!!! CHRISTMASLIST 2004 !!!
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Derek Detweiler
Dec 10, 2004, 1:34:02 PM12/10/04
to detw...@googlegroups.com
Although out-of-date in approximately 21 days, the final release
"ChristmasList 2004" is sure to fill the stockings of mankind across
the globe this winter!!! Sad thing too, 'cause they won't have a place
to keep their feet!!
1. Stockings (for the stockingless feet due to ChristmasList 2004
filling them all)
2. Mechanical Robot (to protect the new stockings from being filled by
vengeful ChristmasList 2004's everywhere that didn't have stockings to
fill)
3. Space Heater (mechanical robots tend to make new stockings cold)
4. Nose-hair scissors (useful for foot hair too, since otherwise the
hair might be singed by the space heater)
5. Applesauce (in case your scissors gets dull and you accidentally
pluck a few – it'll sooth that foot fast)
6. Napkins (to clean up that applesaucy mess)
7. Waste basket (to clean up those applesaucy napkins)
8. Inconspicuous Corner (you'll need to find a place to keep that cute
little waste basket)
9. Octagonal Room (this will make sure you have plenty of
afore-mentioned inconspicuous corners)
10. Door (a room is entirely useless without this precious commodity)
11. Rustic Hinges (a door is entirely useless without this precious commodity)
12. A Critic (to argue that the hinges are indeed rustic, regardless
of the truth: this makes things convenient by allowing you to get any
type of hinge you like)
13. A Counselor (so you can regain your self-esteem if the critic
bores of the rustic hinge and begins a new critique of your
personality and physique)
14. A Lawyer (to get money from the critic to pay the counselor)
15. A Politician (to get money from the government to pay the lawyer)
16. A Few Soapboxes (to make the politician feel at home)
17. A Cause (so the soapboxes feel important)
18. An Effect (so the cause feels complete)
19. An Affect (so it can be confused with the effect and stimulate
conversation, howbeit a rather egg-headed one)
20. An English Teacher (to explain the difference between "effect" and "affect")
21. A Class Clown (so everyone doesn't get to worked up about cause and affect)
22. A Clown (so the class clown has someone to look up to and encourage him)
23. A Package of Balloons (need I explain this one?)
24. A Party (to give that clown and package of balloons a hang-out joint)
25. A Holiday (so the party can attract partiers)
26. Jesus (so you can have HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!)
Of course, as sad as it will be, there are a few people who will not
get ChristmasList 2004. They might not even have stockings to put it
in!!
Hmmm, compared to that, I guess I really don't need anything…
…well…
…a new wallet might be nice (as many folds as possible would be
best!!), and Ginny wants a tractor (red, green, what's the difference?
J).
Okay, I need to go: there's this little mechanical robot tickling my
feet and making my toes cold.
Derek Detweiler
Network Technician
HMHEC
(828)-324-6966 x2006
http://www.hmhec.org/
"ChristmasList 2004" is sure to fill the stockings of mankind across
the globe this winter!!! Sad thing too, 'cause they won't have a place
to keep their feet!!
1. Stockings (for the stockingless feet due to ChristmasList 2004
filling them all)
2. Mechanical Robot (to protect the new stockings from being filled by
vengeful ChristmasList 2004's everywhere that didn't have stockings to
fill)
3. Space Heater (mechanical robots tend to make new stockings cold)
4. Nose-hair scissors (useful for foot hair too, since otherwise the
hair might be singed by the space heater)
5. Applesauce (in case your scissors gets dull and you accidentally
pluck a few – it'll sooth that foot fast)
6. Napkins (to clean up that applesaucy mess)
7. Waste basket (to clean up those applesaucy napkins)
8. Inconspicuous Corner (you'll need to find a place to keep that cute
little waste basket)
9. Octagonal Room (this will make sure you have plenty of
afore-mentioned inconspicuous corners)
10. Door (a room is entirely useless without this precious commodity)
11. Rustic Hinges (a door is entirely useless without this precious commodity)
12. A Critic (to argue that the hinges are indeed rustic, regardless
of the truth: this makes things convenient by allowing you to get any
type of hinge you like)
13. A Counselor (so you can regain your self-esteem if the critic
bores of the rustic hinge and begins a new critique of your
personality and physique)
14. A Lawyer (to get money from the critic to pay the counselor)
15. A Politician (to get money from the government to pay the lawyer)
16. A Few Soapboxes (to make the politician feel at home)
17. A Cause (so the soapboxes feel important)
18. An Effect (so the cause feels complete)
19. An Affect (so it can be confused with the effect and stimulate
conversation, howbeit a rather egg-headed one)
20. An English Teacher (to explain the difference between "effect" and "affect")
21. A Class Clown (so everyone doesn't get to worked up about cause and affect)
22. A Clown (so the class clown has someone to look up to and encourage him)
23. A Package of Balloons (need I explain this one?)
24. A Party (to give that clown and package of balloons a hang-out joint)
25. A Holiday (so the party can attract partiers)
26. Jesus (so you can have HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!)
Of course, as sad as it will be, there are a few people who will not
get ChristmasList 2004. They might not even have stockings to put it
in!!
Hmmm, compared to that, I guess I really don't need anything…
…well…
…a new wallet might be nice (as many folds as possible would be
best!!), and Ginny wants a tractor (red, green, what's the difference?
J).
Okay, I need to go: there's this little mechanical robot tickling my
feet and making my toes cold.
Derek Detweiler
Network Technician
HMHEC
(828)-324-6966 x2006
http://www.hmhec.org/
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