The Kindness of Candor 温和的忠告
Dexu Xia
The pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. Proverbs 27:9
“My dear friend, sometimes you sound holier than you really are.”
Those words were leveled with a direct gaze and gentle smile. Had they come from someone other than a close friend and mentor whose discernment I highly valued, my feelings might have been hurt. Instead, I winced and laughed at the same time, knowing that while his words “hit a nerve,” he was also right. Sometimes when I talked about my faith, I used jargon that didn’t sound natural, which gave the impression that I wasn’t being sincere. My friend loved me and was trying to help me be more effective in sharing with others what I genuinely believed. Looking back, I see it as some of the best advice I ever received.
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted,” Solomon wisely wrote, “but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6). My friend’s insights demonstrated the truth of that counsel. I was grateful he cared enough to tell me something I needed to hear, even though he knew it might not be easy to accept. Sometimes when someone tells you only what they think you want to hear, it isn’t helpful, because it can keep you from growing and developing in vital ways.
Candor can be kindness when measured out with genuine, humble love. May God give us the wisdom to receive it and impart it well, and so reflect His caring heart.
Why is it difficult for us to sometimes receive good but hard advice? How has someone been candid with you in a helpful and loving way?
Abba, Father, thank You for speaking truth to me through Scripture. Please help me to receive and give advice well by relying on You to lead me.
朋友诚实的劝教也是如此甘美。—箴言27章9节
曾有朋友对我说：“嘿，有时你听起来很属灵，但实际上并不是喔！”
当时他面带笑容且目光坦诚，缓和了这些话的尖锐性。假若这些话是别人说的，我可能会觉得受伤，但说这话的却是我的一位挚友兼导师，我一向重视他的看法。所以那时我听了之后，愣了一下随即笑了出来，因为我知道他的话虽然“刺耳”，但却句句属实。当我与人谈论信仰时，有时会用些别人听不太懂的基督教术语，让人觉得我不够诚恳。我的这位朋友爱我，他想要帮助我能更有效地与人分享我信靠的上帝。现在回想起来，我觉得这是对我极有帮助的建议。
所罗门满有智慧地写道：“朋友加的伤痕，出于忠诚；仇敌连连亲嘴，却是多余”（箴言27章6节）。我朋友的洞见正说明了这个真理。我很感谢他如此在乎我，就算他知道我可能没那么容易接受，他也愿意给我真正需要的建议。有时，别人只会说一些他们认为你想听的话，但那毫无帮助，因这会使你在许多重要的方面无法成长和求进步。
忠言虽然逆耳，但若是带着真诚与谦卑的爱，我们可以很温和地直话直说。愿上帝赐给我们智慧，不仅能接受别人坦率的建言，也温和地劝告别人，以此彰显上帝关爱的心。
为什么有时我们很难接受逆耳的忠告？
有谁曾以关爱和有助益的方式，
对你直话直说呢？
阿爸天父，感谢祢藉着圣经让我明白真理。
求祢帮助我，信靠祢的带领，
能接受忠告，也能温和地规劝别人。