My Follow-Up
Rich
here goes:
I was implanted on June 12th, 2008. I awoke from the surgery
depression free (or emotion free, couldn't tell the difference). This
lasted the first 6 months more or less and I was pretty convinced I
was turned on.
At the 6 month mark I was definitely turned on and that's when the
problems began. After each monthly programming I would have a
different severe emotional experience. One month it was rage, another
month it was mania and one month I felt the need to cut on myself for
the first time in 43 years. I would always get different meds for each
"event", but in the end I wound up turning the device off.
For months 11 through 13 I had settled down to just your basic
severely depressed person (I never would have thought that being that
would be considered an improvement, but there I was...). Starting in
July, 2009, I began to experience emotional cycles where I would have
like 3 good days (taking care of myself, going outside without much
internal hassle) followed by 6 or 7 very bad days like before. On the
last day, I was like some insane person. I still can't explain what
those single days were like, but on August 4th I was in bed trying to
sleep and suddenly decided to kill myself.
This Cycling went on (actually, I allowed it to go on) until October
12th when I had my last "insane" day. That night I turned the thing
off and left it off for 1 month. I was still severely depressed, but
the suicidal thoughts stopped and never returned. Over the course of
the month things got better and I actually had 3 great days before
returning to what I've called my "normal" depression.
Between November 13th and December 4th I had the device on except for
1 weekend where it felt like the rage was coming back. On the 4th I
had my 18 month visit and the device was turned down to it's lowest
setting of 4. I was also told (via the wink and a nod) that I could
cycle it on and off whenever I wanted for as long as I wanted.
I am at the point where I can just leave the thing off or try and
experiment with it by turning it on for a period of time each day to
see what happens. I've been told that I am exceptionally sensitive to
the device (thank you Dr. Insight, I could have never guessed that on
my own).
My personal opinion is that the device does work, but not always like
we or the doctors would like. I am no longer working or living on my
own and I apparently have the ability to put what looks like a garage
door opener to my chest, push a button and become a totally different
person. I think that the emotional centers of our brains are extremely
delicate and require more than 2 wires each with 4 leads and a
particular amount of electrical stimulation to realize a consistently
positive result for any emotional disorder.
I am certain that this place here is important. There are not many of
us out there, and I myself have not come across anyone who has had a
positive result. Answers from "The Study" are hard or impossible to
come by, so when the experimental treatment whose primary symptom is
hopelessness does not work, it's nice to know there are a few
sympathetic ears out there.
Take care