7/16, arrived in red's meadow, general update, mile 906

[Aaron Doss]

this is a general update to inform you about our where abouts. we are
still quite behind on journaling but we are now 2,5 days from Tuolumne
in Yosemite. red's meadow is an unplanned stop but it was right on the
trail so we are taking advantage of it. it is a resort here and we are
filling our bellies with goodies and taking a quick shower, before
moving on. it's only a 2 hour break or so.
i will fill you in about the days after 7/5, just briefly.
the scenery has been unbelievable beautiful! we have not had enough
time to enjoy it all and it is sometimes quite frustrating to have to
move on. Aaron would love to stay for days to capture nice pictures in
every type of light ... i just like to soak it all in and be part of
the beauty. despite the beauty of it all, it has also been hard, very
hard at times. both physically and mentally. we have had sections of
passes with 6 miles of snow, postholing to our knees. we had very
steep snow traverses and rock climbs, so many river crossings, flooded
trails, trees over the trail, hail and rain and thunder
storms,musquito's by the millions, and shortage of food. i have been
scared on two occasions and had to cry multiple times from
frustrations or exhaustion. i will let Aaron tell his experience,
because he is feeling different than me, sometimes but even Aaron was
ready to throw his pack of the cliff at one point.
i do not want to give the impression that we didn't have a good time
because we had lots of fun and satisfaction from the beauty of it all.
but to everyday work my butt of to put in a few miles (sometimes we
only made 8 miles) and have no time to enjoy the beauty has been
really getting to me. also 8 or 9 day stretches without shower or
laundry and having to conserve food because it took us longer than we
planned, really is wearing me out. when getting to camp, you can't sit
on your butt either. water needs to be filtered, food needs to be
cooked, camp needs to be set up, fire to dry our wet shoes, musquito's
(there are soooo many of them) to be tolerated ... and all the time i
tried my best to see the fun of it all and be positive and not let it
get to me. but that cost so much energy too. while hiking i caught my
self more thinking about home, friends and my future plans than being
here and now. 3 times i just had to cry all of sudden for stupid
reasons and just only wanted to go home and stop this struggle for
miles. at this point i still want to go home, sort of. but i really
also don't want to give in, don't want to be a loser and i want the
full experience. also i would feel very bad for leaving zack. he is
fine by him self but we have been together for such a long time and it
would be hard for him to find new hiking buddies. although i know that
aaron has his doubts too about finishing the trail completely, he is
not as burned off as me and i don't want to disappoint him either. but
sometimes i just know that if it was only for me, i would be home now
and baking applepies and study for my exams and work hard at my
wonderful job. i feel quite saturated after 3 months. i can not absorb
more beauty in the time available. i have learned so much on the trail
about so many things, that i need to digest it all first, before being
able to take more in. i have done so many scary or exciting things
that sometimes the adrenaline afte rush just wears me out. i have seen
so many wild, white rivers that the noise is overpowering my thoughts.
i would love to be able to explain how such a great experience can
also be so exhausting and tiring but i am afraid i can't. i really
have an awesome time, really, but yet it is so difficult. the
pictures will tell the tale about the beauty of the Sierra's but it
won't tell you how much energy it costs at times. soon we will be out
of the high Sierra's and hopefully things will change again. anyways,
it might be an explanation why we are about 10 days behind on
journaling ... i sleep at night. for me, it doesn't mean i don't think
about the people at home. actually on the contrary: i think alot about
my friends and family. i also think about all those people that we
don't know and that are following our journey. some people are
inspired by our hike and i feel so fortunate that i am alive, in great
health and with a wonderful husband and as a very happy and whole
person that i can do this and be an inspiration to others. i feel a
little obligation too, to use my fortunate position to inspire others.
but it is not easy at the moment for me despite all the great and
awesome things we see and do.
i hope you understand us not updating our journal as loyal as we were
mostly. i hope everything goes well for everyone at home and that you
find happiness in all the seemingly little things you do. because i
think it's in those little, every day things that you will find your
true, peaceful happiness. bake your pies, pull your weeds, wash your
car, fight and make up, and pick out the most beautiful orange in the
store and realize that these experiences can contribute to your
wonderful life as much as climbing the highest peak in the US can be.

nathalie