
believing things i shouldn't 
bringing thoughts to life one wouldn't. 

i have given up on love
and let love pass for pride
and then taken ages to recover 
with my ego still hurting inside.

I know what pleading for love
And tried bleeding for love
And even cleaned up my act 
Then broken the pact 

i have heard love tell me i am loved
and yet not had the eyes to see
i have sworn i love
even when my actions show the reverse to me

i have had my theories
and used my head
and then fallen head over heels
Then loved mindlessly till it made no sense to love. 

pursued something i never wanted
and wanted something i had no courage to peruse
loved someone i never had
and then had someone i never loved

i have cried for love
laughed at love, made a mockery of love
even sworn against it forever
and then loved again

Tried to love
Been told i cant love
Delt with not being able to love
When really i though i was a romantic inside

Do you think you really know love?
What do you know of it?
Teach me too...
I am still a learner, a stranger.

- The End. - 

Warm Regards,

Bhavna

Mob: +91 9650319120

[Lovely Zogta]

hi Bhavna,

 

I know you put this long time back..but nevermind as long as one wish to share their comments..given below are my thoughts...

 

the lines...

"i have made projects out of people i loved
and their submission to us a quest."

 

looks just out of place and doesn't fit with the flow of the language you have used in earlier stanzas.

 

Secondly, find poetic replacement for words like 'theories', 'vocal', 'cheated'.

 

Rest, I like the poem as it takes us on an experience and sounds more like a journey within.

 

Regards,

Lovely Zogta