new spell: anvil fall

[Alice Raizel]

Anvil Fall

School transmutation, conjuration(teleport) Level bard 3, sorcerer/wizard 3 Casting Time 1 immediate action Components V Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels) Targets one target Duration 1 round/level or instantaneous Saving Throw Will negates or Reflex negates; Spell Resistance yes

Anvil fall is another contribution from Émile René to the cause of socially constructive wizardry.

Anvil fall has two uses. The first is like feather fall, except instead of slowing your fall like a feather, anvil fall makes you crash to the ground like a lead brick. Fail a will save and all falling damage is doubled while the spell lasts. That's 2d6 per 10' fallen, to a standard 20d6 damage terminal velocity. It doesn't make you fall twice as fast, of course: Émile René simply has to remind you only silly soft mages still think heavy things fall faster. Nah, the spell works by increasing the target's mass so it hits harder. And if you're wondering how in the laws of Nature's God you can change the mass of an object by talking at it, Emile Rene smiles because he really is that much smarter than you.

This use of Anvil fall cancels (and is cancelled by) feather fall.

The other way to use anvil fall is even more hilarious. This version simply grabs an anvil from the foundries of the Frédéric Mervis Armaments Manufacturing Joint-Stock Company, opens a local teleport, and drops it on someone's head. Reflex save or 6d6 bludgeon damage, bitches! Actually, make that 6d6+1 damage. It's a +1 anvil, get it, so lol to your damage resistance. In fact, if a silver, cold iron, or adamant anvil is what's really required here, there's a 5% chance per level (90% maximum) that this spell somehow finds an anvil which is the right tool for the job. Oh come on. What's next, wood anvils!? Absolutely! You're welcome.

How Émile René managed to get around the abjurations and lead shielding of Mervis' factories is a complete mystery, as is why Mervis tolerates inventory shrinkage by a spell whose formula is openly published "as a matter of the moral edification of our Republic's citizens". The anvil disappears once dropped, but not before making a very satisfying crash and a lasting impression on the floor.

Casting anvil fall is probably a chaotic and certainly a completely dickish act.