Closet Buddhism

[Brian]

Question:

I am very new to the podcast and am currently downloading as many past
shows as my computer will allow! I am also a new Zen Buddhist after
researching the different secs. While I have yet to sit formally with
a sangha as I am not near a Zen centre. I am moving to Calgary,
Alberta for college this fall and have found Zen(!) there and plan to
make myself known to the sangha there and absorb as much information
and gain much experience to continue and further my training.

My situation is very common; I'm currently living with my parents in
the lead up to starting school in a different city and have found
myself missing my privacy (though my parents are not intrusive) but I
find I practise in private and have not really 'come out' as a
Buddhist. I'm finding it hard to practise behind closed doors and hide
my alter. After watching my sister convert to Judaism from
Christianity, I do not wish to cause emotional pain or suffering to my
parents. I read the Buddha would not accept students without their
parents' permission, while I've taken a long time to ask, I'm
wondering if Zen teachers uphold this and also should I just bite the
bullet and talk to my family?

Answer:

Buddha had cultural reasons for asking for the parents' permission
(often the child was needed to support the family). You don't have
that restriction.

I can't answer your question directly, as I don't know your family.
You stated that your sister's conversion to Judaism caused some
friction within the family, so I must assume that your conversion to
Buddhism would too, and you are hoping to avoid the inevitable battle.
I also assume that your parents are reasonably devout Christians,
although it's not really a requirement for them to be super-religious
to have this argument.

Unlike god-based religions, there's no judgmental God to strike you
down if you deny him, so there is no mortal "danger" in keeping it
from your parents if you choose to continue doing so. That being said,
keeping secrets could damage your karma in the long term, and hiding
the truth is going to cause you a certain amount of guilt and mental
suffering. It's almost certainly better to just be open with it, but
the trick is in minimizing the impact the revelation will have.

If you simply walk in the front door and announce "Guess what? I'm
converting to Buddhism!" they're going to freak out. If it were me,
I'd ease them into the idea slowly. Let them see you reading a book on
Buddhism; maybe use it as an excuse to explain some things to them
about what Buddhism is all about: "Hey, did you know that Buddhists
believe ______?" Get them to the point where they are comfortable
talking about the subject and subtly teach them a few of the basics.
Lay the groundwork. Eventually, when the time is right, tell them you
consider yourself a Buddhist.


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