Joan,
There’s a lot here that feels familiar—and still, something important stands out for me.
Even as the illusion of separation softens, the relative world continues to appear very real—like a rainbow. It’s there, vivid and impactful, even if it isn’t what it seems to be.
What I notice is that much of the suffering doesn’t come from the appearance itself, but from how it’s taken—personally, as if it’s happening to a separate “me” who needs to manage or control it.
When that grip loosens, there’s a different relationship to what’s unfolding. The reactions still arise, but they don’t carry the same weight or solidity.
It’s not that the world disappears—it’s that we’re no longer confined to it in the same way.
Maybe that’s where the relief is—not in changing what appears, but in no longer being reduced to it.