Creating Shared Custody Agreements

[Ellen James]

A shared, or joint, custody agreement means that both parents are
responsible for making the decisions concerning your child. In a
shared physical custody agreement your children spend time living with
both you and their other parent--they have two places of residence. In
a shared legal custody agreement the children live with one parent,
but both parents make the important decisions, where to go to school,
church, receive medical care, etc, concerning their child. Parents may
choose to have the shared legal or both of these custody agreements.
Every situation is unique and you should choose the agreement that
best suits you.
Let's say that you and your ex have chosen to have a shared physical
and legal custody agreement. The first thing to do in setting up your
agreement is to come up with a basic custody calendar schedule. This
is where you mark down the time that the child will spend with each
parent. You can choose the easiest way to do this. If you and your ex
live close by, maybe you want to alternate weeks with your child. Or,
maybe that wouldn't work at all. Perhaps you want to have the child
alternate homes every month and visit the other parent on the
weekends. Set up whatever schedule works best for you--the options are
endless. This will be the basic rotating schedule that your custody is
based on--so take your time in developing it. Consider the needs of
your child and also what will work between your ex and yourself (like
transportation and work issues).
 As you are creating your schedule you'll also need to figure out
where the children will spend holidays, vacation time, and other
special events. Divide the holidays equally between the parents so
both feel like they get quality time with the children. You may want
to shift the basic schedule when the kids are out of school--if it
works with your and your ex's schedule. It really pays off to set up a
good calendar schedule from the beginning. So, invest your time and
energy into creating exactly what you want. You want to create a
workable calendar that can be used for several years. You may want to
purchase a custody software program to help you create your calendar.
If you do, make sure you get one that allows you to play around with
different scheduling options so you can figure out your ideal one.
It is important that during the process of creating and refining your
shared custody agreement that you are patient and flexible. Those two
characteristics will get you through whatever challenge or issue that
arises. Do your best to create your schedule, but don't hesitate to
make changes if something isn't working. Communicate with your ex
(this may be hard--but try to set aside your difference for the sake
of your child) and with your child. If it's appropriate, let your
child give some input about the way the agreement is going. With some
effort on your part, you'll soon have a smooth shared custody
agreement.

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