6 Days In Complete Darkness

[Ene Vinson]

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Imagine spending 5 days in full darkness being closed in small room (2x4 meters, including bathroom). Being there with no light, no internet, no gadgets, etc. This is my recent experience which I would like to share in this post.

Somehow it ended up that this year I hadn't yet any vacation. And I wasn't feeling like I have to have some despite 60-70 hours working week as an entrepreneur. Business is growing, we are in the middle of reorganizing the company and there is passion... There is a lot of work & stress, but passion & vision takes over.

It was July 2021 when I first heard about it. After thinking for few days I decided to sign up. It is called "darkness retreat" ("Pobyt v tme" in Slovak). There are several places where you can get it in Slovakia. I quite randomly picked one and registered for the first 7 days in October. Here is the one, where I was:

1. Not having any (high) expectations on it
2. Don't go there with any specific topic to work on or problem to solve
3. Be open for whatever comes out of it
4. Be open to admit to myself it was bad experience and not try to convince myself or others how mystical or whatever it was just because I already "wasted" time there
5. Be open to quit earlier if feel so and don't feel bad about it

Once arrived my guide (his name is Vlado) met me in retreat center. He walked me around and explained a bit what is going to happen in upcoming days. Then he brought lunch to my place and mentioned that I can switch the light off any time I'm ready.

My guide Vlado explained that it is better to switch light off using toggle switch instead of just switching off regularly because light switch was located quite close to air ventilation so there was a risk to incidentally turn the light on. So I did...

1. You don't know what time of the day/night it is
2. There is not much to do
3. The only event that happens in a day is guide coming and bringing you food. Sometimes guides come each day at different time by purpose to confuse you even more as a part of the practice, but wasn't my case. he was coming every day at the same time as he said with few minor deviations. When coming, he never mentioned what time it is

After lunch at first day I went to sleep. Having thoughts about it for quite some time my dreams then were also about the retreat. Not sure how long did I sleep but felt like 5-6 hours. When wake up, I was lying in a bed for some time and fall a sleep again. Over all in the first 3 days you sleep more there. Being fully in dark, your body produces more melatonin + you compensate for past when you didn't sleep so well.

It is interesting experience to wake up in full darkness. If you have dreams, for some time you still feel like you are in environment of that dream, and only after fully opening eyes and seeing nothing your realize and remember where you are.

1. You sleep a lot in first 3 days
2. You mess with time... Without having a clue what is outside sometimes you are active during night and sleep during a day. Rarely you can assume it is a day when hearing birds
3. Your physical activity is low

My guide, Vlado was super friendly guy. He was doing an introduction to me at day 1 and then every day he was coming in, bringing food, and having a small talk with me. On 4th day I decided to skip the talk (warned him a day before about it) so that day we didn't talk at all, what gave me 48 hours of being in full silence as well.

Worth separately mentioning how guide gets in... When the time comes, he knocks your door, after your confirmation you should close your eyes with hands, he enters the room and lets you know when you can open eyes. There is also a possibility to close a door between living room and entrance area when he is entering, but I wasn't doing so. I was asking him to keep the door open for few sec, so fresh air gets in.

1. Risk of writing on the same page twice
2. Mitigation: Fold left front corner of the page where you have already written, so by touching angle you can understand if page is used
3. Risk of writing in the same row
4. Mitigation: Use your finger or any straight object to move down the page when writing. I was using chocolate pack for it.

Since 1st of June 2020 I take only cold shower. As cold as I can get. Sometimes as an exception I wash my head in warm water, but body only in cold. There, to enrich my experience I decided to try again warm shower. I must say it is amazing experience after not having it for over 1 year. I truly enjoyed it.

Interesting observation though. When taking warm shower, you feel warm and relaxed, then you feel cold when going out. Also feeling cold when spending some time out and there is a higher chance to get cold / sick. When taking cold shower, you just feel tough ? . The hardest part happens in there, the rest is getting just better. So I still prefer cold one much more.

• Space is bigger when moving there in darkness. More things to explore
• Space is richer when you are bored. You realize details which usually don't see
• We don't see in darkness. Our eyes don't adjust to full darkness. If there is no light there is no chance you see even your hand 10cm from your eyes. (I was hoping, I will adapt after some time and see at least something)
• Food tastes better when you smell it before
• Cold showers are better than warm showers
• Objects don't talk to you after some time in there and different images in darkness is only product of your imagination. Both facts were mentioned as possible part of darkness retreat. I would recommend to talk to doctor if having one of these two ?
• In darkness you don't know how much tooth paste you put on brush, so put it into your mouth directly

• I'm more productive and focused in first half of the day
• I'm more creative in second half of the day and at night
• Almost any simple moment can be an amazing experience if take time to realize and experience it enough
• Food tastes great when eat consciously
• Your mind controls you more than you think, even on physical level
• Pace of your mind defines pace of your movement
• Try to concentrate on one thought for longer than 2 minutes. You will fail. Other thoughts will distract you
• If you die, everyone will manage. Everything will heal around faster than you think
• Being bored is amazing boost of creativity
• You can meditate also while moving not only when static

I decided to leave the retreat 2 days earlier. 1 day was suggested to me by my guide due to the fact that right the next day I supposed to go to a wedding abroad and as per him it might have been a big contrast. Second day I reduced by myself due to 2 reasons:

1. For me the biggest experience was in day 4 when I was meditating for 6 hours that day (longest 2 hours in row). After that day I didn't feel like I will take much more out that time
2. In darkness I remembered that I miss technical examination for my car without which I wouldn't be able to cross border

I woke up at 4 a.m. (as I found out later), carefully opened door. It was raining outside, so I couldn't go for a long walk. I seen some trees and other plants illuminated by lamp outside. It was sharp for eyes for the first time. I closed a door and tried to open it again slower. After few min I decided to try to turn the light on inside the house. It took me around 10 min to fully adjust to light. Afterwards I didn't see a big difference to regular morning reaction on light. All pictures were taken that last morning. At 5am I was already driving my car.

1. When great ideas were appearing in my mind I felt physical endorsement. I was standing up to exercise or take notes.
2. Some of the thoughts there were making me really sad / disappointed.

Great practice that Vlado told me is naming of thoughts and emotions. For example: "Now I feel happiness because of this fact..." or "Now I experience tiredness because of thinking of this topic"... If doing it for long enough you will learn to split your brain reactions from inner you. It can help you to be more relaxed and balanced even in tough situations

That's it. I tried to explain it on more practical level without diving deep into spiritual stuff which is very subjective. Would I experience it again? Yes, after some time. Also would like to experience it with my wife for shorter time, e.g. 2 days. Great way to focus on discussion.

I was not sure, initially, why I was interested in living in the dark. I had read of yogis spending years in complete darkness and psychologists running light deprivation studies but I guess, as a visual artist, I was interested in what I might see by not looking at anything at all. Little did I know that it would be the beginning of a rich creative journey.

With my sense of touch leading the way, making a cup of tea could easily take a good 45 minutes and walking across a room was a big event in and of itself. I suspect, to an outsider, my movements resembled those of a heavily sedated sloth but that was fine by me because, in contrast, anyone passing outside sounded like they were rushing around madly.

Over the days, this became so pronounced that the difference between noises from in and out of my skull blurred to the point that I could easily mistake the rush hour traffic for being inside my head.

I found that I did continue to see, but in the way that you see when images appear in dreams. The mornings were as black as the nights so it became easy to continue dreaming while awake and this lucid state was interesting because you got to watch the unconscious mind while still having a fairly clear sense of being awake.

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