March thoughts: Getting children to behave

[Developing Belief Network]

Hello all,

In the past few months, the DBN has been designing studies to assess children's understanding of the various religious and supernatural beings and forces in their worlds. Something that keeps coming up in these discussions is that one of the moments when children might learn about such beings and forces is when the adults in their lives are trying to help children to be kind, polite, calm, and safe -- or otherwise trying to get children to "behave."

From God, who is always watching; to the Tooth Fairy, who will reward you for parting ways with your baby tooth; to the sea monster who might nip at your toes if you go too deep in the water; to the "cooties" that you might get if you touch another child — what are the beings or forces that caregivers rely on to help regulate their children's behaviors?

Do caregivers tend to rely on different beings depending on whether they're trying to encourage the children to be kind vs. trying to prevent them from doing something dangerous or rude?

When do caregivers invoke beings or forces that they themselves believe in (e.g., God, karma), and when do they refer to beings that they no longer believe in themselves (e.g., Santa, cooties)?

As always, scholarly, anecdotal, expert, speculative, and personal comments are all welcome here. And if you are a researcher working on these topics yourself, please point us to your work!

All the best,
Kara & the DBN leadership team

The Developing Belief Network

PIs: Rebekah Richert, Ph.D., & Kathleen Corriveau, Ph.D.

Website: developingbelief.com

Email: developi...@gmail.com

[Eva CHEN]

Dear Kara and the DBN,

 

In Taiwanese folklore, there is “Aunt Tigress” (虎姑婆), a tiger spirit who appears late at night and steals children away to eat them (in an attempt to become human). The only way to stay safe from the spirit was to go to bed, since she only grabbed children who were still awake at night.

 

There is a popular children’s song to make sure children were aware of this threat: https://youtu.be/13fcvJ5BMfY.

(The lyrics, roughly translated: “A long, long time ago/my mother told me/Late, late at night/there is an Aunt Tigress. Crybabies don’t cry/she will bite your little ears/Unsleepy kids go to sleep/she will bite your little fingers. I still remember/closing my eyes and saying/ ‘Don’t bite me, Aunt Tigress/This good child is already asleep!’”

 

Kindergartens often literally have a song and dance about Aunt Tigress: https://youtu.be/ITklMyAfF7A. I am fairly sure adults no longer believe in the tiger spirit; and while Aunt Tigress targets “sleeping on time” specifically, I remember caregivers will often use her to also get children to finish tasks (doing homework, taking a bath, etc.) that need to be completed before bed.

 

Best, Eva

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[Nicholas Gibson]

No discussion of this is complete without Gary Larson’s contribution:

 

 

 

Nick

 

--

Nicholas J. S. Gibson, Ph.D. | Director, Human Sciences | John Templeton Foundation

300 Conshohocken State Road, Suite 500 | West Conshohocken, PA 19428, United States
P: +1-610-941-2828 | F: +1-610-825-1730 | www.templeton.org

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[Tanya Luhrmann]

I love this. Okay, that was the perfect segue. In the (Templeton funded) Mind and Spirit project, we asked many people of deep faith in the US, Ghana, Thailand, China and Vanuatu a series of questions about the mind, including a set of questions first created by Suzanne Gaskins (whose work on the cultural variation in play this group should know). They were vignettes like these:

 

 

Thomas is alone, watching cartoons on TV.   He turns to one side and says, “Do you like the cartoon?”  His mother comes into the room and sits down next to Thomas.  Thomas says, “Please be careful not to sit on my friend Tippy."

 

We followed the story with a series of questions: do people do that around here, would you encourage or discourage, etc.

 

We added this vignette:

 

To help Rachel behave better, Rachels’ mother teller her that a scary monster will come to get her if she misbehaves.

 

While we have not yet analyzed this portion of the interviews, our first pass data shows some striking cultural differences. Americans say they don’t do this and in general they think it is a terrible idea. Everywhere else, people said adults scared kids with imaginary monsters to make them behave. The other cool thing, however, is that while the Christians in these other countries mostly said it was a terrible idea (except in Ghana, where half the urban charismatic Christians thought it was a good idea) the non-Christians—and in spades, the rural non-Christians in Ghana and Vanuatu—thought it was a good idea.

 

Thinking of this, I am reminded of how dangerous the rural world in rural Ghana and Vanuatu is. While I was doing an interview in rural Ghana, outside of Cape Coast, a boy was bitten by a snake and died—all within the time it took to do the interview.

 

Happy weekend 😊

 

 

Tanya Marie Luhrmann

Albert Ray Lang Professor of Anthropology (and Psychology, by courtesy)

Stanford University

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[Erin Smith]

That data sounds amazing!

 

Anecdotally: a friend of mine, many years ago, caught her son in a lie. She wanted to provide some religious “umph” for her justification about why this was wrong. She looked up “lying” (or some synonym) in the index of her Bible, turned to a passage in the Old Testament, and started reading aloud to her son. The story ended with a very violent battle and heads on stakes. She realized where the story was going too late and said she has never seen that kind of terror in her child’s eyes before. His first question? “You’re not going to kill me, are you?” I’m not sure that he never lied again, but he was much more diligent about not being caught in it.

 

-Erin

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[Mona M AboZena]

Hello,

I love these provocations enough to continue March thoughts into April.

I think it is interesting that in the attempt to explore children's understanding of the various religious and supernatural beings and forces in their worlds, issues related to how adults promote prosocial and deter antisocial or undesirable behaviors came up.  This makes me think about the "purpose" or role of religious or supernatural beings, or how grown ups represent and operationalize them.  

Practical functions of the supernatural are certainly present in my understanding of Islam (I'll build on Erin's example of lying), but I am also thinking about the role of God (Allah) consciousness or reverence within Islam and the glorification of Allah (so revered and loved that children and adults are socialized not to defy or displease).

On a practical level, as Muslim I believe and taught my children about personal angels on our left and right shoulders that record our deeds (with accountability starting at adolescence or the age of maturity). I think it's interesting how this teaching overlaps in some general way with depictions in children's media (e.g., cartoons like Tom and Jerry with the "devil" and "angel" whispering in their ear).

From a developmental psychology perspective, young children's story telling, "lying" and other ranges of "non/compliant" behaviors are quite complex and need to be unpacked and contextualized. A child telling a "lie" to get out of trouble may reflect how they perceive the punitive nature of adults and systems v. promoting accountability or pivot room.  This is different from a child telling a "lie" that reflects their fantastic imagination.

As parents, we tried to promote God-consciousness in truth telling.  We discussed that truth is so important, that one of Allah's 99 names or attributes is Al Haqq (The Truth), so we should all guard the truth.  We discussed how whether we (adults) catch children telling a lie, Allah ALWAYS knows and permits the angels to know and record in their book of deeds.  To help internalize the process and make these ideas more concrete, we also talk about how when a person tells a lie, a stench emanates from his heart reaching the sky (and making additional angels who gather in circles of goodness flee).  

My kids are slightly older now, so I'll have to check in with them about how in/effective these strategies were.  Even as they are older, though, I continue focusing for my own spirituality and discussions with my family about God-consciousness as central to helping guide and regulate behavior.

Best,

Mona

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From: 'Erin Smith' via Developing Belief Network <developi...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, March 26, 2021 3:12 PM

To: Developing Belief Network <developi...@googlegroups.com>
Subject: RE: March thoughts: Getting children to behave

 

EXTERNAL SENDER

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[Isabelle Zammit]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this network. I read your emails with a lot of interest. This January, I just started my PhD journey with Prof. Laura Taylor at University College Dublin. I am interested in studying the impact of religion on preschool children's prosocial behaviour towards an ingroup or outgroup member.

My interest in the area rose from my experience with my own children. I live in Malta which is a traditional Catholic country. However, although I am baptised, I have been an atheist for more than 10 years now. Last year, my 5 year old came home sad and confused because her friend was going to report her to her mother (a police woman) because she does not say the prayer.  My older daughter (who is now 8 years old), when she was 3 years old, was very disturbed at school when during holy week the kindergarten teacher showed them an animated story of crucifixion for kids. At home we discuss other people's beliefs of supernatural beings related to religion as they arise. My daughters are very disturbed by the images related to holy week which are inevitable on the island on the days before Easter, however their teachers seem to find it hard to understand that we do not like our daughters to see these images. My eight year old gets very emotional when she sees pictures of Jesus on the cross and she just turns her head away. I understand her since as a child I used to be very frightened during the holy week procession. I remember these images haunting my dreams, making me a very scared person. I'm attaching some photos of the procession which takes place in every village on Good Friday. These did not take place this year due to the pandemic.  

Catholic religion is taught at school from 3 years of age, even if it is not included in the curriculum. Through online lessons, parents are more aware of the images and stories our children experience in class. Last week, I entered into a discussion with parents on facebook and most of them think I am keeping my daughters in a bubble because I do not want to expose them to the pictures of the holy week. Most of the parents agree that we should not expose children to violent movies or violent games, however they do not find anything wrong with violent pictures of their supernatural being. They feel that this will help their children understand how much God loves us and that he died for us. Some parents even told me to leave the country if I do not like it since this is part of our culture.

These events lead to a lot of questions. Has religion desensitised some parents? Does the belief in a supernatural being normalise otherwise unacceptable images for children to see? What do children really understand of their supernatural being? Do children link love with violence? Why do people get defensive and feel their sense of national identity is threatened if religious practices are questioned?  Do children link their beliefs with their sense of identity? Since my children so not share these religious beliefs, will this threaten their sense of national identity? Will my girls have problems making friends as they realise that their friends believe in supernatural beings that they do not believe in? Are children of non-cathloic faith considered as outsiders in Malta even though they and their parents are Maltese? What about children who attend Muslim schools, do they interact with "other" Maltese children? Are children of different faiths prosocial with each other?

I hope I did not divert your topic too much, but I look forward to reading your views.

best regards,

Isabelle

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