Nine Issues Regarding Domestic Violence In 2009

[Ellen James]

Domestic violence is on the rise, especially with people losing their
jobs, losing their incomes, and facing a drastic reduction in
lifestyle as is happening too frequently in '09. The following are
nine issues to consider with regard to domestic violence:
9. Domestic violence consists of physical abuse, and if there is
physical abuse, call the police at once.
8. Domestic violence includes using economic abuse. This can include
preventing someone from getting, keeping, or leaving a job, damaging
someone's credit rating, making a spouse ask for money, destroying
checkbooks, credit cards, money or property, giving a spouse an
allowance. Domestic violence can include using coercion or threats.
Threats are statements which promise negative consequences for certain
behaviors or actions; for example, I'll kill you if you ever leave
me."
7. Using intimidation. Making a spouse or significant other afraid by
using looks, actions, gestures, intoxication, silent treatment,
smashing things, destroying property, harming pets, displaying
weapons, yelling, stalking, slamming doors, driving recklessly, acting
crazy, invincible, or like I have nothing to lose.
6. Using emotional abuse. Putting someone down, making someone feel
bad about themself, calling someone names, making someone think she's
crazy, playing mind games, humiliating someone, making her feel
guilty, using things that matter to her against her, negatively
comparing her to others, expecting perfection, unreasonable demands or
expectations.
5. Using others. Using the children to relay messages. Using
visitation to harass someone. Threatening to take the children away.
Using custody of the children as leverage. Abusing the children.
Sexual abuse of the children. Kidnapping the children. Degrading the
spouse or significant other about her relationships. Using your job,
friends, family, religion as leverage.
4. Using isolation. Controlling someone's access to resources such as
birth control, reproductive choice, medical attention, money,
education, employment opportunities, family, friends, transportation,
phone use. Using jealousy to justify actions. Embarrassing her in
front of others. Kidnapping her. Convincing her that seeing her family
or friends is harmful to the relationship.
3. If any of these occur, even when there is no police involvement,
seek domestic violence counseling. There are domestic violence
counselors and counseling agencies throughout the United States. There
are hotlines to handle crisis calls.
2. Obtain a personal protection order. Laws in Michigan and many other
states include personal protection orders that can be obtained if you
are fearful of physical violence from someone and have a factual basis
with previous incidents for your concerns. A personal protection order
is a court order prohibiting a person from any, some, or all of the
following, including: assaulting, stalking, following, entering the
property, removing minor children, threatening to kill or physically
injure someone, interfering with someone at his or her place of
employment, purchasing or owning a fire arm.
1. Talk to an attorney at once. Find out what your legal rights are,
and find out what you can do to protect yourself. If there is a need
for a divorce, make sure that you are fully protected because a
divorce where there is domestic violence is handled in a much more
discreet and careful manner than a normal divorce where everyone is on
the same page. Over the years in my career, I have had people murdered
and horribly, physically and emotionally abused, based upon domestic
violence. I take it very seriously. Make sure that your attorney not
only has a background in family law, but is also familiar with issues
in domestic violence.