Day Care

[Nikoletta Friedberg]

Hi Moms -

I wanted to share my story of the issues we've had with day cares.  When Zachary first went at 11months, I put him in CCLC in Sunnyvale and paid their ridiculous fee of $1800 and had to listen to the message that picked up every time I called there: "we offer high quality child care for the community."  He was not being put down for a nap, came home with poopy diapers, snot dried all over his face (we once saw a caretaker wipe his snotty nose with her hand when we showed up at an unexpected time), and the last straw was when I walked in on two occasions with kids and finger foods with no supervision.  As in, no one was in the eating area at all to watch the 11 month olds eat finger foods.

We put him in a home daycare, where the 65 year old lady took better care of him having six kids than the 1:4 ratio at CCLC.  He was napping a bunch, eating, was clean and safe, healthy and happy.  She was certainly not perfect, but she was fantastic.

We get to Boulder, and put him in another day care facility, called Tiny Minders.  Two 19 year old girls were in charge of his room.  They switched him to one nap a day again (he is 18 months, so I wasn't going to fight it) but he barely slept an hour a day (he is still sleeping 4 hours at home in naps).  They gave him chocolate chip granola bars (whole bar) for snack at 10am, and of course, he would never eat his lunch.  They have also given him trail mix, waffles, and other nonsense a 1 year-old should not be eating.  As my first child, I realize I would not care about these things with my third child, but I do care now.

Strike 1 was when they sent him home one day with poop on his clothes and a clean diaper.  Which means they saw the poop as they changed his diaper, and left him in the dirty clothes, despite 3 changes of clothes being available.

Strike 2 was when my husband picked him up and he was sitting outside in 35F soaking wet through all of his layers in the mud, not properly clothed.  Paul had to strip him to his onesie (also wet) in order to load him in the car.  He was red and had goose bumps all over him.

Strike 3 was when I picked him up at noon last week (I was sick and wanted him to come home to nap) and he was in the same diaper I had put him in at 730am, sitting in a massive poop.  He got a diaper rash like I've never seen.  It broke skin, scabbed, and is still healing a week later.

We pulled him out last Wednesday, and scrambled all week and weekend to find him a new place.  We hired a nanny who seems fantastic and started yesterday.

I'm not sure why I feel comfortable having someone in our house all day playing with our sweet boy.  What I wanted was someone to take care of him, keep him clean, safe and happy, and I have that with her.  She seems fantastic and qualified and trained and has lots of experience.  She lives in our neighborhood and also thinks Zachary is cute.  He's back to two naps in his own bed.  We couldn't have asked for more.

Two questions - has anyone had bad experiences with day care like me?  I feel like I am crazy that this is happening.  I also feel like I have super high expectations that someone that I pay will take care of my son in a responsible manner.  Do I just resign that because I am a working mom, I have to just take the shit care people offer and be thankful anyone will even bother to keep him alive?

Question 2 for those who have nannies - why am I feeling so uncomfortable with the wonderful 1:1 care (besides the cost - lol) being done in my home?  I keep thinking she's going to take off with him.  My husband is home most days working in his office, so it's not even like she's unsupervised.  And it's not her, I don't have any weird or bad feelings - I think she was the only one we interviewed I would have let near Zachary.

Maybe it's just that it is in my home and it feels invasive, and I will get over it.  Maybe someone new is getting to know my son very well and that is a little uncomfortable too.

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Nikoletta Friedberg

[Moy, Jessica]

Holy moly—

 

Nikoletta that is some serious ish you’ve had to deal with! You most certainly should not have to settle especially when all three of those strikes would have pissed  me off like no other. It’s completely reasonable to expect a good daycare. We are all paying money for the service, but we are all moms who want the best for our kids. No one decent should be leaving poop on clothes, same diaper for 9 hours and letting a child freeze in 35F weather!! You should report these people to whoever issued their license and get them revoked!

 

My heart breaks for poor Zachary—really hope you are able to find a good care facility for him soon.

 

Jessy

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[Michelle Ritenour]

Ditto on what Jessy says. I am in shock. As a daycare mom myself, I believe you have VERY reasonable expectations and there are daycares out there that will meet those expectations and beyond. You shouldn't have to stand for neglect of simple  needs like diaper changes and keeping a child warm! I found that for the first month or so with daycare, I had a hard time trusting that Kylie was being well taken care of but there were certain things that I began to pick up on that helped put me at ease (i.e., getting to know our daycare provider better, seeing how happy the other kids were, etc). The same thing happened during the short time we used a night nanny. I also felt uncomfortable with someone in my home (Even though I was there the entire time) but within a few weeks, I grew to trust her more and never wanted her to leave. For both situations, I felt it just took some time and the absence of red flags gave me the confidence that I had made a good choice. 

So hard because there is no instruction book….

Good luck to you…your mommy instincts will make sure you get the very best for Zachary :)

Michelle

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From: jessi...@lmco.com
To: eatsle...@googlegroups.com
Subject: RE: EXTERNAL: [Mom's Group] Day Care
Date: Tue, 12 Nov 2013 17:10:32 +0000

[Saima B. Yusuf]

I'm sorry Nikoletta, that sounds rough.  I agree with the others that your expectations are very reasonable.  We would expect them to keep our kids clean, warm and safe.  I don't have experience with having a nanny in my home but hopefully you'll feel more and more comfortable as you grow to trust her.  I hope it continues to work out with her!

I just dropped Maryam off for her first day at daycare this morning and I am NERVOUS NERVOUS NERVOUS.  It's the first time I've left her with anyone except a family member.  I'm only doing 2 days a week, 9 am to 2 pm, and decided to go with the Presbyterian early learning center (I contacted Barbara btw but she was more interested in full time care).  PELC is an outreach program run by the church and is right down the block from our house.  They have 8 kids in the infant/toddler program and 3 teachers so it seemed like a good ratio and the teachers were nice and warm.  I also like their facility and outside play area.  I'm picking her up early on the first day in an hour so we'll see how it went.  I called to check in and they said she cried at first but was now content playing outside.  I think this first day might actually be harder on me than Maryam :)  I'm hoping I don't notice any red flags!  

 

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From: Michelle Ritenour <mcwo...@hotmail.com>
To: "eatsle...@googlegroups.com" <eatsle...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 12, 2013 9:38 AM

[Nikoletta Friedberg]

I apologize for the ill timing of my daycare nightmare email, Saima.  I know it's hard the first few times.  And in my experience, it was day 3-5 that were the hardest, when Zachary finally realized what was going on.  The first few days anywhere, he was too busy playing with new toys.

Be vigilant in the care they provide.  I'm smarter than this, but I still think it's me (high expectations) and not them (poor care) that is at fault - and I know that's not true. 

Thanks everyone for your support.

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Nikoletta Friedberg

[Jessica Janis]

Nikoletta, 

So sorry you and Zachary had to go through all of that! I hope all of that is behind you now and things go well with your new nanny. I really love having a nanny. At first, I felt like what you talked about-- more uncomfortable--but we pretty quickly fell into a great routine and it wasn't long before it all felt really natural. Darcy has a great bond with her. I love it that she tells me new insights about Darcy often and sometimes sends pictures during the day. You will get to the point of feeling really good about it. If you have the luxury, one thing that worked for me is that we all have breakfast together before I leave. It gives Darcy time to warm up to the transition each day and is a predictable thing. 

Saima, some of the book club moms took their kids to that daycare and had good things to say about it. I'm sure Maryam will do great. 

Best to everyone!

Jessie

Sent from my iPhone

[Michele Lin]

How was the pickup, Saima??

Yes - it can be nerve racking !

I think there are good and bad examples of each of the categories: commercial daycares, home daycares, nanny...  I know somebody whose nanny was neglecting the child and the housecleaner felt obligated to rat the nanny out - that she was locking the kid in his room and his diaper was sagging to his knees... poor little guy.  

I started off my journey being comfortable only with a commercial daycare... but then somehow ended up wanting a Chinese speaking caretaker... and it was only by chance that I ended up with a Chinese nanny.... My friend and I started a search for a 'shared nanny'... and that gave me the confidence to find my own nanny (when my friends' circumstances changed).

I do appreciate Mary Nanny very much - but I definitely don't trust her 100%.  Yes, it took me time to adjust to having her in my home but I eventually got used to most things and/or communicated issues like "please leave an item out that you have used up so that I know to buy it" instead of me coming across it on my own later and discovering that we were out of some item".  It also helps in hiring a nanny to set expectations early - in the interview process.  Ex. Are you willing to help cook/clean?  or I am looking for somebody that will help cook & clean....

I think you have been 100% warranted in flipping out for all the issues that you have discovered Nikoletta.  Poopy diapers should be changed immediately.  Kids should, under NO circumstances, be left unattended while eating.  Having a child poorly dressed (sopping wet!) for 35 degree weather is DANGEROUS.  And I do think a good care provider will be able to effectively manage a child's food & sleep needs.  

Good for you for trusting your instincts and demanding quality care for Zachary.  

At the end of the day, the reality is that nobody takes care of your kid as well as you, personally, would... but they should at least come close.  It's not rocket science.  

I very much hope that you find the right solution for you and Zachary.  And I also hope that Maryam had a good first day and can comfort poor Saima after worrying all day!  

Please do share how things develop with your nanny.  I'd be interested in hearing how things go.

Michele

[Julie]

Nikoletta,

I'm so sorry to hear about your daycare issues.  In my opinion, even though I'm way more relaxed with my third, those care providers failed miserably at their jobs.  And I totally understand your reservations about having a nanny.  My husband refused to have anyone alone in our house with our first two, so we sent the boys to daycares.  I'm fortunate that there were no major problems with the daycares that we chose.  

But I do have a part-time nanny now, and my husband accepted this arrangement only because the nanny used to work at my sons' preschool and we had known her for five years.  But she still doesn't have a key to my house, and I'm home most of the time when she is here.  Despite my familiarity with my nanny, I did have a hard time at first with someone in my house.  For me, it was a trust issue, and accepting the loss of privacy.  I think you'll feel better with time (and especially when Zachary can use his words to tell you if anything is wrong).  And maybe you're still on hyper vigilant mode, having dealt with one too many major neglect issues.

I had another mom suggest that I use AT&T digital life and install cameras inside the house, which I can control and view using a smart phone.  This mom got it to check on her teenage kids who are home alone, but she said it'll be good for me to have instant replay when my two older boys fight or make Eli cry and both say the other was at fault.  I suppose it's also useful to keep an eye on the nanny.  Not that I'm the paranoid or untrusting type.

You're a wonderful mom, and there's nothing wrong with the expectations that you've set for your child's care provider.  I hope your nanny exceeds your expectations so you can feel good about leaving for work in the mornings.

Julie

[Kate Morey]

Nikoletta,

I am so sorry to hear about the daycare situation.  I have struggled so much with finding care I am not just comfortable with but happy with for Haddie, it is so hard.  You are a wonderful mother doing everything right, your determination will prevail for Zachary his entire life, he a lucky little guy.  Not only lucky to have you but to live in Boulder, CO, I love that town.

Kate

[Nikoletta Friedberg]

Hi there - remember this thread on my not-so-great daycare experiences?  Well, we just got another. 

William has been home with a nanny since January.  We were able to locate an in home daycare at that time, but their opening was this past week - so we put in a deposit and waited patiently.  I started taking William 2 weeks ago, just to hang out and get a feel for the place.  During the hour we were their together, the lady (who is French, used to be an au pair, a nanny, and has 2 kids of her own) informed me that while the 2 babies are sleeping (including William), she takes the older kids to the park that is nearby.  The park is 2 houses from her house.  After she saw the horrified look on my face, she said she takes the monitor (not video!), and "keeps an eye on the house." 

The next day, after I confirmed with my husband (it's funny how something so obviously wrong still needs confirmation - do I not trust my gut?) we decided this is absolutely not OK.  So I asked her if she could wake up William from his nap and take him with her - no.  Can she wait until 10am, after he wakes from his nap to go to the park? - no.  It wasn't so blunt, she said a lot of words about the big kids need to be outside, and if it's hot, we can't wait in here...blah blah blah.

Anyway - long story short - I can not understand how this could be a licensed care professional.  Who think it's OK to go to the park while a baby is sleeping?  WTF?! 

[Michele]

Oh... The pain of finding childcare. Sorry, Nikoletta. I'm not looking forward to leaving my baby at the in-home daycare I picked either come September. But, yes, that is a real deal-breaker there. But it's close to the unsupervised eating and out in the snow with minimal clothing gems you found prior. It's a good reminder that not all childcare is equal. Hope you find something suitable soon!  Could you send a pic of Zachary and William?  Thanks!

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