Nine Key Parenting-Time Visitation Issues For 2009

[Ellen James]

9. How specific a schedule do you need for parenting time/visitation?
The better your communication and the older your children, the less
specificity that you need.
8. The typical, traditional schedule has been alternate weekends from
Friday until Sunday, along with alternate holidays consisting of
Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve,
Christmas Day, Easter, sometimes New Years, Mother's Day with mom and
Father's Day with dad, sometimes alternating or sharing the children's
birthdays and the children having the parent's birthday with each
parent, along with any other visitation/parenting time that is agreed
to between the parties.
7. How do you deal with vacations and school breaks? A typical
schedule can be alternating or sharing the Christmas vacation. One
example would be from the day after school lets out until noon on
Christmas Day one year, for example, with mom, and dad having from
noon on Christmas Day until the day before school begins in January
that year, and then rotating it, along with alternating the Winter/
February break if there is one, and the Easter/Spring break.
6. How do you handle Summer vacations? This can be arranged from the
same schedule used during the school year to the non-custodial parent
having one or two weeks during the Summer. In other cases, people will
divide the Summer in half, or one parent will have the majority of the
Summer, with the other having the majority of the school year. There
are many possibilities.
5. What is "Right of First Refusal"? This is where the other parent
has the right of first refusal if the first parent has a conflict or
is going out of town. It is an area that often creates more problems
than it resolves. Unless the parties communicate and it is spelled
out, it can be a breeding ground for future litigation. Does Right of
First Refusal mean that there should be a Right of First Refusal over
day care? Does this mean grandparents cannot visit or pick up the
children? Should it be limited to someone going out of town on
vacation or for business purposes? The grounds must be specifically
spelled out. Communication between the parties is critical.
4. What types of parenting time are utilized in a shared custodial
arrangement? Examples are the 50/50 schedule, which includes one week
on and one week off, with the other parent perhaps having dinner on
one of the weekdays. Another schedule is called a 2/2/5. This means,
for example, that mom has the children every Monday and Tuesday, dad
every Wednesday and Thursday, and then the parties alternate Friday,
Saturday and Sunday, so that the children spend no more than five days
maximum away from either parent. This is a good schedule, especially
with younger children.
3. Should there be different schedules for different aged children?
Absolutely. What makes sense for an infant to two year old, is
different than what makes sense for a four or five year old. What
makes sense for a child in elementary school is different than a
schedule that makes sense for someone who is eleven or twelve. Teenage
schedules are very different, and quite frankly, with teenagers, often
the schedule is not how much time the teenagers are spending with
either parent, but how little time, and the fact that friends and
school activities take priority over parenting time.
2. Communication regarding parenting time. It is important to
communicate. You can communicate by phone, by e-mail, especially if
you need to have a record of communication where communication is
poor.
1. A good clause to put in your divorce judgment is one that says that
parenting time/visitation can be modified as the children age, so that
schedules that make sense for a young child, can be changed to one
that makes sense for a child as he or she gets older. Again, the key
is what is in the best interests of your children.