First self defense issue: Children's Self-Defense

[vitalsel...@mac.com]

Ok guys, let's get the discussions started with this topic! Oh, by
the way, anybody can feel free to start a new discussion thread
anytime they want.

What are the top 3 most important things to teach your children so
they might help in their own protection?

What are the common things to teach kids, yet is actually bad or
ineffective?

[cpf.gr...@gmail.com]

To answer 1:
Don't tell means tell.
If you're lost, look for a mommy.
THIS IS NOT MY DAD!!!!!!!!!

For 2:
strangers are scary
look for a police officer

...OK, can you tell I've read DeBecker? :)

[VITAL Self-Defense]

Yep... I can tell. These are all good point you raise.

Anyone out there care to explain why the Stranger Danger and look for
a police officer policies are faulty?

p.s. Thanks for contributing GreenLED. I was beginning to think this
whole group thing was broken because nobody posted yet.

-Charles

[Wombat]

"Strangers are scary" is probably not effective because children
encounter strangers every day of their life and get used to them being
normal people.
The bad guys will blend into the crowd and use this to their
advantage.

"Look for a police officer". Is great if there is one around but more
than likely there isn't going to be one near enough.

[Charles]

Plus, regarding finding a police officer, kids are in a sea of legs...
that's what they see, and often times why they got lost to begin
with. Most badges and name plates are above the waist. In addition,
do kids know how to articulate their predicament? Can they provide
the police with valuable information such as a parent's cell phone
number? Can the parents identify a legitimate police officer, much
less the kids.

[greenLED@CPF]

A little OT, but when we go out, we make sure to have a "meeting
point". The drill is, if you lose contact with the family group, you
go to the meeting point and wait there. If the others don't come, go
to a customer service desk and ask for the family to be paged. We also
have "code names" for when we do this. Of course it doesn't really
work with little kids, but I thought I'd share anyway.

[Christie Hepburn]

I would recommend telling kids to look for a mommy or grandmommy.....as sexist as it sounds, women are far less likely to be sexual predators than men. Plus a woman being approached by a lost child is going to take ownership of the situation and make sure that the kid is safe.

Police officers are almost never around when you need them (but I go 2 miles over the speed limit and they're on me like white on rice). You don't want your child so focused on finding a police officer that they pass by many people that could help them. That only increases the time that they are lost and increases your and their anxiety level.

[greenLED@CPF]

You know what's funny (or sad, I dunno)? Some guys may recognize a
lost kid (especially if you're a parent, you can tell by the look in
their faces), and choose not to help them because they might be afraid
they'd label them as trying to prey on the lost kid. I know the
thought crossed my mind at least once. I found a lost girl at JCPenney
once (she must've been 4-5), so I asked her to hold my hand and walked
her to a CS counter. At one point it kinda creeped me out that
somebody would start screaming "HE'S TAKING MY LITTLE GIRL!!!!
PERVERT!!! ...and all hell breaking lose. Luckily, I had my younger
kid holding my other hand at that time, but... it still made me
wonder.

So, I do 2 things when I recognize a lost kid:

1. I watch them. I just stand guard as if I were watching my own kids,
until mom shows up. If a few minutes go by and no sign of Mom, then
it's time for:

2. Walk up to the kid and ask them if they'd be OK with me helping
them find Mom. Then we start playing "find your mommy". Sort of when
you play peek-a-boo and you use that funny voice to tease people out
of hiding "Mooommmy, wheeere aaaaare youuuu?". "Here's (insert lost
kid's name), wheeeere aaaaare youuu?". Yeah, it makes people look at
me like I'm crazy, but I'm hoping to attract attention! While we do
this, I slowly walk the kid to the customer service desk, where
hopefully Mom can be paged. It's only gotten that far once, though.
Most of the time we're making so much fuzz that Mom quickly shows up.
Oh, yeah, and I don't ask the kid to hold onto my hand anymore. I
figure it'd be comforting, but I don't want people to start making
stuff up (yeah, Offficer, I saw that pervert dragging that poor kid
away - he went that way...")

or, I go to:

3. Wave a female store clerk and tell them "this kid is lost, can you
help me find her parents?".

[VITAL Self-Defense]

Very good points punk / GreenLED.

Yeah, I wouldn't do the hand holding either... I'm glad you came to
that conclusion as well. I this day and age I don't really blame
people for being a bit over-sensitive when it comes to men and kids.

I like that you said you you waved down a female store clerk.

This is actual a workshop activity in our Protecting Kids seminar.
We consider how a male would help a lost kid differently than a female.

I might even suggest going to the female store clerk even before the
finding mommy game.

Also, everyone might want to check this link out...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_Adam

[Gayle]

Greetings Charles & Group

It took a few days for me to be able to log on to teh group.

I am an instructor in training with Kidpower and and an associate
instructor for ACI. I would recommend that one check out the Kidpower
website. The most useful day-to-day skills children (and people who
used to be children) can learn is from the below list of workshop
skills

- Be and act aware & Set appropriate boundaries with people
they know -

. I would recommend one read Irene's note and story about sending
her son off to New York from the introduction to the resources
section. Parents and educators may find publications listed on the
website useful for instructing children in the basics of boundary
sitting and other safety skills. I feel the worst thing that one can
teach a child is to be ever-fearful of a dangerous world out there or
that someone's embarrassment, inconvenience or offense might be more
important than the child's safety or self-esteem.

An article related to the above on the site is "Tips to help children
learn skills for safety with strangers and with people they know"

-Workshop skills -
Be and act aware
Project an attitude of confidence
Recognize and take the power out of emotional triggers
Set appropriate boundaries with people they know
Stay out of reach of people who might cause problems for them.
Use their voice, stance, and body language to escape threatening
situations
Protect themselves from name-calling and verbal attacks.
Use conflict resolution skills to de-escalate a confrontation
Deal effectively with bullying and harassment
Say “No” (effectively) to their friends and peers
Persist until you their help
Use physical resistance when all else fails by practicing simple,
effective self defense skills
Defend against threats, emotional pressure, and bribes
Make safe choices
Act responsibly while respecting others

Best Wishes

Gayle