Custody and Divorce - The Difference Between How Mothers and Fathers Prepare F

[Theresa Chenoweth]

During my 30 plus years of Family Law Litigation Practice, I have seen
many changes and trends within the custodial arena.
Early in my career, everyone just assumed that Mom would have custody
of the children and Dad would have visitation. Those were the days of
the "Stay at Home" Mother.
As years passed and more and more Mothers entered the work force, the
prejudice against Fathers having custody slowly began to deteriorate,
until today, at least in many States, Fathers have an equal chance at
custody, or at least joint custody.
Sadly, however, Fathers tend to approach custody actions like they
approach sports, full speed ahead, full of competitive fever and full
of the wrong advice.
A few of the Advantages of Mom's are as follows:
1. We all know that women are considered better communicators. Custody
can be won or lost just by how well one communicates. This is the
first major disadvantage of most Fathers.
2. Next, Fathers tend not to "nurture" relationships with "witnesses."
Mom's tend to talk to teachers, child care providers, tutors, coaches,
and other important adults in a child's life. When it comes to
witnesses in a custody action, whether they are just giving input to a
custody evaluator or testifying in court, they too can win or lose a
close case for you.
3. Another major impact upon success in custody is appearance. Fathers
tend to think appearance is much less important than Mothers. It is
that First Impression," whether it be in front of an Evaluator or
Judge, that can make all the difference.
4. Parents often don't think of their children as "witnesses." They
are your most important witness because most likely they will be
talking to a Mediator, Evaluator, Child Psychologist or someone who
will give input to the Judge.
5. Dad's have to learn to communicate more with their children to
allay any of their fears. Dad's need to let children know that they
will always be there for them. That Dad can take care of all
emergencies, both medical and emotional. That Dad will cook for them,
pick them up from activities on time etc.
I am not advocating manipulation of the children in any way to win a
custody case. That is the worst thing a parent can do and will result
in serious and permanent emotional damage to a child. Stay away from
anything to do with court, custody talk etc.
What I am speaking of is making certain that your Children feel
totally secure with you. They need to know that all of their needs
will be met and you will be there for them, regardless of how large or
small their issue may be. Often Children assign these attributes to
Mom, but not to Dad.
Children need both parents. Fathers shouldn't bow out and accept
alternate weekends only.
However, don't go into a custody action without 100% preparation. Read
everything you can get your hands on. Talk to child psychologists,
attorneys, and custody evaluators to obtain several opinions about how
to succeed. Many great ebooks, including those detailed below, are
also available giving detailed strategies and tactics to assist anyone
facing a divorce or custody action.