Hey Zoomsters,
Let us gather again tomorrow evening at 7 ET if we are all willing and able. Because of our meetings, I have become sensitive to "issues" or questions that are arising not only in our meetings but also in the other Zoom meetings I attend and the Diehards online discussion group also. Something that arose for me multiple times this week has to do with what we call "clinging." As a confirmed clinger myself, I want to assure you that my words are not meant to make any claim for myself, nor are they meant to be any sort of criticism of anyone else. I do feel, however, that clinging may be an excellent point of inquiry and exploration since it is often described as an obstruction to realization or awakening. It seems to me that clinging is at least an unconscious habit of mind and body, and it may even be a congenital function. In my inquiries this week, I found that the mind/body will cling to literally anything to preserve its sense of a separate, independent self. Here, self manifests as a need for security, control, certainty. It is an escape from the psychological/emotional "freefall" that has been coming up in our discussions lately, the freefall that sometimes describes awakening. In one of the zoom meetings on Saturday, I decided to conduct a self-inquiry experiment with myself. I thought I would see if I could "see" into my motivations for speaking up in that meeting. As the meeting began, I realized the only way I could do that would be to not speak. Sure enough, throughout the really excellent and fun meeting, I had the urge to speak, to be a part of the discussion, to say something penetrating and clever. This impulse rose up in the body/mind like any emotion. It could be seen wordlessly as "energy" moving in me. Like a thought, it rose up and soon fell away. This system was simply reacting to the environment through its layers of conditioning and habit. I felt no interest in trying to change it or inhibit it, and I noticed that it traveled its own course in a matter of seconds. It was also interesting to me to notice that this impulse is a form of clinging. I was clinging to the image of myself as the one who speaks from wisdom and intelligence. The discussion, in my mind, couldn't proceed intelligently without my input. Ha! It was a great discussion without me. Perhaps even better; who knows? This was a fascinating study of this particular impulse, this form of clinging. For me at least, it is a beautiful thing to see the movement of conditioning within me without any judgment or need to interfere. It was THIS doing its thing. But interestingly, the impulse weakened and I was happy not to speak. And I wouldn't have spoken if Paul hadn't asked me near the very end if I had anything to say. At that point, I described my experiment to the group. And now I've described it to you. Some questions: Is there any "benefit" to this form of inquiry related to the old exhortation to "know thyself"? Through not-doing, are you able to see more clearly what you are unconsciously often doing? Can we witness our minds annexing our spirituality as yet another form of clinging or selfing? Is clinging, or anything else, really an obstacle to the discovery of "what is" or THIS? Maybe other good questions will arise. Thank you for your patience with my lengthy intro. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night.
Jim and Sheri