A Brief History of the LLJK Dynasty

[Rev]

[Dong] and [LLJK] have had their fates intertwined like the retarded
bastard devil child of which no one wishes to speak. As such I feel a
history of [LLJK] may be appropriate.

Goons are the pathetic souls that actually spent $10 to browse the
somethingawful.com forums. Without exception they are nerdy, lazy,
fat, poorly hygenic, socially awkward, refuse to take any personal
responsibility, self-diagnosed with assburgers, ugly, and the world
would be better off if they were all sterilized. Goons in their
natural habitat can be seen here (http://forums.somethingawful.com/
showthread.php?threadid=3020731), actual documented footage of them
can be seen here (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?
threadid=2764921). Oops I guess you have to be registered to see
this.

Goons have a tendency to create a large following and large support
for internet based activities in a very short period of time. This is
known as a Goon Rush. This happens for MMOs, other internet based
games, message boards, and even internet polls. However, Goons all
have ADD and ADHD along with Aspergers, so they cannot continue social
interactions even over the internet for long periods of time. The
initial Goon rush very often becomes a flash in the pan.

When Guild wars was released, the activity on the somethingawful
forums was so much the moderators created a subforum for Guild Wars,
at the time the only other game with its own subforum was WoW. When
the game went live immediately the original beta guild [LLJK] was
filled and spliter guilds formed Banhammer[Ban], Team Meat[TM],
Something Awful [SA], and a few others that have been lost to time.

After three months the goon rush fizzled and the only surviving guilds
were [LLJK] and [BAN]. This was when the Angry Businessmens [aB]
(http://www.guildwars.com/community/guildweek/gotw-2005-12-06-
angrybusinessmens.php) first split off from LLJK to do "serious
pvp" (serious means no humor). This guild later split further (if you
ever heard Xerin the leader talk, you know exactly why) into Ectos And
Shards [EnS] (http://www.guildwars.com/community/guildweek/
gotw-2006-02-21-ectosandshards.php). While [EnS] and [aB] were never
officially associated with LLJK (they did try to disassociate as much
as they could), their Goon origions cannot be denied.

LLJK began a somewhat serious take on PvP. As serious as you can get
with these people and a core of about 18 + whoever else was online and
would play. All in all we did well for the time, peaking at #18 (#20
documented) and holding around the 150's. Not bad considering no real
dedicated core, never really refusing anyone playtime, swapping out
more than half our team every match, and about half the time no VoiP.

It was during this era that the original LLJK balanced was formed,
good for its time, but Lingering Curse is now highly outdated. This
was the era of Count, from the Netherlands who was our 3-2-1 caller.
Think about it. In this golden age long past was when the official
LLJK rap was born. Lank (Jack Bauer Pwr Hr) later recorded two more
songs leaving a legacy of LLJK being the only Guild with its own
record label.

Eventually the failed dream Steal Dragon Assassin Butts [ORLY] was
born as LLJK's smurf. At faction's release all the remaining goon
guilds LLJK, BAN, ORLY merged into an alliance. The LLJK PvP old
guard moved to ORLY to have a guild where the core is 30+ people. It
never really took off, maxing out around 60 and struggling to hang
around 300. ORLY never even made it to Nightfall.

Morale was poor and the PvE was becoming stale. LLJK/ORLY had the PvP
players (sic: dicks) and BAN had the left over PvE players (sic:
carebears) and a fued was resulting. This feud was fueled by the then
leader of BAN, Bane; I go into this tangent because Bane is the
biggest faggot to ever play GW and is the measure to judge all other
faggots. Bane was not actually a Goon, his only lacking feature was
to pay the $10 as he made up all of the others qualities in spades.
He was a terrible PvE player and insisted his PvE knowledge would
revolutionize PvP. When given a bar, he brought flurry instead of
frenzy, called us noobs, and insisted flurry was so much better.
Insisted on bringing sliver armor and a tank build into PvP and not
bringing a tank was bad. Refused to use frenzy ever, especially in
pve. When drug along a part of a 5 warrior team to see how fast
warriors deal damage, he delieberately tried to sabatoge the build,
failed to sabatoge the build, still refused to admit that such a build
was even remotely viable. Somehow he had persuasion over the people
in BAN and split the guild out of the alliance. Shortly after, it was
revealed that he drove halfway across the US to meet a girl in the
guild. The day he got to her home, within two hours, he was kicked
out by her parents for being too creepy. She quit guild wars all
together, ignored him, then leaked what happened and e-mails to LLJK.
This got out, Bane turned over leadership, left the guild, and was
never heard from again. BAN rejoined the alliance and there was
really no longer a feud.

Shortly after Factions release our resident build expert came up with
the first Rit Spike build. It layed around not seeing much love until
shortly after a posting of this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=iRgPaB7pWA4&feature=related) and LLJK's greatest build was born,
Pickle Surprise. This was before anyone had ever really heard of rit
spike, the grand old Gaze from Beyond, Spirit Burn, Lamentation. This
existed in factions, through nightfall, it had 8-man version, 6-man
version, 8-man version again, and even a TA version. And no one could
run it like we could. There were imitators, but none that could
succeed. Unfortunately one day an update came that was too good to be
true. I do not exaggerate when I say every key skill in the build was
buffed and buffed way too much. Our build was unstoppable, but others
could copy it easily. Tactics that we used to compensate for any
shortcomings of the build were now uncesessary and the build was hit
hard in the next update. It was in the ashes of Pickle Surprise that
the modern and HA dominating Rit Spike emerged.

Nightfall was a mixed bag for LLJK. The guild had been dying, BAN
fully assimilated, and it was a resurgeance in players. But aside
from PvP, Goon groups didn't form as heros easily filled the role.
Now Goons have always been known for their love of quoting Prince
Rurik, especially Ruins of Surbia. One day a moderator of LLJK's
forums created the Prince Rurik FanZone. The first reply was terrible
fanfiction copied from GWOnline. This inspired Lank (Jack Bauer Pwr
Hr), the Goon with the largest impact in shaping the evolution of GW,
to create a thread titled: I was made for this subforum - Erotic Rurik
Fanfic. The rest is history.

At some point LLJK and Dong found each other. Dong being the only
active guild to be able to exist in the LLJK alliance without raging
and leaving. And we have our situation today.

Due to their massive numbers and initial belief in goon-solidairy
(which later actual interations turn into heated nerd-rage fuled
rivalries), Goons have a tendancy to be the first to accomplish a
number of things in any online game. Goons' influence upon Second
Life had brought the company to the point of banning any Goon upon
identification. Guild Wars was no exception and Goons have claimed
many accomlishments during their times.

- First recorded HA, I mean Tombs, gank. Guild Wars Day 1: The final
threeway was [LLJK] vs [LLJK] vs Someone that fucking got ganked. The
chat records (which also include the first recording of "reported")
and pictures of this and the resulting altar danceoff have been lost
to the anals of the internet.

- #1 on the Guild Ladder. Guild Wars Day 2: In the early days, few
people had guild halls. Even fewer had them on the day after
release. Going in with a little organization and not completely
sucking put LLJK at #1 on the ladder. Though this was brief, LLJK was
indeed the #1 guild in the world.

-Though the first grief was most likely of our creation, I cannot
account for it. We have been creative in our ways. BAN's 8 hamer w/
mo with heal area. Eight e/mo warders, water ele, blind eles, and
heal/prot eles. The Amity build in TA, the "pussy mesmer" build that
scored kills via wanding. The triple monk TA build. Regularly
ruining pugs and succesfully blaiming others. Creating thunder/ebon
dragon sword hoaxes. Scamming by coordinating and systematically
getting people to lower prices, or by making people think that they
had something extremely valuble. The list is as long as our history.

-First record of Minion Factor. First week of Guild Wars. This was
Myself, Arnold Strong (awol years ago), and Lina. Tombs build
eventually followed.

-The single most influential change in all of Tombs/HA was IWAY. This
was created by a collaberation of aB andanother guild. While not
directly responsible, LLJK was but a stone throws away.

-LLJK was not the first to finish the FoW, but it was the first to do
so in a timely fashion. The original Killdozer (long dead due to
multiple nerfs), 6 warriors, 1 orders, 1 boon prot, could clear all of
FoW in not too much longer than an hour. An amazing record for the
day.

-Was going to be given Guild of the Week award. Placed on list, but
later removed due to number of player bans from within the guild. At
the time fairly well hated in the PvE environment.

-Fanfiction

I believe this is fairly complete, accurate, and does not go off on
too many tangents.

[Brian]

Thank you for this epic history, needs more Sound of cleaving though.
The fan fiction is also worth a link - http://gwfanfiction.googlepages.com/
I might upload some of Peter's readings of it.

[LLJK] was the best thing to ever happen to [Dong], and you the best
thing to ever happen to me Rev.