Mar 26, 2009, 9:42:57 PM3/26/09
You said, "I do" to him. Now what do you do if he says, "I won't" to
You're probably planning to have a traditional first dance at your
wedding reception. But it you're like most couples today, it's also
likely that you have little or no partner dancing experience. If you
don't want to look like a couple of dorks on the dance floor, in front
of all your friends and family, you need dance lessons. That's
The thing is, a lot of guys loathe the idea of going to a dance
studio. Put yourself in his shoes; how would you feel if you were
going on a car trip for your honeymoon and your fianc' insisted that
you go to mechanic's school? Think you could come up with plenty of
good excuses why you couldn't find the time?
One thing's for sure, no one likes to be embarrassed. That's why you
need dance lessons in the first place. But one reason a lot of guys
avoid situations like studio dance lessons is that they fear being
embarrassed there. After a lifetime of getting teased by their
friends, most guys hate appearing to be beginners at anything, even
when that's exactly what they are. Frankly, it doesn't matter that
you'll be supportive; it's not you he's worried about, it's the other
people who'll be there. (And even if you take private lessons, there's
the teacher to worry about.)
Of course, one reason he may argue that he has no time for dance
lessons is... he may really not have any time. Arranging for both of
you to have free time at the same time, for the lessons and the
commute to the dance studio, can be a real challenge.
Learning at home addresses both these issues. Your fianc' won't be
embarrassed in front of strangers, and you can schedule your sessions
any time you happen to be together.
Is it really possible to learn to dance at home, in private?
Sure! There are loads of websites, books, and DVDs that all claim they
can teach you to dance. The question is, how can you choose between
Start by looking for an at-home program that begins the way expert
coaches train champion dancers. Before you take the first step, you
need to learn how to stand and how to breathe. Poise and posture
create an impression of grace before you even move; more important,
they will carry you through any little mis-steps.
Forget about learning complex choreography at home. To develop an
elaborate routine, even expert dancers need to spend many hours with
choreographers. Luckily for you, you don't need an elaborate routine
to move gracefully as a couple. So when you're choosing an at-home
learning system, look for one that teaches a simple step pattern, like
the box step, that's easy to remember.
The box step is the foundation of most partner dances and can
literally be learned in minutes. Add in a few turns and a final dip,
and you and your fianc' will look as though you've been dancing all
So, once you've chosen a good at-home dance lesson package, and you
know that you and your fianc' can learn in your own time, with no risk
of embarrassment, you should be almost home free.
When you tell your fianc' what you have planned, don't say that
couples who dance together have much better odds of long, happy
marriages. And don't tell him that by dancing together you'll be
developing valuable non-verbal communication skills that will benefit
every aspect of your relationship. Guys hate that touchy-feely stuff!
Instead, tell him that you have your heart set on a traditional first
dance, and you don't want him to risk embarrassment in front of all
his friends. Tell him you can learn together, at home, and that it
will only take a few hours. Then tell him the truth: dancing is hot!
Once he realizes that you weren't kidding, that dancing is hot; once
his friends ask him, "Hey, where did you learn to dance?" I'm betting
that he won't want to stop. And that bodes well for you as a married