Re: READ BOOK Sensate Focus In Sex Therapy The Illustrated Manual
Donnell Simon
For many people, problems with sexual response reflect the intrusion of their conscious, goal-oriented mind into an activity of the body that goes awry from psychological pressure. Sensate focus is a technique that helps partners learn to enjoy touch for the sheer pleasure of it.
Sensate Focus is intended for sex educators, sex therapists, relationship counselors and therapists, pastoral counselors, physicians and physician assistants and, to a degree, the general public. There has never been a publication on the specifics of how to use sensate focus touching to recover desire, reconnect with a partner, or address sexual dysfunctions. The manual also offers explanations for the reasons sensate focus works. The book has visual depictions so everyone may see the positions.
Touch is the most primal sensation and need. The first thing children do is to explore through touch out of a sense of curiosity. By the time we are young adults, touch is often paired with sexuality, and expectations about sexual touch abound. People need to relearn the importance of touching for its own sake, touching mindfully. Re-experiencing the sensation of touch, without the pressure to like it, to be aroused by it, or to simultaneously arouse the partner, helps create a connection to oneself and/or to the partner. When the conscious mind gets out of the way of the body, the body may respond on its own, building up a simmering charge.
Sensate focus is not just a therapeutic technique. It may provide valuable diagnostic information in vivo unattainable through interview. Sensate focus may be used individually or with a partner to: Increase body awareness and comfort; build trust and emotional closeness; slow down the sexual interaction for the partner(s) who may need it; increase sexual desire; and, where there is a psychosocial component to the sexual difficulty, sensate focus may serve as the foundation for the treatment of the sexual concern.
Sexual dysfunctions appear to be among the more common psychological difficulties in the general population. The prevalence is most likely between approximately 10-50 percent among men and 25-60 percent among women.
The goal of sex therapy is teaching people how to get their conscious, goal-oriented mind out of the way and return sex to its natural state. In a culture that places a high value on intentionality and hard work, sex is one thing that never works when you are working hard at it! Sexual response is about turning off the conscious mind and tuning into the body in a here-and-now way. Evaluations, expectations, and judgments must be managed so as not to get in the way of natural responsiveness.
Another component of sex therapy is education. Through therapy, people discover themselves and their bodies, and they communicate their discoveries to their partners. This may ultimately lead to a decrease in inhibition and an increased likelihood of genuinely transcendent experiences.
For couples with a more complex history, say, of emotional abuse in the family of origin and/or with current relationship dynamics that include intense and ongoing conflict, the initial goal might be helping them tackle barriers to being vulnerable outside of the bedroom before sensate focus is introduced. While sensate focus remains the focal point, skills for managing communication and relationship skills, in general, may have to come first.
Sensate focus suggestions are almost always appropriate, even with people who have no sexual difficulties but want to optimize their intimate connection. By improving their sense of physical intimacy, the small irritations that occur outside the bedroom are often neutralized. After the touching, people frequently report feeling closer to their partner and more hopeful of gaining greater emotional intimacy.
There are three types of sexual problems: medically related, emotional, or a combination of the two. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish the causal factors involved, but by using sensate focus techniques regardless of etiology, the elements begin to evidence themselves. For example, one client had prostate cancer surgery twice. After the first, he was able to recover his erections. Following the second surgery, he reported no progress regaining his erections. This appeared to be a medically induced case of erectile dysfunction.
However, by using sensate focus touching suggestions paired with fantasy work and relationship therapy, he was able to regain sexual functioning once again. There was clearly a psycho-social component. Even when the etiology is purely medical, sex therapy and sensate focus may help people discover what does work, rather than focusing on what has been lost.
Absolutely! Many clients report being somewhat apprehensive before the touching but they feel relaxed and emotionally connected to their partner afterward. Touching and being touched without pressure to do anything to or for anyone often produces the feel-good chemicals in the brain that create bonds and increase overall couple satisfaction.
This chapter is there to emphasize the most commonly held misunderstandings by therapists about the focus and intent of sensate focus. Many have believed, and understandably so, that sensate focus is about arousing and pleasuring especially the partner. But sensate focus is intended to remove all the pressure. Can you imagine if the expectations are that sensate focus is aimed at making arousal and pleasure happen, especially for the other person? Wow! Talk about pressure!
Sensate focus is a series of touching experiences that people can use for themselves to reconnect to their body and calm themselves or use with a partner to reduce pressure between the two and improve their sexual health. Deepening a sexual connection with your partner may mean focusing less on sexuality and more on the sensuality of touching. Turn off the thinking brain and turn on the primal brain, she asserts. In this podcast, Linda explains how to focus on mindful thinking to relieve anxiety, worry and sexual tension. She discusses the three components of sensate focus: temperature, texture and pressure, and how to use each to help with self-love and body acceptance.
Right. So then as I said later, once couples are comfortable and are having a decent sexual relationship in terms of function, then we put the gilded on the lily. And what do you really like and what are your kinks and what have you always fantasized about trying not what did you try with your previous lover
JOE KORT 17:40
You talked also about focusing on sharing this knowledge with physicians and allied health professionals so that they can learn of working with these couples, how are you doing that?
ideas about this makes sense to me. But then the mindfulness, really thought about mindfulness. Can you explain what that means for people? Because listeners may be like, what does that even mean? I hear it all the time. What do you mean?
JOE KORT 19:24
Right. Um, what do you say about why you got into this, like we all do since a focus we all learned in sex therapy trainings, but you made a career out of it, what brought you to make do that?
At the same time, this kind of self-focused communication is at the heart of cultivating healthy sexuality. Healthy communication leads to more emotional intimacy in relationships, and healthy sexuality is often a natural outgrowth of that. More specifically, partners learn how to communicate about their experience, emotions, and preferences regarding physical intimacy, which necessarily involves a focus on the self.
The reason that this may seem counterintuitive to clients at first is that culture shapes our expectations surrounding sexuality in the opposite way. Media messages tell us that idealized sexuality need not involve any direct communication. Instead, we learn that we should simply know how to please our partner from the outset:
This abstraction of such sexual prowess is a myth. In reality, attempting to mindread in this way is an impossible task. It does not work, and it does not lead to a greater connection or more gratifying sex life. On the contrary, failing to communicate usually results in frustration, disconnection, and dysfunction in the bedroom.
Carolina Sexual Wellness Center is a 501 c 3 non-profit organization with the mission of providing high quality and affordable sex therapy, education, and professional training to the broader community. We are an open and affirming organization that values and respects all people without exception. We recognize the harmful consequences of discrimination in the lives of those who experience oppression, and seek to remedy these effects with those who we serve.
Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy: The Illustrated Manual is an illustrated manual that provides health professionals with specific information on the use of the structured touching opportunities used regularly by Sexologists to address their clients' sexual difficulties (Sensate Focus 1) and enhance intimate relationships (Sensate Focus 2). This book is the only one to: vividly describe and illustrate the specific steps of, activities involved in, and positions associated with Sensate Focus; emphasize the purpose of Sensate Focus as a mindfulness-based practice; and distinguish between the purposes of Sensate Focus 1 and Sensate Focus 2.
Linda Weiner, MSW, LCSW, is co-director of the Institute for Sexual & Relationship Therapy & Training, providing sex and relationship therapy, supervision, and training. She is a speaker, writer, adjunct professor at the Brown School, Washington University in St. Louis, and was formerly a research and clinical associate at Masters & Johnson Institute. Ms. Weiner is a diplomate in clinical social work, a certified diplomate in sexology (American Board of Sexology), and is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists as a sex therapist, supervisor, and CE provider.Constance Avery-Clark, PhD, is co-director of the Institute for Sexual & Relationship Therapy & Training, an AASECT-certified diplomate in sex therapy and CE provider, and a certified diplomate in Sexology, American Board of Sexology. She has been a practicing licensed psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, for 28 years. Dr. Avery-Clark has one doctoral degree in clinical psychology and another in psychology-Jungian Studies. She was formerly a research and clinical associate at Masters & Johnson Institute. She specializes in treating sexual, relationship, and meaning-of-life concerns, and has published and lectured nationally, including an appearance on the Today Show.
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