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Boomstick: Prepare yourselves: it's time we tell the tale of Crystal Lake's masked murderer, Jason Voorhees...
Wiz: ...and the horrifying boogeyman of Haddonfield, Michael Myers.
On a cursed Halloween night in the year 2022, Wiz and Boomstick begin to weave a scary campfire tale for their friends DUMMI, Ringmaster and Jocelyn: what would happen to a group of unfortunate souls who happen to chance upon two of the most prolific masked mass murderers in cinema history, and more importantly, what would happen if said crazed killers crossed paths in the middle of their latest sprees? For years, the Crystal Lake Killer and the Shape of Haddonfield have terrorized helpless victim after helpless victim, and even when dealing with the few who could fight back, their freakish inhuman nature has given the impression that they simply cannot die. Now, with both men marked as the other's latest potential mark, whose reign of blood will end as Jason and Michael engage in a death battle?
First, the hosts tell the tale of the undead murderer that haunts Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees. As the story goes, Jason was once an ordinary yet deformed boy, bullied and harassed due to his physical appearance with only his mother Pamela to care for him. However, she was unable to save him when one day he fell into the waters of Camp Crystal Lake. With the camp counselors otherwise occupied elsewhere, Jason disappeared beneath the waves and drowned... supposedly. In the years since that fateful day, gruesome murders began to occur around Camp Crystal Lake, with the victims including the irresponsible camp counselors who could've saved the young Jason from his fate. It seemed that someone or something was seeking retribution for this tragic incident... and indeed, the perpetrator was none other than Pamela Voorhees, driven mad with grief over the loss of her only son. And though her vengeance would be cut short when she was eventually decapitated by the sole surviving counselor, the murders somehow continued, as if someone else was continuing the killing spree in Pamela's stead. And as fate would have it, that was exactly the case: Jason had somehow survived his drowning years ago and was now slaying all who set foot around Crystal Lake, all in the name of his dear departed mother.
The hockey mask-wearing murderer is terrifyingly durable; taking an axe to the head, having half his body blown off, and even being caught inside a massive explosion will do little to slow him down. Even when one Tommy Jarvis hacked him to death with a machete, Jason rose once more thanks to two well-placed bolts of lightning. Nobody knows the true source of his power, but the speculated causes include an Indigenous curse, the Necronomicon, and even a Hell worm. Whatever the case may be, one must exercise caution lest they become victim to Jason's signature machete, which he wields with enough strength to split a skull with one swing or stab through a metal wall. Though it would be folly to believe the Crystal Lake Killer powerless should he be unarmed, for he has utilized several different weapons and objects to put an end to his numerous victims with macabre creativity; such kills include repeatedly slamming a woman inside a sleeping bag against a tree, dunking someone headfirst into a water-filled garbage can, and snapping a man in half with a bedfold. And should this masked man catch sight of you, fleeing will only delay the inevitable, for Jason can move swiftly and silently enough that he seemingly teleports... which Wiz and Boomstick debate momentarily if he is actually able to, with DUMMI's video analysis supporting this and Ringmaster noting that Jason has the ability to do so in video game appearances... before DUMMI suddenly disappears.
Jason's unrelenting bloodlust and determination to find and kill his prey makes him a terrifying hunter, with not even a foot of solid steel enough to prevent him from reaching his mark. And if the masked murderer wasn't frightening enough, in the far-off future he would be further modified into Uber Jason, an even more powerful cybernetic form borne from Jason's remains through technological and mystical means. This new form would even fight his base counterpart, who managed to hold his own against his enhanced self for a time, which would only be natural for one experienced in fighting other supernatural foes such as Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, and Ash Williams. With no end to the Crystal Lake Killer's reign of terror in sight, one would do well to stay far away from the waters of Crystal Lake, lest they end up becoming the newest victim of Jason Voorhees.
Wiz: So be warned, if you ever see a shadow moving through the darkness and hear a familiar ch ch ch, ha ha ha, run; Jason is out to find you, and chances are you are not leaving alive.
From one masked murderer to another, Wiz and Boomstick now tell the story of Michael Myers, born a seemingly ordinary boy one Halloween night. Somehow surviving stillbirth, Michael's cold and stoic expression hid an evil darkness within, as another Halloween night in 1963 when he was only six years old, the boy would stab his older sister Judith to death with a knife. For this, Michael was institutionalized in Smith's Grove Sanitarium, where he would sit completely still, staring out the barred windows of his room with machine-like stoicism. The psychiatrist assigned to him, Dr. Samuel Loomis, would spend eight years trying to rehabilitate the boy, but Myers never spoke a word. Yet despite his confinement, Michael managed to commit several more murders, including Loomis's fianc; it was clear that to him, the urge to kill was irresistible. After spending fifteen years inside the insane asylum, the night before Halloween of 1978, Michael broke out, only leaving behind a single word inscribed on the door of his room: "sister". For Judith was not Michael's only sister; his younger sister Laurie lived still, and clad in a blue jumpsuit and white William Shatner mask, Michael was now ready to eliminate her, as well as anyone else who got in his way.
In the murderous hands of Michael Myers, anything and everything can be a deadly weapon, with reports of several of his grisly killings across the town of Haddonfield, from exploding heads and boiling people alive to stabbing an unfortunate victim and leaving his body pinned up on a wall with an ordinary kitchen knife. Michael is also surprisingly clever, somehow teaching himself how to drive a car despite being confined for most of his life. Evidently, this time was spent plotting, but all the death he caused was a means to an end to reach his true target, his long-lost sister Laurie. And though on the night after his escape he would find and almost succeed in killing her, his former psychiatrist Dr. Loomis managed to save her, shooting Michael several times and sending him falling from a second-story balcony. Yet despite his seemingly fatal injuries, his body vanished, and he would appear again later that night seemingly no worse for wear. Michael's title of the Boogeyman is well-earned, for even when set aflame and rendered comatose, the Shape of Haddonfield simply would not die, almost suggesting a supernatural means of strength. Jocelyn interjects that while there are many speculated causes for this, less reputable sources suggest that Michael is bound to the ancient druidic Curse of Thorn, the symbol of which supposedly being an ancient icon of Halloween but is actually just a symbol representing the Norse god Thor. Though she complains about this, and Ringmaster jokingly poses that Michael could actually be a Viking, Wiz continues that whatever the source of Myers's power may be, he is driven by an inexplicable urge for murder, and that his victims never see him coming... before he and the other two notice that, like DUMMI before him, Ringmaster has vanished as well, with only his gaming console left behind.
Regardless of any possible explanations, the truth of the matter is that none know the reason for Michael's cruelty, violence, and fortitude; the Shape of Haddonfield's evil gives no explanation for his sheer unstoppable might, and he thrives not just on the death he leaves in his wake, but the fear he causes in his victims. His kills are carried out with surgical precision, and the deaths he inflicts come as swiftly or as slowly as he pleases. And though his reign of terror was nearly brought to an end by his would-be target Laurie, his intelligence was displayed when it was revealed that he faked his death using a body double, manipulating his sister into killing for him. With either an incredible amount of stealth or the power of teleportation, Michael once somehow moved through a yard filled with motion sensors without activating a single one until he moved to strike. Being riddled with bullets and caught inside an explosion have also failed to kill him, and even when the citizens of Haddonfield banded together to kill Myers once and for all, Michael endured the mob's beating and rose back up to kill them in retribution. Most terrifyingly, he was never caught and detained, and the Shape continues to haunt the town of Haddonfield to this very day.
One foggy night near a graveyard in the forests of Crystal Lake, the voice of Pamela Voorhees alerts her son Jason to a new victim as he drags along his latest kill, wrapped inside a sleeping bag. A scream then rings out, as nearby, a bespectacled woman with bloodied clothes desperately flees to a car. Briefly collapsing onto the car's hood in her panicked haste, she slowly turns and raises her hands as her pursuer corners her, her shriek of terror cut short as she is swiftly cut down. As he comes upon the girl's corpse, the Crystal Lake Killer pulls his machete from the body of his last prey, regarding the scene before him as the masked visage of Michael Myers appears from the shadows behind him, raising his knife...
...but even as he sheaths it into Jason's back, the slasher is unaffected as he retaliates with a machete swipe. As both tyrants go at it, Michael eventually gets the upper hand by pinning Crystal Lake's terrorizer to a tree, mirroring one of his kills in his early years. As a equally terrified counselor attempts to look for his fallen friend, he accidentally stumbles across the seemingly-victorious Shape and makes a run for it, Michael taking chase and failing to notice Jason's twitching fingers. As the unfortunate bystander survives a near-axe swing from the Shape and fails to start a nearby car, he's suddenly pulled out of the driver's window; Jason's back in the game. As the hockey-mask murderer prepares to kill him, an enraged Michael once again backstabs Jason to stop him from stealing his kill, letting the counselor escape towards the graveyard. As the counselor attempts to take a breather behind a tombstone... Jason's machete stabs through the tombstone and his neck, taking the third party out of the fight. Myers appears behind him with the axe raised overhead, but the ensuing swing misses its mark and the axe is swatted away into the ground. But this doesn't deter the Shape, as he breaks a tombstone over the overzealous mama's boy. As Michael attempts to push the downed slasher's head into the rear spike of the fallen axe, Jason hears Pamela's voice once more. The sight of her tombstone fills him with motivation to end the battle in his favor and her honor, and Jason shakes off Haddonfield's stalker and plunges his machete in Michael's stomach, which the Shape feebly attempts to counter with a knife to the skull. As Michael reaches his hand out, either for mercy or to retrieve the knife, Jason slams the axe down into the Shape's head, causing blood to leak from the Devil's eyes, before Jason pulls the knife out and slices Michael's head clean off. With the dust settled, Jason proceeds to split the fallen Shape's head upon Pamela's tombstone, signifying he's made his mother proud. And as Jason walks away, crickets and whispers fill the woods, marking the threat to Haddonfield officially neutralized, and the fight having reached its conclusion.
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