further thoughts on stone
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Corey Alexander
Oct 10, 2009, 8:20:16 PM10/10/09
to Corey Alexander Classes
Last month, I posted something in my blog that I thought might
interest the folks who have been in my stone classes:
http://tgstonebutch.livejournal.com/1001267.html.
I'm going to grab a few excerpts and put them here.
On Definitions
"In My sense of things, and My knowledge base, stone is an identity,
as well as a lived experience. In My classes on stone I talk about the
ways that stone can mean many different things to each individual who
identifies that way (often one of these, if not a combination of more
than one: emotional armor/stoicism, limits on touch/penetration, being
a sexual top, end of the spectrum masculinity, a bodily experience of
violation with [certain kinds of] touch, a form of sexual expression
where the other person’s body is the center), but that I am focusing
on a definition of stone as a sexual orientation where pleasure/desire
is centered on another person’s body and experience. I will also add
that stone does not equal having sexual/kink boundaries or limits; in
My mind, everyone has those, and having them does not make you stone."
On Causes:
"A lot of folks are interested in *why* people are stone, and write
about the roots of stone identity, often locating it in trauma. I’m
not sure that talking about *why* people are stone is useful (just as
I doubt the usefulness of identifying *why* people are queer,
fetishize boots, or get off on causing pain). I see that kind of
discussion as coming from/being stuck in a sense of certain sexual
expressions as “normal” or “right”, and I try not to work from that
kind of framework.
On what we get out of stone sex:
I do think it's useful to engage with the idea that people get
different things out of stone sexual expression, though. Stones get
lots of different things out of stone sexual expression: pleasure,
connection, embodiment, safety, orgasm, energetic exchange, control,
intimacy, service, the joy of pleasing another, just to name a few.
Our partners get more than just orgasms/pleasure out of it too; the
same things apply, and more, in addition to the focused attention of
someone whose desire is being refracted through your body. I will say
this; put together someone who gets off on strong reactions that is
vested and skilled in reading and creating responses with someone who
gets off on attention, focus, sensation and expressing/communicating
intense responses, and you have an amazingly hot time."
On topping and energy:
"As a top, I don’t experience stone sexuality as “giving” without
receiving (though often that is what people think of); it’s an
exchange, and a whole one, with giving and receiving both happening
for both/all people involved. I definitely experience it as an
energetic exchange, give and take. I had to learn how to channel
energy into and through Myself and back out into the other folks I was
playing with/fucking…and it was hard to do. Because it was receiving
energy, and that did not feel good (I can say that in my experience,
many stone folks find it difficult/don’t enjoy receiving many things
in sex/play, including sensation, attention/focus, energy, gaze, as
well as sexual receptivity/bottoming). It was difficult to experience
receiving energy on a purely bodily level; it felt wrong in My body. I
had to learn to take it in and push it out, to think of myself as part
of a circuit, and hold on to the idea that I was not going to keep it
or store it for Myself but push it back out again...Often, I am
penetrating someone as a top in a way that does not involve hands or
cock, but can be energetic, and can be energy channeled through a tool
or object. I can fuck every inch of someone's skin, and create a whole
and complete sexual experience from that. That feels like something
rooted in My stone sexual identity; because of how My sexuality works,
not only can I fuck someone's skin with My knife or My boot, but I can
come from fucking them that way, and if I'm in tune and they are in
the headspace for it, can make them come as well. Hot incredible sex
can happen that doesn't involve anyone's bits...to Me, that is stone
sex for sure."
Thoughts? Responses?
interest the folks who have been in my stone classes:
http://tgstonebutch.livejournal.com/1001267.html.
I'm going to grab a few excerpts and put them here.
On Definitions
"In My sense of things, and My knowledge base, stone is an identity,
as well as a lived experience. In My classes on stone I talk about the
ways that stone can mean many different things to each individual who
identifies that way (often one of these, if not a combination of more
than one: emotional armor/stoicism, limits on touch/penetration, being
a sexual top, end of the spectrum masculinity, a bodily experience of
violation with [certain kinds of] touch, a form of sexual expression
where the other person’s body is the center), but that I am focusing
on a definition of stone as a sexual orientation where pleasure/desire
is centered on another person’s body and experience. I will also add
that stone does not equal having sexual/kink boundaries or limits; in
My mind, everyone has those, and having them does not make you stone."
On Causes:
"A lot of folks are interested in *why* people are stone, and write
about the roots of stone identity, often locating it in trauma. I’m
not sure that talking about *why* people are stone is useful (just as
I doubt the usefulness of identifying *why* people are queer,
fetishize boots, or get off on causing pain). I see that kind of
discussion as coming from/being stuck in a sense of certain sexual
expressions as “normal” or “right”, and I try not to work from that
kind of framework.
On what we get out of stone sex:
I do think it's useful to engage with the idea that people get
different things out of stone sexual expression, though. Stones get
lots of different things out of stone sexual expression: pleasure,
connection, embodiment, safety, orgasm, energetic exchange, control,
intimacy, service, the joy of pleasing another, just to name a few.
Our partners get more than just orgasms/pleasure out of it too; the
same things apply, and more, in addition to the focused attention of
someone whose desire is being refracted through your body. I will say
this; put together someone who gets off on strong reactions that is
vested and skilled in reading and creating responses with someone who
gets off on attention, focus, sensation and expressing/communicating
intense responses, and you have an amazingly hot time."
On topping and energy:
"As a top, I don’t experience stone sexuality as “giving” without
receiving (though often that is what people think of); it’s an
exchange, and a whole one, with giving and receiving both happening
for both/all people involved. I definitely experience it as an
energetic exchange, give and take. I had to learn how to channel
energy into and through Myself and back out into the other folks I was
playing with/fucking…and it was hard to do. Because it was receiving
energy, and that did not feel good (I can say that in my experience,
many stone folks find it difficult/don’t enjoy receiving many things
in sex/play, including sensation, attention/focus, energy, gaze, as
well as sexual receptivity/bottoming). It was difficult to experience
receiving energy on a purely bodily level; it felt wrong in My body. I
had to learn to take it in and push it out, to think of myself as part
of a circuit, and hold on to the idea that I was not going to keep it
or store it for Myself but push it back out again...Often, I am
penetrating someone as a top in a way that does not involve hands or
cock, but can be energetic, and can be energy channeled through a tool
or object. I can fuck every inch of someone's skin, and create a whole
and complete sexual experience from that. That feels like something
rooted in My stone sexual identity; because of how My sexuality works,
not only can I fuck someone's skin with My knife or My boot, but I can
come from fucking them that way, and if I'm in tune and they are in
the headspace for it, can make them come as well. Hot incredible sex
can happen that doesn't involve anyone's bits...to Me, that is stone
sex for sure."
Thoughts? Responses?
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