The Influence of the Step - Parent

[Willard Gerard]

Whether you are a stepmother, stepfather or a married to one you will
be aware to some extent the power these individuals can wield.
The parent who re-partners should be made aware of the influence the
step-parent can have over the lives of their children.
Most of the time, the step-parent has a positive role.
They do not attempt to become the step child's parent.
They do not encourage the stepchild/ren to call them mum or dad..
They do not belittle or abuse the same sex bio parent.
Nor do they try to communicate inappropriately with the same sex bio
parent..
However there are too many cases where the step-parent will do all of
these provocative things and many more.
Including encouraging their partner to fight with their ex. Even as
far as encouraging their partner to take their ex to court for
custody.
All this is terrible for the children.
When a step-parent goes out of their way to denigrate, abuse and 'get
rid of' the same sex bio parent it is not done for the sake of the
children. It is destructive, selfish and abusive behaviour which
ultimately hurts the children terribly.
On the other hand there are step-parents who are on a whole other
wavelength. Step-parents who attempt to remove the children from their
own partners lives.
Step-parents who criticise, abuse and reject their stepchildren. Step-
parents who encourage their partners to reject their own children
outright as well.
Again, this situation is a tragedy. In extreme cases it is in families
with step-parents like these that the murder of stepchildren can
occur.
A good step-parent understands their role in the lives of their new
family members.
A step-parent automatically gains into their family the ex-partner as
well as the child/ren of that previous relationship.
It is important that the step-parent be emotionally balanced enough to
cope with the unusual situation.
A good step-parent, in my opinion, does their best for the
stepchildren, providing care, support and nurturance.
A good step-parent understands that no matter what or how much they
contribute they will never replace the bio parent in the children's
minds and hearts. A good step-parent is ok with that.
A good step-parent bears no ill-will or jealousy towards the ex spouse
and does not attempt to find fault or to abuse that person to anyone.
It is primarily the responsibility of the bio parent to ensure that
their new partner is equipped to handle the job of step-parent. For a
bio parent to re-partner with an abusive, rejecting or controlling
person is themselves committing child abuse towards their own
children.
If they allow, condone or ignore abuse toward their former spouse by
the step-parent they are actually condoning, ignoring or allowing the
abuse by proxy of their own children.
It is unacceptable.
It is important for parents hoping to re-partner to be aware of the
sometimes harsh realities of stepfamily life.