Edited Stories and Movie Reviews

[shashank kapoor]

Hello everyone,

Would like to get some feedback on my stories. One on duality/Cloning (Strange reality) and the other on Boxing (I saw an ant swallow...). Have made some changes as discussed in class but would welcome inputs on Dialogue, setting, thoughts and action that can be integrated. Moreover, I have started reviewing/synopsizing every 'decent' movie that I watch. Do let me know your thoughts on the two movie reviews as well - Gone baby gone and Devil.

Here's the link again -

http://shankastical.wordpress.com/

P.S - Blog title and subheading is an attempt at advertising :)

Cheers!

Shashank

[ankit govil]

 The Boxing story:

-  Are you gonna train Billy today? Oh well, whats the time honey? you ask 

I think you are missing quotation marks, it gets confusing who said what here. And in a few other dialogues as well.

- Shouldn't the flash back be in past tense?

- I love the momentum build-up during the final fight, almost makes you hear the crowd chant.

- Weren't you going to eliminate the extra characters? Angie & Ben? they don't help much. Or maybe you could combine Angie and Betty to be one person of sumthing. Just a thought.

The Reviews:

- I like your review of The Devil better than the other one. Because in the former you give more of your own point of view while in the later it turns into a summary of the whole movie.

Strange Reality:

The end confused me a little. He looks in the mirror to see a Vijay?

wasn't Vijay the clone?

The Blog looks good

Good Luck!!

Ankit

[shashank kapoor]

Ya I think it should be in past tense :) Actually Betty is jimmys girlfriend while Angie is billy's. Maybe one of them can go. Please suggest. Shall rework accordingly. Lastly, Vijay in the end is the same person. And since most of the story is a dream, thought it would make sense to bring out the duality in character. Can tweek this as well. Just wanted to leave the reader to interpret. What say?

[ankit govil]

In my opinion you can remove Betty, if he needs someone to remind him of the time of the day or the heat from the television make it Angie. She could be friendly to Jimmy as well as hate him for doing that to her boyfriend. Since Angie's hatred plays a role in removing him as Billy's coach, so she should stay.

About the Ajay-Vijay ending, the duality could work with some readers. But it could also confuse some. Some might think the clone took over and had the original Ajay killed or drowned, and the dream was not really a dream but a flashback into how he did it. I think it would be more interesting, if you said something like the man in the mirror looked like me but deep in his eyes, lurked Vijay or something like that. So it would show their duality yet maintain their union.

P.S -  zenlike is not one word.

[shashank kapoor]

Thanks Ankit, shall incorporate your suggestions.