Jing

[An Si]

Jing was a shining star who brought light everywhere she went.
Although I only knew her for one year, she quickly became one of my
favorite people and best friends. I am honored that I had the
opportunity to know her in this life.
I feel this time is truly surreal. I see her facebook filled with
"RIP" "HOPE" "一路走好". She is our friend and fellow student, a young,
beautiful girl who had such an amazing life and so much ahead of her.
I know that all of us are incapable of accepting this tremendous
tradgedy.
This is the Jing that I knew and came to love and respect over a
short period of time: Jing was the girl who I would talk to when I had
a problem and felt that nobody else would understand it. She was the
girl who would drink and party with me when I felt uncool and nobody
wanted to hang out with me. She was the girl who helped me take the
idea of Chinese-Corner and make it into something real. She was the
girl who's hand I held as she was falling down at the CU ice rink. She
was the girl who took time to spend time with me as I was leaving
Colorado pretty much forever, even-though she was certainly the
busiest of anybody. She was the girl who would make fun of me, but I
loved it because there was a big smile on her face as she did it. She
was the the girl who got up on stage in traditional Chinese clothing
to strut her stuff at the international festival. She was the girl who
stayed out way too late at the lab, yet was always where she promised
to be the next day. She was the girl who wrote long e-mails to see how
I was doing, and always wished that I would come back home. She was
the girl who gave me the present that I took with me as I embarked on
a great journey around the world- a small cloth that said "happy
everyday." Whenever I felt lonely or uncertain, I would grip that
precious cloth. Now I must grip it even more than before, save she
will fade away from my heart.
To Jing, I want to retell my most memorable story of us. So, we had
just finished Chinese Corner, and decided it was time to party. We
went over to Half Fast and proceeded to put down a few monstrous cups
of their notorious Long Islands and Margaritas. I was getting
hammered, and so were you. After that, we went down to Pearl Street.
Damn, I remember dancing like such an idiot in there with you. I was
wearing both of our backpacks because I was too scared to put them
down and let them get stolen. We were the only ones out on that shitty
little dance floor, bumping and moving like two crazy people. It was
SOOOO MUUUUCH fun. Then we got the late night hop, or skip (the
alcohol limits my memory at this point), to the corner of Broadway and
Baseline. We went over and laid on the grass of the Law School for a
good while, and it is there that you expressed to me your innner
thoughts and concerns, and I puked my guts out. After that we walked
all the way back to your place. I crashed on the couch and you took my
shoes of for me. At that very moment I felt like I had a friend who
cared about me. I accidentally peed on your couch that night, but
never told you, sorry. A bunch of crazy shit involving alcohol, a
hangover, and high speeds on the freeway occurred to me the next
morning- and I certainly should have died... But I cannot legally
disclose the details of that event in public. To those of you
listening, I will tell you in person one day if you would like to
know.
She was also the girl who courageously stood up on the news to speak
out against what she thought was unjust and untrue. She was the girl
who helped every single new Chinese person at CU, and many more people
on top of that. She was the girl who had surgery on her leg and did
not even seek the comfort of her parents, because she was too
concerned that it would worry them too much. She was the girl who
embraced and accepted every person around her as a friend, and treated
everybody with the utmost respect and compassion. Jing was the type of
person who would always stand up for what she believed to be right,
and would never let you down no matter what. She was and always will
be one of my role models- a person I look to for morality,
perserverence, rightousness, and strength.
Now that I look back on my own words, I feel that maybe I did not
even know her so well. I feel that are so many more adventures and
experiences that were to be had. I wanted to see her get her PhD, and
her to see me finally make decisions in my life and become happy and
successful. She always wanted me to be truly happy, and I wished that
I could show her that I could be. I wanted both of us to grow up and
have families of our own, and to enjoy happy times with our children.
For whatever reasons though, those things will never come to pass. I
believe it was her time, just as it is when all people must depart
this world, but it was certainly far before the time in which she
lived to her fullest extent. It is easy and tempting for us to be
angered by the passing of our friend, but we must not allow for these
ill feelings to pollute the love which each and everyone of us has
within our hearts, and that we must now give to Jing. Lord knows she
needs it so much. We can at least be happy that she made her departure
in the most beautiful of all places doing one of the activities that
she enjoyed the most, in her native land which we all know she loved
so very much. We can rest assure that her mind and her heart were at
peace, as she was finally on the vacation and adventure that I know
she so badly yearned for. I remember vividly how excited she was and
for how long she planned her long awaited return to China. You are
home now Jing, and you will never have to leave again.
She really had so many amazing things to do with her life, and anybody
who knew her must be confident that she had the will and energy to do
them all. But, those things will never be. Thus, we must carry her
with us as along as we are alive and live our lives in the most
extraordinary of all ways, so that through us she may continue to know
and embrace the beauty of this world. Of course we will all do this in
our own ways as we mourn and celebrate our departed sister, but I am
confident that in no matter how you do so she will be warmed by your
love. May God bless each and everyone of you, and your families.
Evermore so than before, I will seize life everyday with an unending
fire and strive to find the beauty in everything and every person. I
will carry Jing with me in my heart everyday, and let her shine
through my own good actions and intentions. I hope that she might live
vicariously through each and everyone of us, so that her life is as
rich, if not richer, than if she had remained with us in this world. I
MUST believe that this is possible, for if anybody deserved the breath
of life it was my friend Jing. Her soul is INDESTRUCTIBLE, so please
rest assure that she will live on forever.
Safe travels Jing, wherever you are. All of us are there by your
side, holding your hands, as you walk into the unknown. We are with
you now and forever, so you need not be scared. The sun is shining
down and you will never feel cold. There is plenty of delicious food
and treats, so you will never feel hungry. Jing, everything good that
came to you in your beautiful life now radiates within your grasp one-
thousand times stronger than it ever did before.
All of my love and protection forever and ever and ever and ever and
beyond, yours always and whenever you need me, in this world or the
next, Andrew