FW: Beautiful
Peter Calderwood
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not
been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but
ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a
"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300
years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the
French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert
level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations"
and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and
"Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their
allies, just in case.
And at a local level...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy
boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue
us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked together
together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation
levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie
this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation
has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
__
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Sean Pollock
Subject: [cypvet] FW: Beautiful
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Sean Pollock
edward andlaw
Subject: Re: [cypvet] FW: Beautiful
Denys Fail
Denys Fail
Denys Fail
----- Original Message -----From: Sean PollockSent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 6:09 PMSubject: Re: [cypvet] FW: Beautiful