Drunken Wrestlers 2 Unlimited Money

[Shinyoung Gedris]

Someamazing man or woman, past or present, who stands colossus-like atop the Big Keg, the ground below littered with crushed empties and the blacked-out carcasses of lesser beings? A verging demigod, whose prowess with a bottle leaves you shaking your head in pop-eyed adoration? Lots of us do.

In addition to their wrist-raising abilities, we deify great drinkers because they indulge their lust for intoxication while simultaneously operating at the peak of their powers in whatever their chosen profession. In other words, great drunks are also great writers, actors, athletes, scientists, statesmen, philosophers, and so on.

For two decades, from the late 1960s through the mid 1980s, Andre the Giant was the highest paid professional wrestler in the business and a household name across the globe. Promoters fought tooth and nail to book Andre, as his presence on a card all but guaranteed a sell-out. Fans cheered his every move, and mobbed him on the street as if he were a great big Beatle.

Vince Sr. pondered the situation and arrived at a novel solution. He wanted to keep the big man happy, so he bought a trailer and had it customized just for Andre. With plenty of room to spread out and relax, Andre could now travel in a semblance of comfort, which allowed him to do some serious boozing. During trips Andre consumed beer at the incredible rate of a case every ninety minutes, with bottles of vodka or top-rate French wine thrown in for variety.

A moment later, the two huge wrestlers attacked a pair of horse-drawn carriages. Dusty threw a handful of paper money at one driver while Andre hauled the other from his seat with one hand. While one driver cursed and the other scrabbled around on the ground collecting his windfall, Andre and Dusty thundered off in the carriages. They raced through the Manhattan streets, dodging cars and pedestrians for fifteen blocks before ditching the carriages and lathered horses a block from their hotel. By the time the cops arrived, Andre and Dusty were enjoying snifters of brandy in the hotel bar, appearing as innocent as angels. The next day, they main-evented another card at the Garden. Another sell-out. Two pros at the top of their games.

The shooting schedule required Andre to be in England for about a month. When his part wrapped, Andre checked out of his suite at the Hyatt in London and flew back to his ranch in North Carolina. His bar bill for the month-long stay?

Giants are not made long for this world, and toward the end of his life injuries and health problems caused by the acromegaly caught up with Andre. It became difficult just to walk, let alone wrestle, so he retired to his North Carolina ranch to drink wine and watch the countryside. He declined myriad requests for a comeback, despite promises of lavish payoffs. He was simply in too much pain to perform at the level he demanded of himself. Then he received a call from Vince McMahon Jr.

And thus was a solution found. The gas-passer was able to extrapolate a correct mixture for Andre by analyzing his alcohol intake. It was a medical breakthrough, and the system is still used to this day.

Two liters of vodka. Warm and fuzzy. Side by side like that, the two sentences hardly make any sense. For most of us, two liters of vodka means a one-way ticket to Blackout Island aboard the good ship Regurgitania.

After Wrestlemania, Andre retired for good. His beloved father died in 1993 and Andre returned to France to be with his family. He was still there when, on January 26th, 1993, Andre died in his sleep of heart failure at the age of 47.

WWE's Money In The Bank ladder match would have been an excellent addition to World Championship Wrestling. Plenty of WCW's mid-card stars could have used the stipulation to rise to the main event. And even if they didn't win, there are still plenty of WCW wrestlers who would have been amazing to see wrestle in a MITB match on Starrcade or any other pay-per-view.

Former WCW World Champions could also use this stipulation to get back into title contention. Imagine how nervous Hollywood Hogan and the New World Order would feel with Mr. Money In The Bank running wild on Monday Nitro.

"Latino Heat" Eddie Guerrero has never competed in a MITB match, but he's wrestled in multiple ladder matches in WWE and one in WCW. While Guerrero remained a midcarder with World Championship Wrestling, Money In The Bank could have been his ticket to the top. Even in defeat, Guerrero's performance in the match could catch the attention of WCW's top brass, leading to a big-time push.

Eddie Guerrero's only WCW ladder match was against Syxx at nWo Souled Out 1997. Despite the New World Order being in charge of the pay-per-view, Latino Heat still managed to defeat the former 123 Kid to retain his United States Championship. In WWE, Eddie's most notable ladder match as a singles wrestler was against Rey Mysterio for the custody of Dominik at SummerSlam 2005. As a tag team wrestler, Guerrero's most notable ladder match in WWE took place at Judgment Day 2003. At that event, Guerrero and Tajiri captured the WWE Tag Team Titles from Team Angle.

Rey Mysterio has competed in numerous ladder matches in WWE, including last year's men's MITB match. But it would simply be incredible to see a young Rey Mysterio, Jr., battle the stars of WCW in a multi-man ladder match. Mysterio would be able to mix it up with both the cruiserweights and the heavyweights in an intense battle for a chance to face the WCW World Champion at any time for up to one year.

Last year, at age 45, Mysterio wrestled in two ladder matches, including one against Andrade for the US Championship on the 1/20/2020 episode of Raw. As a middle-aged man, Mysterio is still able to pull off entertaining matches. Just imagine how exciting it'd be to watch Rey Rey wrestle in a MITB match to follow up his classic against Guerrero at Halloween Havoc 1997.

The Man of 1,004 Holds is the kayfabe creator of the Money In The Bank ladder match. However, Chris Jericho has never been able to win a MITB match. Despite that fact, it'd be amazing for all the Jericholics to see the young Lionheart take part in a multi-man ladder match in World Championship Wrestling.

Jericho wouldn't likely win MITB in WCW, much as he didn't win MITB at WrestleMania 21 or 24. In total, Y2J has competed in five MITB matches, including the 2010, 2012, and 2016 editions of the Money In The Bank pay-per-view. However, Jericho doesn't need to win to look like a star.

As long as he didn't come out with his drunken wrestler gimmick, Scott Hall would have been absolute gold in a MITB match. As Razor Ramon, Hall made the ladder match famous in his classic encounter with HBK at WrestleMania X. As a sober-minded wrestler, there is reason to believe that Hall would be an excellent addition to any WCW MITB ladder match.

Hall fought in a few ladder matches with World Championship Wrestling. Perhaps most famously, he lost to Goldberg in a Stun Gun Ladder Match at WCW Souled Out 1999. In November '99, Kevin Nash would provide Hall the ultimate assist in winning the United States Championship in a fatal four-way ladder match on an episode of Nitro.

As Mr. Money In The Bank, Scott Hall could finally break through to a world title reign. Considering he's one of the most influential wrestlers of the 1990s, Hall would certainly deserve a run with the Big Gold Belt. This also could have been a great redemption story to Hall's alcoholic gimmick akin to Jeff Hardy's 2012 TNA World Title run.

Ooh yeah! Macho Madness would be fantastic to infuse in a WCW MITB match. If Randy Savage is still with the nWo, this would definitely increase tensions in the group if Hollywood Hogan is WCW World Champion. Savage as Mr. Money In The Bank would have been an interesting storyline to follow.

Savage would not only put on an entertaining performance in a hypothetical multi-man WCW ladder match, but he would also have a good chance of winning considering his success as a main event player. The WCW fans would more than accept Savage as the winner and would pop big time if he were to cash in on Hogan.

Sting is another main-event-level performer who would have shined in a MITB ladder match. Considering his rivalry with Hogan and the nWo, Sting being Mr. Money In The Bank would definitely increase the tension and fans would rejoice once The Icon finally cashes in on his late '90s nemesis.

Even though The Stinger could have arguably put on a better in-ring performance during his younger days as Surfer Sting, The Crow version would have been the best option as Mr. Money In The Bank. Imagine Sting lurking in the shadows with the MITB briefcase, biding his time to cash in on Hollywood Hogan or anyone unlucky enough to be holding the title when Sting strikes.

Win or lose, Sting would greatly increase the drama and fan excitement for Money In The Bank. Members of the nWo would likely rush to the ring and do their best to prevent him from retrieving the briefcase.

Booker T would be an awesome addition to a WCW MITB ladder match in both the '90s and early 2000s. Though he was unsuccessful in winning the MITB ladder match at WrestleMania 23, Booker would have fared better in his prime with World Championship Wrestling.

In the '90s, Booker T wouldn't likely win the match, but he'd still have the potential to steal the show. He'd add another layer of excitement to the drama of a multi-man war with ladders. In the early '00s, Booker T would be more than ready to hold the MITB briefcase. And champions like Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner would be more than nervous with Booker around as Mr. Money In The Bank.

WCW seriously dropped the ball with Bret Hart during his time with the promotion. However, the Hitman could have seriously rebounded as Mr. Money In The Bank. Hart was still able to entertain the fans with his in-ring work, it was the booking side of his character that was lacking. With the MITB briefcase, Hart could pick up steam once more on his way to the WCW World Heavyweight Championship.

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