Fwd: BCS marathon Final Draft

[Samantha Dunlop]

Hey ladies!

Attached is the application Kelly has done for the BCS Charity Partner Application. If you have some free time please read over it and let us know any feedback you have! You can see what she wrote below- she has worked on it with her dad! I'm sure it's great I just want to make sure all the bases are covered and that it truly represents what CARPOOL needs. The application is due this Friday. 

Thank you! 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Wiswell, Kelly Nicole <k3l...@neo.tamu.edu>
Date: Wed, Mar 20, 2013 at 5:37 PM
Subject: BCS marathon Final Draft
To: Andrew Carruth <1cpad...@gmail.com>, "Cyno...@tamu.edu" <cyno...@tamu.edu>, "acorn20...@googlegroups.com" <acorn20...@googlegroups.com>, Samantha Dunlop <samantha...@gmail.com>


Howdy everyone,

This is my final draft of the BCS marathon $25,000 Charity Partner Application.
I have made a few additional edits and have gone over this several times with my dad. Please let me know if you have any comments or criticisms. It is due Friday and I am comfortable with turning this in.
We are not the type of organization that the BCS Marathon typically picks for this, however I think we stand a fighting chance.

It must be e-mailed to or post marked by this Friday. I am waiting for the okay to send it!

Kelly

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Samantha Dunlop
CARPOOL Director of Fundraising
Texas A&M 2013
469) 952-7355

[Liz Hill]

I like it! The only area I think could use some improvement is at the end when she mentioned Driven. What purpose does that serve? Is she saying we'll promote the marathon at Driven or just showing that we also having a running event? Really not a big deal, just being a tad nitpicky on it. Otherwise I think it looks awesome!

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Elizabeth Hill

CARPOOL Deputy Director of Fundraising

Texas A&M University '13

806)-647-6035

[Sarah Swinney Williams]

Sorry for my late response! So I like it too. I think I get what she's doing with the DRIVEN plug. I think it's good because we also hold a race, which shows we promote health outside of facilitating safe rides home. It also allows the BCS marathon another promotional tool, as in if they donate, we would most likely give them the opportunity to push their marathon at ours. 

It's really well done!

Sarah Swinney

CARPOOL | Deputy Director of Fundraising

Texas A&M University '14

[Robert Welzbacher]

This looks awesome. I love the first paragraph in particular. 

Only a few things because I hate to be nit picky, but I want us to get this real bad. 

1) In explaining what we can do for the BCS marathon, I would consider removing some of the things about being a platinum sponsor (i.e. 6th paragraph last sentence). I think that we can focus more on what we can do for them rather then what we give them. 

2) Let's mention that we can help with any logistics of the event. We have a large asset in the membership and if necessary we could help them in the setup and facilitation of the event. In addition to the water station which we have done so far. 

Glad the committee thing worked out, but I wish I had heard about it so that I could chip in. Great work nonetheless. 

On Thu, Mar 21, 2013 at 9:44 AM, Andrew Carruth <1cpad...@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi Kelly,
I am sorry I have not been able to get back to you before this with suggested edits to your previous draft. I'm attaching your document with a few comments. These are just things I see that might help the application. At this point though, you are welcome to use them or not. I'm OK with either way. Let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you so much for all of your hard work on this. I know you are passionate about this and I think that really comes through in your writing. I hope that this finds you doing well. Have a wonderful day!

Andrew P. Carruth '04

CARPOOL Advisor
Department of Student Activities
Texas A&M University

On Wed, Mar 20, 2013 at 5:37 PM, Wiswell, Kelly Nicole <k3l...@neo.tamu.edu> wrote:

Howdy everyone,

This is my final draft of the BCS marathon $25,000 Charity Partner Application.
I have made a few additional edits and have gone over this several times with my dad. Please let me know if you have any comments or criticisms. It is due Friday and I am comfortable with turning this in.
We are not the type of organization that the BCS Marathon typically picks for this, however I think we stand a fighting chance.

It must be e-mailed to or post marked by this Friday. I am waiting for the okay to send it!

Kelly

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Rob Welzbacher

Vice Chair of External Affairs - C.A.R.P.O.O.L 

Texas A&M University - University Studies

Class of 2012
210-882-2044

[Samantha Dunlop]

Kelly,

I have had a chance to look over your work and overall it looks great! I have a little bit of feedback from myself and my deps!

When you mention Driven may be put a little more explanation into why you are mentioning it. I think it is good to mention because it gives us an opportunity to promote the BCS Marathon at our event or Sarah was saying if they sponsored then we would be promoting them via shirts, etc. Just maybe explain this connection a little bit more so that it is clear as to why it is being mentioned. 

I love that you added the information about the house. It sounds really good and would really be a great use of the funds. You could go into a little more detail as to why our current house is not really up to par just to give more insight. 

I agree with what Rob said about the sponsorship level- honestly, the sponsorship levels are not utilized as much as they should be. There is no way to be consistent because we have turnover every year so it could be a good idea to focus more on what we can do for them since some of the things that we promise in the sponsorship levels can (and have in the past) been overlooked. 

Let me know once you've had a chance to take into account everyone's input and send out a final, final copy before you submit!

Thank you,

Samantha 

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