Marriage And Family The Quest For Intimacy

[Ronald Frison]

Itseriously took A LOT of guts for me to write and post on social media. I was scared. Scared of being judged. Scared of being not liked. Scared of what people might say. But you know what!? I was also excited. Excited to put myself out there. Excited to be my true self, and excited that perhaps my vulnerability would lead to something.

At the beginning of the Kensington Church internship I often dreamt about the person I would become at the end of the 10 months because of the solid education, equipment and empowerment the program offers.

Our dedicated volunteers bring encouragement and prayers of faith to those who are in local hospitals, medical centers, recovery centers and homebound. If you or someone you know would like to be blessed by such a visit, email visit...@kensingtonchurch.org or call the Troy Campus during business hours at 248-786-0600.

The Marriage Course offers essential tools and practical ideas to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. Strengthen your communication and gain a deeper understanding of your partner. The Marriage Course is based on Christian principles but designed for all couples with or without a church background.

Learning Lab sessions are a group where people can connect with others, learn more about who God is, and grow in our spiritual journey with Jesus. This is a great group for anyone, whether they are new to their faith, or a longtime believer. Each week, we come together for a large group teaching, with a 15-minute video or live teacher, and then break into small groups for discussion.

On Sunday evening, Dec 5, parents of high school and middle school students are invited to the second half of our Edge gathering at Genesis Church, 309 N Main St, Royal Oak, MI 48067, at 6:15pm. We will have a breakout to equip parents in caring for themselves and processing pain with their children in times of tragedy.

We believe that unity at this time is more important than ever. Several churches in the area are partnering together to offer space for students to begin the process of healing.

We will have several grief and trauma specialists on site this Sunday evening at our Orion Campus (4640 S Lapeer Rd Lake Orion, MI 48359) from 5-6:30pm and will have a night of prayer, worship and an opportunity for students to process with each other.

We will be offering a time for our congregation to gather after each service for a time of corporate prayer in the Greatroom. Prayer will be offered at 10:15 am and 12:15 pm. (25000 Hall Rd, Charter Twp of Clinton, MI 48036)

Join us Sunday night, December 5th for a Community Prayer Vigil at Kensington Church at 6:00 pm. Invite friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers to come together for a time of hope and prayer.

Following the Vigil, at 7:00 pm, there will be breakouts for students and for parents to process and be equipped in caring for themselves and those around in times of tragedy.

What grows marriages? Focusing on the two of you and being in community!

The Marriage Course includes seven sessions, designed to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. Some couples do the course to intentionally invest in their relationship, others are looking to address more specific challenges. Either way, the course offers essential tools and practical ideas to help you build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. The Marriage Course is based on Christian principles but designed for all couples with or without a church background.

Growing up, you have only personal, emotional friends. A 10 year-old isn't debating marketing strategy with a colleague from work. But over time, as you enter the workforce and mature, you develop specific intellectual interests (or not). You become intellectually curious. You take on professional interests and goals. For a broadly fulfilling friendship, you need more than pranks or playing sports together. You need to be able to have a stimulating conversation.

So I think around age 18-30 you face a question: Can my personal, emotional friendships develop a meaningful intellectual dimension? If yes, you probably have a life-long friendship that will be deeply rewarding and intimate. If not, you have a relationship worth maintaining but not destined for intimacy.

As you enter your late 20's and 30's, you're meeting people mostly in a professional context with intellectualism as the animating force. Work as a social place is an environment not as naturally conducive as school or a youth sports team to personal, emotional intimacy. More authentic "social" time must be scheduled in advance due to a busy schedule and perhaps a family of your own, which means it happens less often.

I think for most it's easier to add intellectual fulfillment to a long-standing emotional/personal friend than it is to add an element of emotional personalness to an intellectual/professional friend. For one, there aren't as many established protocols or traditions that facilitate building emotional closeness in a non-romantic setting. Also, if you're married, you can come to depend on your mate for the emotional closeness that you used to get from friends and thus your skills at cultivating it platonically deteriorate.

Men in particular struggle with this. The five-year old NY Times piece on the awkwardness of a "man date" nailed the issue. You see older men with plenty of intellectual conversations but no friend with whom they can open up / confess / be close.

Intimacy in friendships is one of those things that you can get along fine without but miss once you've experienced it. Most people I know who maintain deep, intimate friendships value these relationships more highly than their ever-growing list of weak ties. Peak human experiences seem to happen in conjunction with intimate, soul-nourishing relationships. Friendships of this variety blur the lines and categories altogether.

I love how this excellent post on the intellectual and (and/or?) emotional aspects of friendship, particularly with regards to platonic male friendships and their ensuing man-date awkwardness, was based on a conversation at our very own (un-awkward) lunch man date.

My belief has been to live in the moment and let my heart dictate my actions (as much as possible). While this may through off some, it has ultimately lead me to lead a more fulfilling life of joy and happiness.

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May I share a teaching activity I use? I used to ask my Sociology of Race and Ethnicity students (about 150 per section) to write down the top 1 or 2 traits about other people that they really admire and then to write the top 1 or 2 traits about other people that they really get annoyed by. I would then collect all their lists and have my teaching assistants quickly count up the admirable traits and then the annoying traits and create a list for each ranked most common to least. Once tabulated and rank, I took significant amount of remaining class time and walked my students through a sympathy-building and empathy-awareness classroom activity.

To begin with, I instructed the students that as I read each of the most commonly reported admirable traits one by one, I would pause and have anyone who felt they possessed this specific trait to stand. I asked them to look around with each trait at how many (or how few) other students shared that specific trait in common with them. At first, it was sort of fun to see the students awkwardly yet courageously rise when I read their trait. Eventually, almost every one of my students stood up at least once. Standing up for admirable traits was the easy part of this activity. It sometimes took a bit more encouragement to have students stand when I read the more common annoying trait, but they came to trust that I was not shaming or humiliating them and it was safe. By the end of that list of traits, most students had stood at least once for each list.

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