We've all heard stories of Hercules, Zeus, Hera, Ares, and the
rest. They were all the God or Goddess of one thing or another, be it
lightning, thunder war, masturbation, whatever. But one Goddess that
the mythology books have forgotten is Dovery, the Goddess of
mouthsoaping. And while Zues and the others have been keeping a low
profile for the last few centuries, Dovery enjoys what she does far too
much to not still do it on at least a daily basis.
I first discovered Dovery when a friend of mine one day told me a
fantastic story. He was alone in his apartment playing "Perfect Dark"
on his Nintendo and had just finished cursing at the screen when
Jennifer Lopez appeared before him holding a bar of Dove soap. She
then grabbed him by the ear, led him to the bathroom and washed his
mouth out.
What can I say? I'm down with Jennifer Lopez, so I went home,
hopped on my Nintendo, lost on purpose so I'd have a reason to swear,
and then waited for her to show up. I figure, it can't hurt to try,
right? After half-an-hour I was getting bored and said, "Aw, fuck it,
this ain't working..." when Faith Hill appeared in my living room
holding a Softsoap dispenser. I was shocked at first and said "Hey,
where the fuck is Jennifer Lopez?!" Her eyes widened and she started
to grab me by ear when I said "Whoa! Wait a minute, what's going on?
Who are you?" She explained to me that she was Dovery, the Goddess of
mouthsoaping and that once or twice or more a day she listened around
for people swearing and then cleaned out the dirty mouths she found.
She appearently always assumes the guise of some attractive celebrity
because it made the soapee more cooperative. I said that's fine and
good but before she proceeded could she please turn into Britney
Spears. (Hey, I'm a dirty bastard, what can I say?) She did. So I had
my mouth washed out by Britney Spears. It ruled. I then asked her if
she did sex, but she said she wasn't "equipped" for it. Damn it.
Since then Dovery has visited me pretty regularly and has sometimes
let me travel with her on an "observational basis" she calls it. In
that time I've seen some wacky stuff. Like the time she got an 8-year-
old kid disguised as Gwyneth Paltrow with a bar of Ivory. But that's
story for another time.
--Jolly42
"A sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know, 'cause I
wouldn't eat the filty motherfucker." --Jules "Pulp Fiction"
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
A mouthsoaping goddess! Great concept! And having her assume
celebrity form to do the deed - brilliant. Reminds me of some of the
threads we had here about who would you have wash your mouth out. If
she's got a Catwoman outfit like Michelle Pfeiffer, send her over. you
can watch.
z