Jawid Mujaddedi translation

[uzma mazhar]

Hi, I would like your opinion about the translation by Javid
Mujaddedi... how close to the original is it? Would you call it a
'version' or a 'translation'?
Thanks

[Ibrahim]

Dear Uzma,
Salaam,

Prof. Mojaddedi’s renderings are definitely translations, not
versions; more specifically, they are rhymed translations. However,
the need to rhyme does result in some loss of meaning and departure
from the literal meanings of the text, compromises that may seem, at
times, to resemble the creations of versioners.

My definition of Rumi versioners, or version-makers, includes
primarily two kinds: (1) those who do not read Persian, but call their
work “translations” when what they have done is to re-English the
accurate translations made by others and who tend to alter/distort the
meaning of the original, skip lines, de-Islamicize the verses, and
sometimes create their own “Rumi verses”; (2) those whose native
language is Persian who also tend to alter/distort the meaning of the
original, skip lines, de-Islamicize the verses, and sometimes create
their own “Rumi verses” (especially to make “zinger” endings to their
versions). Generally, the intent of versioners is to popularize
Rumi’s poetry. In this regard, they do not think like, or follow the
standards of, authentic translators.

Prof. Mojadeddi has approached the Masnavi in the manner of an
authentic translator. Not only is (Afghani) Persian his native
language, but he is a professor in an American University, so he is
proficient in American English. His translation is fresh, and not
dependent on Nicholson’s translation. However, he has not been content
just to make a fresh translation, but has had a passion for rhyming
every couplet that he translates from the Masnavi, out of a desire to
re-create, for the English reader, something of the flavor of the
rhymed Persian couplets of the original. He has not omitted any
verses, he translates from the oldest manuscript of Masnavi, and he is
fervently faithful to translating the primary meanings of each couplet
(while being willing to sacrifice some secondary meanings in order to
produce rhyme).

I find his translations to be a refreshing alternative to Nicholson's
Victorian-sounding academic prose.

What follows is a sample of Mojadeddi’s work selected from randomly
chosen page (p. 143) from his translation of Book I, from the story of
the bedouin and his wife:

The night has passed and dawn has come, dear wife,
Will you just talk of gold for all your life?

When you were young you were more satisfied,
Now you seek gold, then you were gold inside.

A fruitful vine once, now you can’t be sold,
Your fruit should ripen, but you’re dry and old,

Your fruit ought to be sweeter now than that,
But you’ve reversed the way rope-makers plait.*

[“plait” is read as “plat” here. Mojadeddi’s footnote: “a reference to
the way rope is traditionally made, with one sequence of plaiting
being followed by another in the reverse direction. The bedouin in
this way describes his wife as having become worse over the years
rather than improving.” (p. 256)]

Now for comparison to Nicholson’s British translation of 1926:

The night is past and dawn is come. O my soul, how long wilt thou take
up (again) the tale of gold from the beginning?*
[*Nicholson’s footnote: “I.e. ‘how long will you begin again and again
to talk about money?’”]
Thou wert young (once), and (then) thou wert more contented: (now)
thou hast become a seeker of gold, (but) at first thou wert gold
indeed (precious and perfect).
Thou wert a fruitful vine: how hast thou become unsaleable
(worthless)? How hast that thou become rotten when thy fruit is
ripening?
Thy fruit ought to become sweeter and not move farther backwards like
rope-makers.*
[*Nicholson’s footnote: “I.e. retrogress and deteriorate.”]
--Masnavi Book 1: 2304-07

shab goZasht-o SubH aamad, ay tamar
chand giir-ii iin fasaana-ye zar ze-sar?

too jowaan buud-ii-wo qaani`-tar bod-ii
zar-Talab gasht-ii, khwod awwal zar bod-ii?

raz bod-ii por miiwa chuun kaasid shod-ii?
waqt-e miiwa pokhtan-at faasid shod-ii?

miiwa’at baay-ad ke shiiriin-tar shaw-ad
chuun rasan-taab-aan na waa-pas-tar raw-ad

شب گذشت و صبح آمد ای تَمَر
چند گیری این فسانهٔ زر زِ سَر؟

تو جُوان بودی و قانع تر بُدی
زر طلب گشتی خود اوّل زر بدی

رَز بدی پر میوه چون کاسد شدی
وقت میوه پختنت فاسد شدی

میوه ات باید که شیرین تر شود
چون رسنْ تابان نه وا پس تر رود