A suitable punishment
James Follett
I need the advice of the older, more mature male contributors to this
newsgroup on a matter of some delicacy. The story goes back 40 years to
when I was a boat building enthusiast. To me there is no finer sensation
than the silky feel of carefully-prepared top quality marine plywood
beneath ones fingertips. One of the most satisfying jobs is varnishing,
watching blood raw mahogany taking on the rich, mellow hue of golden
syrup as successive coats are applied and rubbed down.
It was around 1960 that I invested what was then a huge sum in a 3-inch
Harris varnishing brush with the finest bristles selected from the tails
and manes of hand-reared Arabian thoroughbreds. I nurtured that brush,
spent hours cutting it back and forth on garnet paper until it had the
most wonderfully smooth bevel. One hour's use usually resulted in an
hour's cleaning. When finished, its bristles combed (I knew everyone by
name) the brush would be stored in a little muslin bag.
I needed to use that brush today. I couldn't find it. I turned the place
out but no brush. I mentioned it to my dear wife. The sudden look of
guilt told half the story. The story was completed when she produced the
brush. She had used it for emulsion paint! As if that wasn't bad enough,
but she had forgotten to clean it. It was a petrified, miserable stump,
its wonderful bristles welded together into a solid mass of concrete-
hard paint. She is now going around wearing a hunted expression, not
knowing when the axe will fall, but knowing that fall it must, just as
it fell some years ago when she used a fine Footprint chisel as
screwdriver to change the belt on a vacuum cleaner.
Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
--
James Follett Callsign G1LXP http://www.davew.demon.co.uk
superhet
[snip a sorrowful tale, indeed]
The punishment most suitable is the one you may not exact: punish a
bottle of Tanqueray.
Keith
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> writes
>
>I need the advice of the older, more mature male contributors to this
>newsgroup on a matter of some delicacy. The story goes back 40 years to
>when I was a boat building enthusiast. To me there is no finer sensation
>than the silky feel of carefully-prepared top quality marine plywood
>beneath ones fingertips. One of the most satisfying jobs is varnishing,
>watching blood raw mahogany taking on the rich, mellow hue of golden
>syrup as successive coats are applied and rubbed down.
>
There's nowt finer than a rough hewn talisman within one's control..
>It was around 1960 that I invested what was then a huge sum in a 3-inch
>Harris varnishing brush with the finest bristles selected from the tails
>and manes of hand-reared Arabian thoroughbreds. I nurtured that brush,
>spent hours cutting it back and forth on garnet paper until it had the
>most wonderfully smooth bevel. One hour's use usually resulted in an
>hour's cleaning. When finished, its bristles combed (I knew everyone by
>name) the brush would be stored in a little muslin bag.
>
Sh*t! I didn't know they bred hand-reared Arabian thoroughbred badgers..
>I needed to use that brush today. I couldn't find it. I turned the place
>out but no brush. I mentioned it to my dear wife. The sudden look of
>guilt told half the story. The story was completed when she produced the
>brush. She had used it for emulsion paint! As if that wasn't bad enough,
>but she had forgotten to clean it. It was a petrified, miserable stump,
>its wonderful bristles welded together into a solid mass of concrete-
>hard paint.
<Swoon> <Thud>
> She is now going around wearing a hunted expression, not
>knowing when the axe will fall, but knowing that fall it must, just as
>it fell some years ago when she used a fine Footprint chisel as
>screwdriver to change the belt on a vacuum cleaner.
>
Aaargh! If only she'd used it on the fanbelt of the Roller...
>Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
>its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
>the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
>similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
>
Pshaw! Piffle! Use the chainsaw! On behalf of manhood you *owe* it to
society!
If the Bulger duo can be let out in seven-odd years... by the rules of
natural justice, though wouldst be worthy of parole by half past three
next Tuesday..
SWMBO *gave away* my finest 5inch emulsion brush to my son... he used it
for *GLOSS*..... my constabulary neighbour agreed that there were
compelling and compassionate grounds for infanticide
<sob> <sob sob> <the pain> <weep> <wail>
--
Keith
Marcus Durham
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> shared the following with us in demon.local:
[snip]
>I needed to use that brush today. I couldn't find it. I turned the place
>out but no brush. I mentioned it to my dear wife. The sudden look of
>guilt told half the story. The story was completed when she produced the
>brush. She had used it for emulsion paint!
Well that's your fault for sending your wife out on painting and
decorating jobs to earn money whilst you sit at home all day writing
books. Tsk!
--
Marcus Durham
"It's To Do With You!"
www.mdurham.co.uk
David Brown
>newsgroup on a matter of some delicacy.
>Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
>its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
>the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
>similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
>
Asking for (undoubtedly sadistic) suggestions is unlikely to bring any
delicate suggestions.
For starters you need a top quality brush in "new" condition. Emulsion
/can/ be removed from brushes etc. but it is a long tedious task,
delicately scraping each individual hair on all sides. That might give
her the idea that she should not mess with your paintbrushes, but you do
need to reinforce the message by having her sit (no panties, trousers,
cushions etc.) on a cold damp stone floor with no TV or radio until the
job is completed to your entire satisfaction.
(On second thoughts - get some young dolly bird to make the sounds of
multiple orgasms just outside the door whilst she is doing it but can't
see)
--
David
Rachel Sullivan
>newsgroup on a matter of some delicacy.
[Snip tragic story]
I passed this on to Grandad who said the following: "Don't bother about
the Footprint chisel, they were no bloody good anyhow - wouldn't sharpen
up." Sorby were the ones he had when he was a joiner. He also mentioned
a variety called 'Marples'.
V. sympathetic about the brush though. Said 'Poor Bugger! They don't do
good brushes today - don't last long enough to wear down nicely.'
Suggested you leave home and start again on your own. (He is an
embittered man).
Personally I think your wife is following in the time honoured tradition
of women. In this household at least a stubborn determination to refuse
to learn how to use certain tools mean the menfolk have to use 'em
instead. Lawnmowers are a prime example. Ma and I have broken the
lawnmower so often our neighbour calls by every fortnight and mows the
grass for us (Bless him). Driving cars and using computers are OK so
long as we don't have to bother about *how* they work - just so long as
they do!
If we have to decorate, we do such a bad job we're not asked to do it
again though ackshully I don't mind decorating too much and try to do a
reasonable job. Looking after the brushes though ... Nah. Tony got v.
upset once when I put the gloss brush into a jar of water :)
Ma has taken it to the nth degree and says she can't learn to drive the
new cooker - it's too complicated.
We have found that damaging good tools, or losing them, is an excellent
method of making certain Grandad will do the job properly next time.
Can you see why he is so embittered James?
Anyway, GD has a marvellous workshop and if you ever bestir yourself and
come up to Cumbria you can see it. It's lockable and we have to ask if
we want to borrow any tools. However, I have managed to remove his best
design equipment - a huge mahogagany T square with an ebony edge amongst
other things which are now in my quilting room - but I expect he'll
discover they've gone eventually.
On the whole, it would be best if you did all the decorating and mending
jobs, don't you think? Much better for domestic harmony and all that.
I mean, really! Why on earth was she trying to change the belt on the
hoover? It shouldn't have been necessary at all. Bad enough using the
damned thing without trying to fix it.
I've killed our Dodgy Dyson BTW. In preparation for the peeps appearing
at the house this weekend. I think 6 months of dust outfaced it a bit
...
... I 'spect GD will fix it though :)
--
Rachel
James Follett
<Da...@dbrown.demon.co.uk> writes
>>Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment.
> ... Emulsion
>/can/ be removed from brushes etc. but it is a long tedious task,
>delicately scraping each individual hair on all sides. That might give
>her the idea that she should not mess with your paintbrushes, but you
>do need to reinforce the message by having her sit (no panties,
>trousers, cushions etc.) on a cold damp stone floor with no TV or radio
>until the job is completed to your entire satisfaction.
Good grief, man -- I've no intention of letting her off that lightly!
Ben Newsam
saying "0":
>a huge mahogagany T square with an ebony edge
Wow. Respect.
--
Ben
David Hadley
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>it fell some years ago when she used a fine Footprint chisel as
>screwdriver to change the belt on a vacuum cleaner.
>
I have a wife.
I once had a fine chisel.
She used it to open a tin of paint.
>Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
>its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
>the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
>similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
>
Just accept it now - as you will eventually have to anyway, and save
yourself all that needless suffering - it was all your fault.
--
David Hadley
Rachel Sullivan
<ah004...@cableinet.co.uk> writes
>On Tue, 26 Jun 2001 21:35:44 +0100, James Follett
><ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>
>>it fell some years ago when she used a fine Footprint chisel as
>>screwdriver to change the belt on a vacuum cleaner.
>>
>
>I have a wife.
>
>I once had a fine chisel.
>
>She used it to open a tin of paint.
So what's wrong with that? What else would you use to get the lid off?
They are the ideal tool for the job, better than screwdrivers.
--
Rachel
James Follett
<b...@microser.demon.co.uk> writes
There's an unintentional gag in the wood.
Mark Horsman
rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk says...
<weeps uncontrollably>
--
Do unto others....
mark horsman
John Dean
James Follett <ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> wrote in message
news:elmZBCAg...@james-follett.com...
>
> I need the advice of the older, more mature male contributors to this
> newsgroup on a matter of some delicacy. The story goes back 40 years to
> when I was a boat building enthusiast. To me there is no finer sensation
> than the silky feel of carefully-prepared top quality marine plywood
> beneath ones fingertips.
Time to be getting out more, James.
>
> Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
> its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
> the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
> similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
>
Make her use *your* razor when she wants to shave her legs.
--
John Dean -- Oxford
I am anti-spammed -- defrag me to reply
Roz Sullivan
anm.freeserve.co.uk> writes
>In article <GVvTCHAK...@thbarker.demon.co.uk>,
>rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk says...
>> In article <uonjjtshh56qqkldq...@4ax.com>, David Hadley
>> <ah004...@cableinet.co.uk> writes
<snip>
>> >I have a wife.
>> >
>> >I once had a fine chisel.
>> >
>> >She used it to open a tin of paint.
>>
>> So what's wrong with that? What else would you use to get the lid off?
>> They are the ideal tool for the job, better than screwdrivers.
Honestly, Mother.
>AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!
I agree wholeheartedly.
><weeps uncontrollably>
<pats on back>
There, there.
--
Roz Sullivan
Mark Horsman
says...
>
> Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment. The chain saw has
> its attractions but I fear that its usage might get me in trouble with
> the law unless I could be certain of an all-male jury. Any males had
> similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
>
You could buy a new brush and run it in by having your servant run it up
and down her back until it assumes the correct profile.
Mark Horsman
rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk says...
>
> On the whole, it would be best if you did all the decorating and mending
> jobs, don't you think? Much better for domestic harmony and all that.
> I mean, really! Why on earth was she trying to change the belt on the
> hoover? It shouldn't have been necessary at all. Bad enough using the
> damned thing without trying to fix it.
>
engine for a re-bore. Mum re-assembled it, with suitable help for the
heavy bits ('cos she was rather petite), successfully.
Mark Horsman
says...
> In article <9hd8vk$h4d$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk>, Mark Horsman <mark@horsm
> anm.freeserve.co.uk> writes
> ><weeps uncontrollably>
>
> <pats on back>
>
> There, there.
>
"Sob" Dank you.
Hello young lady, how are you doing? Term over and let loose on an
unsuspecting world?
Keith
<rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk> writes
>
[....]
>I've killed our Dodgy Dyson BTW. In preparation for the peeps appearing
>at the house this weekend. I think 6 months of dust outfaced it a bit
>...
AH! It was *you* who sent the anonymous text message about a destroyed
Dyson... this became a source of considerable concern to SWMBO, who
thought our daughter was in immediate need....
Good job I didn't go out and buy her one..
--
Keith
James Follett
<rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk> writes
Criticisms of men's lunchboxes and toolboxes are two subjects best left
alone by women.
Roz Sullivan
nm.freeserve.co.uk> writes
<snip comforting words>
>"Sob" Dank you.
You're welcome.
>Hello young lady, how are you doing?
I'm fine TKS, just absolutely knackered from exams and coursework.
> Term over and let loose on an
>unsuspecting world?
Just about - one more day left. (I don't go in on Thursdays anyway) Then PAR-
T!
--
Roz Sullivan
Rachel Sullivan
<Ke...@ilf0rd.demon.co.uk> writes
<giggle>. Who else? I thought your new and expensive WAP phone would
tell you who had texted you - like wot mine does. You *do* need Roz to
programme it, don't you?
The DD is Lying In State under the stairs now while it awaits a new bit.
--
Rachel
Simon
Hmm, I notice a rather obvious lack of invitations there! :-(
--
Simon.
Open doors not windows - http://www.linux.org
Mike Fleming
> Any males had
> similar experiences of ill-treatment of their tools by unfeeling women?
Oh yes. The current wife sharpened a Sabatier carving knife, a wedding
present to my first wife and I, with one of those things with two sets
of wheels which turn a straight edge into a bread knife.
But it was the ex-step-son-in-law who was worst. He imagined himself
to be a mechanic, and occasionally borrowed tools from me, whenever I
couldn't think of a good reason not to lend them to him. Well, there
was a good reason, but I must admit I was never able to say "No, you
fucked the socket set last time you used it, you're a hamfisted twat
with no mechanical sympathy whatsoever, and if you want to be a
mechanic you'd better get your own bloody tools".
--
Mike Fleming Coitum non dono
If life just seems like a struggle and you feel you're contending in vain
Then the light at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train
Keith
<rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk> writes
>>
>>>I've killed our Dodgy Dyson BTW. In preparation for the peeps appearing
>>>at the house this weekend. I think 6 months of dust outfaced it a bit
>>>...
>
>>AH! It was *you* who sent the anonymous text message about a destroyed
>>Dyson... this became a source of considerable concern to SWMBO, who
>>thought our daughter was in immediate need....
>
>>Good job I didn't go out and buy her one..
>
><giggle>. Who else? I thought your new and expensive WAP phone would
>tell you who had texted you - like wot mine does. You *do* need Roz to
>programme it, don't you?
>
problem... it displayed as 'anonymous' and I hit the 'delete' key in
error...
...and yes - Roz can have a fiddle [1] with it over the weekend
[1] Back to violins..
>The DD is Lying In State under the stairs now while it awaits a new bit.
^ A
--
Keith
Mark Horsman
says...
> In article <9hdg6g$asg$6...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk>, Mark Horsman <mark@horsma
> nm.freeserve.co.uk> writes
>
>
> I'm fine TKS, just absolutely knackered from exams and coursework.
>
> > Term over and let loose on an
> >unsuspecting world?
>
> Just about - one more day left. (I don't go in on Thursdays anyway) Then PAR-
> T!
Look out world!
You seem to be using the same incomprehensible language my son uses when
he sends me SMS text :(
Yes, I know, I'm a poor old sod :)
La Puce
:)))) Dead right!
La puce
Andrew Wilkes
writes
Bet you wouldn't say that if it was an ivory edge...
--
regards andyw
Roz Sullivan
writes
>Roz Sullivan wrote:
<snip>
>> Just about - one more day left. (I don't go in on Thursdays anyway) Then
>> PAR- T!
>Hmm, I notice a rather obvious lack of invitations there! :-(
ISTR Tony posting that there was a mini meet at The Station Inn, Oxenholme on
Saturday night ...
--
Roz
Underground, overground wombling free
The wombles of Wimbledom Common are we ...
James Follett
Step right up, folks! Buy a La Puce smile and get three free chins!
Hurry while stocks last.
James Follett
nm.freeserve.co.uk> writes
>> I'm fine TKS, just absolutely knackered from exams and coursework.
>>
>> Just about - one more day left. (I don't go in on Thursdays anyway) Then
>PAR-
>> T!
>You seem to be using the same incomprehensible language my son uses when
>he sends me SMS text :(
>Yes, I know, I'm a poor old sod :)
KNW FLNG WLL. EVN WF INFCTED. GT ONE FRM HR WHN SHPPNG THT WHBBLD ABT
BYNG FLX TURKY OR RBBT. DIDT HVE A CLU WHT SH MNT.
David Brown
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> writes
>In article <NUb9kVAG...@dbrown.demon.co.uk>, David Brown
><Da...@dbrown.demon.co.uk> writes
>>In article <elmZBCAg...@james-follett.com>, James Follett
>><ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> writes
>
>>>Trouble is, I can't think of a suitable punishment.
>
>> ... Emulsion
>>/can/ be removed from brushes etc. but it is a long tedious task,
>>delicately scraping each individual hair on all sides. That might give
>>her the idea that she should not mess with your paintbrushes, but you
>>do need to reinforce the message by having her sit (no panties,
>>trousers, cushions etc.) on a cold damp stone floor with no TV or radio
>>until the job is completed to your entire satisfaction.
>
>Good grief, man -- I've no intention of letting her off that lightly!
>
cockroaches, lice and cold do their share. (You could always annoint her
lower parts with honey) and release a swarm of bees / wasps
--
David
David Brown
<r...@roz.demon.co.uk> writes
Me wonders what Rachel does with her pruning knife
--
David
Mark Horsman
ne...@skipper.org.uk says...
>
> He should know better than to send SMS to an old fogey like you.
>
The 'written' word is about the only way to communicate with him, such as
"Where the fuck are you?"
Saying that we've just got home from watching him act as Duncan in
Macbeth. Very good it was too.
Richard
>Why do all the work yourself? Just let the assorted hungry rodents,
>cockroaches, lice and cold do their share. (You could always annoint her
>lower parts with honey) and release a swarm of bees / wasps
Wot? And risk a sting on his tongue?
--
Richard
Richard
>>:)))) Dead right!
>
>Bet you wouldn't say that if it was an ivory edge...
>
Then it would be dead elephant.
--
Richard
Richard
>
>KNW FLNG WLL. EVN WF INFCTED. GT ONE FRM HR WHN SHPPNG THT WHBBLD ABT
>BYNG FLX TURKY OR RBBT. DIDT HVE A CLU WHT SH MNT.
>
IS YR NXT BK 2B PBLSHD ON WAP?
--
Richard
(The spool chucker just had a nervous breakdown)
Rachel Sullivan
Tungate <ne...@skipper.org.uk> writes
>In article <JK2xvEAA...@thbarker.demon.co.uk>, Rachel Sullivan wrote:
>
>>Anyway, GD has a marvellous workshop and if you ever bestir yourself and
>>come up to Cumbria you can see it. It's lockable and we have to ask if
>>we want to borrow any tools. However, I have managed to remove his best
>>design equipment - a huge mahogagany T square with an ebony edge amongst
>>other things which are now in my quilting room - but I expect he'll
>>discover they've gone eventually.
>
>What's it worth to not tell him in September ? :)
No dinner if you do!
He already knows - doesn't seem to mind ATM as he's building an engine
just now so doesn't need drawing equipment.
--
Rachel
Rachel Sullivan
<Da...@dbrown.demon.co.uk> writes
>Me wonders what Rachel does with her pruning knife
I sharpen it on the wall by the back door.
--
Rachel
James Follett
ingonchaos.co.uk> writes
>James Follett wrote
>
>>
>>KNW FLNG WLL. EVN WF INFCTED. GT ONE FRM HR WHN SHPPNG THT WHBBLD ABT
>>BYNG FLX TURKY OR RBBT. DIDT HVE A CLU WHT SH MNT.
>>
>IS YR NXT BK 2B PBLSHD ON WAP?
YS! PRF RDNG IT NW BT UP AGNST PRBLMS WTH SPLLCHCKR. WNT SMPL?
"THE EVL SR JSPR UNZPPD HS TRUSRS & RPD OFF HR SKRT. H PLLD DWN HR KNKRS
& FRCD HR 2..." 'PRY UNHND ME' TH SWT YUNG GRL IMPLRD. 'FR I AM A VRGN &
PRMSD 2 ANTHR! U CNNT DSPL ME!' 'I WLL HVE MI WCKD WY WTH U FRST!' CRD
SR JSPR & RMMD HS MGHTY DNG IN HR YLDNG...
THS THRLLNG ADVNTR OF PSSN AND UNBRDLD SX CAN B DWNLDD IN 400 EPSDS FRM:
James Follett
Tungate <ne...@skipper.org.uk> writes
>In article <9hes5c$89m$2...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk>, Mark Horsman wrote:
>
>>You seem to be using the same incomprehensible language my son uses when
>>he sends me SMS text :(
>>Yes, I know, I'm a poor old sod :)
>
It was this old fogey who pointed out to his son that his SMS received
tones: dit-dit-dit dah-dah dit-dit-dit were the letters S M S in Morse.
The news appeared to sadden him. My limited Morse ability was enough to
enrage my wife during screenings of "Morse" on the box. Always, around
the 5th reel, the lead violin would pick out the name of the villain in
Morse. A pity that Morse and Lewis never stopped talking, and listened
to the background music.
I love that opening music: dah-dah dah-dah-dah... Great stuff.
Ben Newsam
saying "none":
<Inspector Morse>
>I love that opening music: dah-dah dah-dah-dah... Great stuff.
... Dit-dah-dit dit-dit-dit dit.
--
Ben
James Follett
> ... Ma and I have broken the
>lawnmower so often our neighbour calls by every fortnight and mows the
>grass for us (Bless him). Driving cars and using computers are OK so
>long as we don't have to bother about *how* they work - just so long as
>they do!
There was an hilarious Farside cartoon last week. It showed a hopeful
dog looking pleadingly up at his owner. In the foreground is a recently
mowed lawn with swathes of cut grass wandering all over the place. The
owner is saying to the dog: "You call *that* mowing the lawn? Bad dog!
No biscuit! Bad dog!"
I'm pleased to report that my wife's sense of humor has now locked into
Gary Larsen. She tears them off each day and has a snigger.
>On the whole, it would be best if you did all the decorating and mending
>jobs, don't you think? Much better for domestic harmony and all that.
>I mean, really! Why on earth was she trying to change the belt on the
>hoover? It shouldn't have been necessary at all. Bad enough using the
>damned thing without trying to fix it.
Trouble is my dear wife gets sudden and uncontrollable urges to
decorate. Nothing is planned, of course. No contemplation of the
disruption, or loading her CAD decor software to determine what the room
will look like when she's wrecked it; no careful listing of materiel
needed. A bit of masking tape, a pot of paint, a brush, and she's off
without notification or discussion. "No time like the present," is what
I get. Silly woman still hasn't learned that the present is always the
worst possible time to undertake such work.
--
James Follett Novelist (Callsign G1LXP) http://www.davew.demon.co.uk
Richard
to tap it in for you?
--
Richard
Stuart Baldwin
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>There was an hilarious Farside cartoon last week.
I don't think he does them any more.
>It showed a hopeful
>dog looking pleadingly up at his owner. In the foreground is a recently
>mowed lawn with swathes of cut grass wandering all over the place. The
>owner is saying to the dog: "You call *that* mowing the lawn? Bad dog!
>No biscuit! Bad dog!"
An old one, although I must admit that most of his work stands
revisiting, which is just as well considering how ubiquitous it is.
>
>I'm pleased to report that my wife's sense of humor has now locked into
>Gary Larsen. She tears them off each day and has a snigger.
You use Far Side bog paper?
>Trouble is my dear wife gets sudden and uncontrollable urges to
>decorate. Nothing is planned, of course. No contemplation of the
>disruption, or loading her CAD decor software to determine what the room
>will look like when she's wrecked it; no careful listing of materiel
>needed. A bit of masking tape, a pot of paint, a brush, and she's off
>without notification or discussion. "No time like the present," is what
>I get. Silly woman still hasn't learned that the present is always the
>worst possible time to undertake such work.
Oh dear, you're me. No, that can't be right, I can't see the sea.
--
Stuart Baldwin
Mark Horsman
says...
>
> THS THRLLNG ADVNTR OF PSSN AND UNBRDLD SX CAN B DWNLDD IN 400 EPSDS FRM:
>
James Follett
<stu...@boxatrix.demon.co.uk> writes
>>I'm pleased to report that my wife's sense of humor has now locked into
>>Gary Larsen. She tears them off each day and has a snigger.
>
>You use Far Side bog paper?
"Off the Wall" calendar. A Gary Larsen cartoon a day.
>
>>Trouble is my dear wife gets sudden and uncontrollable urges to
>>decorate. Nothing is planned, of course. No contemplation of the
>>disruption, or loading her CAD decor software to determine what the room
>>will look like when she's wrecked it; no careful listing of materiel
>>needed. A bit of masking tape, a pot of paint, a brush, and she's off
>>without notification or discussion. "No time like the present," is what
>>I get. Silly woman still hasn't learned that the present is always the
>>worst possible time to undertake such work.
>
>Oh dear, you're me. No, that can't be right, I can't see the sea.
Don't understand.
Richard
>In article <BPfyEHAK...@thbarker.demon.co.uk>, Rachel Sullivan wrote:
>
>>He already knows - doesn't seem to mind ATM as he's building an engine
>>just now so doesn't need drawing equipment.
>
>
Wanke[NO CARRIER]
Donald R. Oddy
rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk "Rachel Sullivan" writes:
>In article <uonjjtshh56qqkldq...@4ax.com>, David Hadley
><ah004...@cableinet.co.uk> writes
>>I once had a fine chisel.
>>
>>She used it to open a tin of paint.
>
>So what's wrong with that? What else would you use to get the lid off?
>They are the ideal tool for the job, better than screwdrivers.
Ideal for getting blood and paint (plus the odd finger) everywhere.
What I can't understand is why no one seems to have heard of lockable
toolboxes.
--
Donald
http://www.grove.demon.co.uk/
Donald R. Oddy
rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk "Rachel Sullivan" writes:
>The DD is Lying In State under the stairs now while it awaits a new bit.
You'll find a bit in the tool box - unless some woman has borrowed it
for some strange purpose.
--
Donald
http://www.grove.demon.co.uk/
Mandy
de...@fragmsn.com> writes
>Make her use *your* razor when she wants to shave her legs.
Bah, if she's any sort of a woman then she'll already use his razor and
leave it clogged up with nice, long leg and underarm hairs.. along with
a smidgen of soap!
--
Mandy
Mark Horsman
says...
>
> What I can't understand is why no one seems to have heard of lockable
> toolboxes.
>
changing tap washers, would you?
David Hadley
Oddy") wrote:
>What I can't understand is why no one seems to have heard of lockable
>toolboxes.
Male chastity belts?
--
David Hadley
David Hadley
<rac...@thbarker.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>In article <uonjjtshh56qqkldq...@4ax.com>, David Hadley
><ah004...@cableinet.co.uk> writes
>>
>>I have a wife.
>>
>>I once had a fine chisel.
>>
>>She used it to open a tin of paint.
>
>So what's wrong with that? What else would you use to get the lid off?
I dunno. She won't let me do painting.
>They are the ideal tool for the job, better than screwdrivers.
Fine by me.
It is amazing, the number of 'little jobs' around the house that need
a chisel, and if she was daft enough to break the chisel then she
can't blame me [1] if the job never gets done, can she?
[1] Yes, I know. I accept that it is all my fault anyway.
--
David Hadley
Keith
Tungate <ne...@skipper.org.uk> writes
>>just now so doesn't need drawing equipment.
>
>
GD had machined a new crankshaft and was balancing it this weekend....
he'd stripped out a 40cc chainsaw engine - stupid needle roller
bearings, no good at all, it even had *plastic* thrust bearings! - and
was making an extended crank, with additional casing for third main
bearing...
Fantastic..
--
Keith
Keith
<ah004...@cableinet.co.uk> writes
--
Keith
Mark Horsman
symposium.demon.co.uk says...
Simon
The word wife springs to mind! :-(
--
Simon.
It's just a jump to the left.....and then a step to the right....
La Puce
<ja...@marage.demon.co.uk> writes
>>:)))) Dead right!
>
>Step right up, folks! Buy a La Puce smile and get three free chins!
>Hurry while stocks last.
I've got two words for you, James, 'tender hooks' ... ;)
La puce
La Puce
<ne...@benevolent.demon.co.uk> writes
>>>>a huge mahogagany T square with an ebony edge
>>>
>>>Wow. Respect.
>>
>>:)))) Dead right!
>Bet you wouldn't say that if it was an ivory edge...
Yous stay out or I start dissin' ;)
La puce
La Puce
<r...@roz.demon.co.uk> writes
>In article <9hdlag$hsc$2...@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk>, Simon <ne...@simonj.co.uk>
>writes
>>Roz Sullivan wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>>> Just about - one more day left. (I don't go in on Thursdays anyway) Then
>>> PAR- T!
>
>>Hmm, I notice a rather obvious lack of invitations there! :-(
>
>ISTR Tony posting that there was a mini meet at The Station Inn, Oxenholme on
>Saturday night ...
But ... but ... we didn't know you was gonna be there too!?
Have a good time!
La puce
Donald R. Oddy
ma...@horsmanm.freeserve.co.uk "Mark Horsman" writes:
>In article <993852...@grove.demon.co.uk>, don...@grove.demon.co.uk
>says...
>>
>> What I can't understand is why no one seems to have heard of lockable
>> toolboxes.
>>
>You wouldn't want to stop the 'little woman' doing useful work like
>changing tap washers, would you?
Who said you kept all the tools in the locked toolbox?
In any case when the washer needs replacing they've stopped making
that variety so you have to fit a new tap.
--
Donald
http://www.grove.demon.co.uk/
Mark Horsman
says...
> In article <9hllt8$3ac$1...@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk>
> ma...@horsmanm.freeserve.co.uk "Mark Horsman" writes:
> >>
> >You wouldn't want to stop the 'little woman' doing useful work like
> >changing tap washers, would you?
>
> Who said you kept all the tools in the locked toolbox?
>
> In any case when the washer needs replacing they've stopped making
> that variety so you have to fit a new tap.
>
Little shop in the village sells every tap washer known to both man and
beast.