How To Be Your Own Best Friend Book
Barb Magario
As parents, we want to be that soft place for our children to land. We want to have an ear always ready to listen and arms open to embrace our kids. We want to bond tightly with our children and always be there for them. Those are reasonable and achievable goals with a suitable investment of time and energy. Being friends with our children and being responsible parents are not mutually exclusive roles, but the type of friendship changes with time. As our children age and become adults, relationships may certainly evolve into more of a friendship and even best friends. Having adult children that I can count amongst my closest friends is one of the best parts of this stage in life!
I have published a memoir, The Long Road to Happy: A Sister's Journey Through Her Brother's Disabilities, through The RoadRunner Press. Please visit my author website for more information, dianemorrowkondos.com.
Although I can say my husband Scott is my best friend today, that hasn't always been the case. When we first got married, I was so close to my twin sister Scott felt excluded when the three of us were together. Gradually, however, we both learned to develop our friendship with one another.
We reached a big turning point when we left Atlanta, where I had been single and then newly married. We packed up and moved to Florida for Scott's new flying career. Living in a new city where we knew very few other people, we learned to depend on each other for friendship in a way we hadn't learned before.
Now Scott is the one I turn to first just to be my friend, not in the way a girlfriend is a friend, but in a way that only a husband can be. The support that this kind of friendship brings is reflected in Ecclesiastes 4:9: "Two are better than one."
Over the years I've discovered some specific ways we can develop a close friendship with our spouse. First, we can take an interest in what's going on where we each spend a great deal of time, our workplaces.
Has he talked about a stressful project? Has he said how energized he is by a new assignment? Follow up by asking for more details and remember to pray for these situations. This shows our thoughtfulness and support. Acknowledging you know his job can be difficult shows that you appreciate him!
Secondly, a great way to forge bonds of friendship is to share an interest. What do you both like to do? You may need to think about what you did while you were dating.
My friends Tracey and Ron take short trips to the mountains. It's more Tracey's passion than Ron's, but he's learned to enjoy it too. My mom and dad are great cooks and have created some incredible meals together. Scott and I have watched countless basketball games together. If you don't already have a shared hobby or pastime, start trying out some activities. It's easy to let the day-in and day-out responsibilities of life to crowd out time for relaxation and laugher, so you'll have to make the choice to have fun together.
Finally, we need to ask ourselves if we're making friendship with our spouse a priority. Do we save our best energy for developing friendship with our spouse or are we too busy or tired? Sometimes we have to say no to other pursuits so we can have time to protect and nurture the gift of friendship in marriage.
The seeds of friendship we plant today will continue to bloom later in our marriages. We've all seen older couples sitting at restaurant tables, eating their entire meal in complete silence. I don't want to look like those silent couples, and I'm sure you don't either. I want to grow old relishing my friendship with my husband, a friendship forged over years of sharing interests and making each other a priority.
Dear Lord, show me ways to nurture friendship with my spouse, so we can continue to enjoy each other through the passing years. Lord, today, I commit to making friendship with my spouse one of my top priorities. Where I need to give up some activities so I'll have time for friendship with my husband, give me eyes to see that. Thank you for the lifetime friendship you've given us in marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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My best friend and I have been best friends since elementary school. If we end up going to the same college together, should I dorm with her or try meeting someone new? I of course would still be close with her either way, so do I try to branch out or dorm with someone I already know? #college-advice #dorms
There are benefits to either scenario. Living with your best friend does make things a bit more comfortable. You know you can share space with her and trust her with your valuables. However, it may also limit your possibilities of meeting new people. You may only want to spend time with her and not branch out. If you both decide to room with other people, you have a built in opportunity to grow your social circle. It maybe outside of your comfort zone. However, taking a risk can pay off in the end. You want to have your own college experience and be able share it with your friend. I lived with different people three of my four years away at college. It was a great experience and still keep in touch with a few of my roommates.
I would go with the safe bet - the best friend! You will have plenty of opportunity to meet new people, but, if you don't hit it off with them, at least you won't be stuck living with them! That's just my take, let's see what others say!
I acknowledge how fortunate we are to have such long-lasting bonds in our life, and I know not everyone shares in that experience. I also acknowledge that some married couples were friends for many years before becoming a couple, which puts them squarely in both categories. For those in a similar situation as my husband and me, however, consider what best friendship means to you and whether you truly feel your partner meets that criteria.
I think the best way to honor your spouse/partner is to appreciate their unique role in your life. Revel in this special and sacred relationship instead of trying to make it something else, and keep your best friends just as close.
My husband and I love to talk, to ponder and to dig into everything from the most important things, like how to encourage a love of Scripture in our children, to the most silly, like how one might systematically train to be a carnival ride designer.
I am eternally grateful for the treasure I have found in my best friend and for the decade-plus she has walked alongside me. I am also eternally grateful for the friendship that continues to blossom between my husband and I. But I am even more grateful to have them both.
One of the best things about my 25th year, during which I was mostly single, was the way my friends basically became surrogate boyfriends. We tried new restaurants, talked on the phone late into the night and unabashedly allowed our weekends to revolve around one another. No shame in being a packaged deal, here! Significant others are invited? Awesome. I'll bring my roommate.
It was a beautiful season where my friendships grew deeper than ever. On our loneliest nights, we relied upon one another. On our happiest nights, we didn't think twice about not having a boyfriend or the ways our lives felt "behind" the girls who were married.
But then, things began to change. Single girls got boyfriends. Dating girls got engaged. Engaged girls got married. And married girls began to move away. Our season of full reliance upon one another shifted quickly; it was a tiny moment in time - gone before we realized what we'd had.
When this started happening in my life, I struggled a bit as I saw my friendships shifting. I'm great with physical change, such as rearranging a room, but not-so-great with emotional changes. I mostly want happy times to stay happy and never change. Is that so much to ask?
1. You aren't getting left behind. It can feel that way in the moment, but you aren't going to be stuck forever. You may not get a boyfriend at the exact time as your friends, but your life will continue to evolve and flourish. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to panic or focus only on your singleness.
2. Don't be mad at your friend for getting a boyfriend. It's OK to feel a little sad at the way things are changing, but don't be upset with her for liking a boy. Her intentions aren't bad and it helps to try to remember this.
3. Give her time to master the balance of dating someone while still maintaining friendships. It can be hard, at first, when you're integrating someone new into your life, while still making room for the people who were there before. Give her some grace to find that balance.
2. Don't forget about your buddy. She was there for you in the very beginning - helping you craft text messages, pick out your outfits and dissect what he meant when he said that crazy thing. Don't forget about her.
3. But don't be afraid to make extra space for your boyfriend. As you get more serious, it's inevitable that you'll see a little less of your friends. Don't panic. This is healthy and normal and you can absolutely still maintain your friendships.
4. Don't make everything for couples. Double dates and couples trips are super fun and you should embrace them. But, single peeps are fun, too! Don't forget that everybody likes lake weekends, with or without a boyfriend.
Rebecca: You're wife so then where did you meet? Gareth: We met in England when I was eighteen. My wife was twenty-one, and we met at university.Rebecca: At the university really. So why are you such good friends?Gareth: I think because we can share true feelings. With some of my friends I tend to hold a little bit back. I don't necessarily, give all of myself to them, so with my wife I can tell her that I'm sad or upset or angry or happy and we can talk about a lot of stuff, and I feel very comfortable and yeah, just realized with her.Rebecca: That's really nice. What do you guys normally do together?Gareth: We like movies and TV shows. We're really into American TV shows and we just finished up watching Lost. It's an American TV show that went on for quite sometime, like six years, and we watched it from the very beginning and we just watched the last episode and we like TV shows. We also have two children so most of our time is spent playing with them. Going out. We like to travel a lot, so we often travel back to my home-country, England, and my mom's living in America at the moment so we're planning to visit her for Christmas.Rebecca: Sounds like a lot of fun.Gareth: Yeah, it is. Definitely. Rebecca: So then, the big question: do you guys ever fight?Gareth: Oh, yeah. Of course, yeah, but that's the good thing about it. It's making up after the fight that's important. So it doesn't matter that we fight and I think that most couples early on tend to avoid conflict and they tend to bottle stuff up inside, but then if you do keep that inside you'll end up resenting the partner for it, so I think it's healthy to give your opinion and that's what my wife and I do. We often tell each other when we're unhappy, and the reason why and we discuss it and we often fight and sometimes it gets heated, a heated argument, but then we make up and it's good. It makes us stronger. It makes up realize what annoys the other so.Rebecca: So you can avoid them in the future.Gareth: Exactly, yeah.Rebecca: Sounds really nice. That's really great. Thank you very much. Learn Vocabulary from the Lesson hold a little back
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