Decompiling Oppression #128
Sam McVeety
As another year approaches its end, I find myself in a familiar dance, cautiously regarding spaciousness in the midst of a conditioned urgency. There is, delightfully, a paradox here: urgency often erases spaciousness, and yet, it is only with spaciousness that we can recognize urgency as constructed, rather than inevitable. (Even as I write this: what else might I be doing with this time; should it really be taking this long?)
What's beautiful about this time of year is that spaciousness gets a little help: the temporal spaciousness of cascading vacation plans, the virtual screens winking off one by one; the physical spaciousness of being surrounded by miles of snow and trees, in the stillness of an approaching winter.
Reflecting on the past year, I see where spaciousness has allowed me to deepen my appreciation and practice of joy. Like all practices, it is forever a work in progress. There are (and always will be) times when joy escapes my longing. Yet, in the midst of that practice, more often than not, the well I can draw upon feels just a little bit deeper, its contents a little bit more enlivening.
There is also the matter of finding joy by opening ourselves to the extraordinary. Consider the natural world: we might react with awe to the beauty of a breaching whale, but what does it mean to train ourselves to respond with wonder to the spectacular improbability of anything living (say, the simple serviceberry) in this world? When we give ourselves the space to respond, rather than only react, we create so much more space for joy.
Many works related to mindfulness and presence emphasize the difference between reaction vs. response. In this framing, to react is to surrender agency, to make the consequences of a stimulus seem inevitable. This relationship is reflected in the language we use: "he made me angry." Conversely, responsiveness emphasizes presence and choice in our actions.
I bring this up because I see the practice of joy as a practice of responsiveness. This is not to say that reactive joy cannot be beautiful and vital, only that it can be elusive. When I think about building joy through a practice of responsiveness, I think about the ways in which we can choose to imbue the ordinary with joy. We choose to be excited, until it becomes a habit, until we forget how we started, and excitement chooses us.
With gratitude for all the friends and community who remind me what it is to find joy in the ordinary, let me offer an example. To the friend who texts me a picture of my office with the caption "HI SAM" whenever she happens to be near the building, thank you. Without fail, it brings a smile to my face, and reminds me never to take myself too seriously. It started with a choice: to say yes to this ritual, to answer another's bid for connection.
A colleague posed a question to me recently, of how I think about finding joy in my work (what timing!). I relayed a few examples, with the common thread of being on the lookout for opportunities, whether simple or grand. Some days, it's picking music for a presentation that I know will make me smile. Other days, it's reflecting on the desire to talk about good old-fashioned books more at work, and deciding to manifest a book club into being. Once, it was trying to break a chatbot with audience suggestions to moderate the tension as we waited for a tardy executive to join a review.
No discussion of joy would be whole without mentioning my husband, Jordan. He reminds me daily of what it is to feel seen and safe, to make the joyful choice without fear of ridicule. He shows me what it is to practice joy, not by ignoring hardship, but by embracing the complexity of holding both at once.
Here are this week's invitations:
Personal: Where are there opportunities for you to practice joy in your life?
Communal: How can we recognize when others are asking us to practice joy with them, and honor those requests?
Solidarity: Support Creative Justice (celebrating 10 years!) and their work to explore the root causes of incarceration, weaving together art, creativity, and restorative justice to foster personal growth and societal change.
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