The Art Of Self Spanking
Irmgard Verzi
My partner (submissive brat + impact bottom) and I are long distance right now, but want to maintain our beloved brat + Dom dynamic that usually involves her misbehaving and getting soundly spanked for it by me. I've ordered her to spank herself twice now - but she says she can't do it hard enough to deliver the impact (hehe) we both want it to have. Any ideas about implements, techniques, or great alternative solutions from you wonderful brats and tamers?
I had an interesting conversation that turned into an honest conversation with a couple of female colleagues the other day and it left me wondering, are there more women like us out there who are quietly struggling with guilt, shame and self imposing punishment?
The conversation went from interesting to honest when one of them asked me if I was taking time to look after myself. Under normal circumstances my answer would have been "absolutely, of course I am" but today I just didn't have the energy or motivation to plaster on the "everything is great" face so my response was, "when do I have time to do that?" I leave the house at 7am most mornings, I'm often not home until 6pm or later. Then there are the needs of my family that need to be met and frankly by 8.30pm most nights all I want to do is curl up in bed with a good book and close my eyes to prepare for tomorrow's 5.30am wake up call so I can get up and do it all over again.
Because of the little time that I am at home during the week I have a huge amount of guilt, and because of that guilt I realise I have completely isolated myself from my friendships and anything that might give me a greater sense of satisfaction or fulfillment in my life. Its an unconscious choice that I've made until now. I regularly decline evening events with my colleagues, and only attend functions that are an absolute must attend. What I hadn't expected, was that my colleagues would also take that moment to be vulnerable with me and share that they too have isolated themselves!
On reflection, this choice to punish and isolate myself started about four years ago when I was offered a role that would see me take a step up on the career ladder and require me to return to work on a full time basis.
No one has ever told me I can't go out in the evening after work or that I shouldn't go out and do something without my family in the weekend. I think it's a self imposed punishment designed to try and ease that feeling of guilt that is always just there waiting to remind me that I am not fitting what is still that picture of the perfect Mother, the one who is home at 3pm offering milk and cookies, doing homework with my kids and being interested in how their day was.
When the allotted time and date rolled around, my anxiety was in complete control, but unlike other times she had seen me lost to this demon she never once deviated from her course of action. I was going to spank myself that night and she was going to do whatever it took to make it happen!
During an anxious conversation I explained one of my core fears that was preventing me from spanking myself in front of her; I was terrified that her seeing me doing something so weird and bizarre would put our friendship in jeopardy because it would make her, and others, realise how pathetic I was.
In the back of my mind, I'm almost certain there are at least several individual English word that means to punish one's self. It doesn't have to be physical, necessarily, but it must be some kind of self-punishment. Are there such words? Clinical words are also accepted (i.e. psychological terminology).
Self-harm (SH), also referred to as self-injury (SI), self-inflicted violence (SIV), Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI) or self-injurious behaviour (SIB), refers to a spectrum of behaviours where demonstrable injury is self-inflicted. An example of self-harm/self-injury is cutting and is the second most common form of self-harm in the UK. The term self-mutilation is also sometimes used, although this phrase evokes connotations that some find worrisome, inaccurate, or offensive.
Most previous studies regarding self-punishment have focused on the correlation between moral emotion and self-punishment. Only a few studies have attempted to understand self-punishment from the perspective of seeking forgiveness, and no study has yet directly tested whether wrongdoers' self-punishment promotes others to forgive the wrongdoers. In three studies, the participants judged the wrongdoers' self-punishment behaviors following an unfair allocation and reported the extent to which they forgave the wrongdoers. The results demonstrated that self-punishment did promote forgiveness in both the direct (Studies 1 and 2) and indirect reciprocity (Study 3) contexts. Consistent with costly signaling theory, the costlier the self-punishment was, the stronger the effect it had on forgiveness. Moreover, communicative self-punishment had a better effect than silent self-punishment when the cost was relatively high in the direct-reciprocity studies. These findings can guide us regarding how to address a damaged relationship via self-punishment when compensation is not feasible or acceptable.
582128177f