Crush Girl
Kristeen Cheek
Hello,
Looking for a little bit of advice. My 11 year old girl told me that she has a crush on her friend at school. She was very embarrassed when she told me and said she's not sure she understands how she's feeling but that she hasn't felt this way about any other girls.
Over the years we've been very open and spoken lots about different types of sexuality and she knows that to me it doesn't matter who or what she is interested in so I'm very pleased she has come to me with this.
I just don't know where to go from here, Is there any good websites or videos I can show her to help her understand maybe what she is feeling? Do we just leave it at that conversation and see what happens?
I know at her age they are finding themselves and with hormones etc they are exploring their identity but I just want to be able to help her a little along the way.
I don't want to push her but at the same time I don't want her to struggle with her feelings.
Thanks
not sure what there is to try and resolve really. every child has crushes at some point. the fact its another girl is irrelevant if you've told her it doesn't matter either way, and she knows not to be over the top as the crush may not always feel the same (whatever sexuality they are)
I agree that you're overthinking this. It's pretty normal for 11yo kids to have crushes. Whether it's a girl or a boy is irrelevant really. No need to do anything at this stage.
It sounds like you have a nice, open relationship with her, so just keep talking.
How would you react if she told you about a crush on a boy? What would you advise her? (I'm assuming you wouldn't advise her to pursue a relationship). I don't think it needs to be much different at this age. I like the idea of sharing your crushes so she knows how normal it is.
I've explained to her that it's no different to liking a boy, I'm not trying to iron out or resolve anything and obviously nothing is wrong here. I haven't made a big deal out of it when she has told me, But she's come to me and is feeling very confused about these feelings. She feels different as all her friends are talking about boy crushes and I was hoping for something to help her realise that it's absolutely normal for this to be happening.
I know she's too young for a relationship, that won't be happening and she knows the other person doesn't feel the same way, she's smart enough to not make this into an issue.
I had a crush on an older girl at my (girls') school when I was 11 or so. I have never since had such a physical reaction to anyone - giggling, blushing, pounding heart, the full works. We all had crushes. It was an accepted part of growing up. We never did anything sexual whatsoever.
I am heterosexual and have been married for 30 years. No interest in fannies in a sexual way at all.
This is all very normal for the age. Dd used to come home in the last year of primary so 10/11 and tell me about her friends who had 2 crushes a boy crush and a girl crush etc. I don't think you need to 'do' anything more than you are doing. Soon other girls will start sharing their girl crushes too
She feels different as all her friends are talking about boy crushes and I was hoping for something to help her realise that it's absolutely normal for this to be happening.
I think what helped my daughter was the first time we went to Foyles book shop and she discovered their YA LGB section. She was thrilled and spent ages browsing and we bought several books.
Seeing same sex stories in print, on the bookshelves, really "normalised" things, even though we already had LGB friends in our family.
But this girl does not want to be out of this relationship. She is idealizing it and she is not asking you to save her. While she may very much enjoy your devotion to her, and your emotional support may in fact make her feel very good, this relationship is one-sided and you are getting nothing out of it. You will certainly not get a reciprocal, loving relationship with this girl, even if she leaves him. She will likely keep being attracted to, for lack of a better word, jerks, until, possibly, many years down the road she has an epiphany and goes into therapy. Some people continue to be attracted to abusive partners for their whole lives, unfortunately. Do not bet on this horse. It is not going to win.
Do you want to stare at this girl for socially unacceptable amounts of time? Do you think she smells like good poetry? Have you memorized the order of her Facebook profile photos purely by accident? Yeah, you might like a girl. Your feelings for another girl don't mean the world is going to collapse around you though! Promise! As for whether this crush means you're gay...the truth of the matter is that nobody can answer that but yourself. There are no rules: You don't have to label yourself gay or lesbian or queer or any other word simply over butterfly feelings. In fact, you don't ever have to label yourself.
Sexuality is more than a spectrum or a gay-straight binary with bi firmly in the middle. There are a bajillion places being a girl who likes a girl might lead. You could realize you're 100% only into girls, but it might also mean you like kissing girls but really want a relationship with guys, or maybe it means something else entirely. The possibilities are truly endless.
As 19-year-old Isabela Villareal explains, "I identify as queer because I believe sexuality is a fluid concept. While I might fall for a woman now, I may develop a crush on a trans man some day. My sexuality and attraction to people doesn't rely on gender." But remember: Identification isn't for everyone, and there's no need to rush. "Labeling is more harmful than helpful to me because I'm so new to this," says 20-year old Naomi Waltengus. "I'm hesitant to give myself a label that might not fit. I don't want people questioning me or asking me to prove myself."
So rather than categorizing yourself the second there's a Valentine in your heart, take a minute to breathe: Your feelings don't have to dictate your entire identity from now until forever. Let the feelings exist, and accept that you have them. You can deal as they come and go.
Well, if you begin venturing into your school's queer community or go to events in your neighborhood, you might have that question answered without even having to ask. If those resources aren't available to you, fear not. Swing your way into the same social settings as her and find a way to talk one-on-one. If she stares right back at you until you blush, lean in a little closer and gauge her reaction. You can also totally just flirt with her and see if she flirts back! Girls have an advantage over guys in the flirting department because the power dynamics are different (and thus the creepiness factor is all but gone). Even if she isn't gay and doesn't return the flirtation (or if she is gay, but isn't into you), your compliment might still make her day. I mean, wouldn't you love if the Cool Girl at School complimented you? You're the Cool Girl in this situation, so there's nothing to lose.
My pal Lola Pellegrino (who was featured as one of NYC's most eligible bachelorettes, so you know she's fighting off the babes) has some solid advice on how to tell if a girl likes you: "If after a few encounters you find yourself reading into her texts and deconstructing your last hangout session for clues, she's probably not interested. Caveat: In my experience, like everyone else on the planet, girls are hesitant to show interest, and there's a lot of waiting around for the other person to make a move. This is why you, Questioning Teen Vogue Reader, are going to be proactive. If you're in the waiting scenario I described, make a move yourself!"
Approach her like a person you want to be friends with! If you're the super confident type, you might just hand her your number and smile assertively after telling her she's cute and you'd like to get to know her better. If you're shyer? Here's a fool-proof tip, courtesy of writer Krista Burton: "Ask her about herself! If she's saying one word for every 10 of yours, she's probably not interested at the moment."
Women use the term girl crush to talk about women that they admire. These are women whose sense of style or whose talents they might look up to or want to emulate. In a way, a girl crush is a lot like a role model. These are women that other women love to spend time with.
Descriptions of girl crushes can be so intense that there are many articles that go in-depth about how to discern whether or not a strong attraction to another woman is a girl crush or a full-blown crush on a girl. Some of these clues include whether or not the reader thinks about their girl crush all the time or if they daydream about romantic situations that include her.
This is not meant to be a formal definition of girl crush like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of girl crush that will help our users expand their word mastery.
A crush may become obsessed with your child. Encourage your child to tell the peer to back off or stop. You are the parent, the adult. Step in when you need to. And of course, if your child is pursued by an adult or teen or if another child is harming your child, you also need to get some help from the proper authorities.
Teach accurately about Christian marriage and vocational singleness and family
Christian marriage is a calling between one Christian man and one Christian woman in covenant relationship for life for the sake of the kingdom: to embody the gospel and be open to raising children. Vocational singleness is a committed, lifetime calling to celibate singleness for the sake of the kingdom: to do kingdom work, raise up/mentor spiritual children, and embody the gospel.