PATERNO BUSY ANSWERING GIANTS FANS' PRAYERS

[Intrepid]

<
INDIANAPOLIS (Rueters) -- The
New England Patriots, who apparently
are scared shitless, may not show up
for their Super Bowl date with the New
York Giants.
<
A confidential source in the Pats'
front office has revealed that the team
is seriously contemplating letting the
Giants win by forfeit.
<
"Too much scary shit has been
happening to us," he told ESPN.
"We don't want to have an earthquake
on our side of the ball and see the
Pats' section of the grandstand
come tumbling down."
<
Over the past few days, lots of
spooky stuff has been happening --
beginning with star QB Tom Brady
slipping on a banana peeling, hitting
his head and suffering amnesia . . .
to the revelation that at least four
Pats' starters will miss the game
because of measles.
<
Other unexplained incidents have
taken place such as Bill Belechick's
car having four flat tires two days in
a row; Justin Pierre-Paul, Chris Cantry
and Osi Umenyioera finding huge holes
in the toes area of ALL their socks;
and footballs that stubbornly refuse
to hold their air.
<
When asked if there is any chance
that perhaps the late Joe Paterno may
have put the whammy on the Patriots,
the reliable source replied with a very
strange answer: "Is the Pope Catholic?"

If the forfeit happens, the Giants would
win, 2-0, and NBC's vast TV audience
would instead be treated to the 918th
rerun of "The Godfather" (with Super
Bowl commercials thrown in).
<
Ed Conrad, a real asshole who seems
to know everything, said "two-zip would
be the official final score -- a two-point
safety -- because it's the only way points
can be scored in an NFL game without
any particular player getting credit for
scoring them.".
<
Ed explained that this is so because.
otherwise, it would royally screw up the
statistics kept by the Ellis Sports Bureau
and make it remove its sign as "The
World's Foremost Sports Statisticians
and Historians."

There has only been one forfeit in the
history of the NFL or its predecessor,
the American Professional Football
Association (AFPA).

On Dec. 5, 1921,. the Washington
Senators (also known as the Pros or
the Presidents) were awarded a 1-0
-- NOT 2-0 -- forfeit victory over the
Rochester Jeffersons (This is TRUE
and you bastards can look it up.)
<
There was a snowstorm and it was
first reported that the Jeffersons lost
by forfeit because they refused to play
in it.
<
However, it was later revealed that
the Senators had promised to pay
Rochester $800 for traveling to D.C.
for the game but then, when there
were only about 400 paid admissions
before kickoff due to the weather,
the Senators tried to yank the other
team's cord.
<
The Senators reneged and told
Leo Lyons, Rochester's manager,
that they could only fork over $200.
So Leo refused to let his team take
the field.
<
Later, the league ruled in favor of
Rochester, removed the forfeit and
required Washington to pay $800.
<
However, the franchise folded and
the Jeffersons never got the other $600.
<
Incidentally, that 1-0 Washington
victory -- later annulled -- wasn't the
lowest score in an NFL (or APFA)
game.
<
That honor belongs to the New York
Giants and Detroit Lions who played
a scoreless tie on Nov. 7, 1943.
<
In contrast, the most points scored
by any NFL team was the 73-0 victory
by the Chicago Bears over the Wash-
ington Redskins on Dec. 8, 1940.
<
The highest-scoring NFL game was
the Redskins 72-41 victory over the
Giants -- a total of 113 points -- on
Nov. 27, 1966.
<
< EARLIER STORIES
< We hope to God you're NOT a Patriots' fan.)
<
http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http://groups.google.com/group/sci.astro/browse_thread/thread/6cdc2b6de5d422ff%23&usg=AFQjCNHGyA5CW85XEUv9kwKtBbwwlpvpsw
<
============================
<
Don't even bother reading what's below.
It's only more of Ed Conrad's crap.
<
http://www.edconrad.org
<
==============
<