Purposefully Not Using Compassionate Communication

[JP Sears]

Hi Everyone,

Recently I was having a session with a client who I've been working with for a few years now.  Its my opinion that in this time the client has become an absolute wizard at using compassionate communication, he's be black belt status!

In our recent session I asked him to stop using all compassionate communication language, strategies, etc., for two weeks.  The question I'd like to pose here is, "What possible therapeutic benefit would you imagine may come from him abandoning the compassionate communication strategies for a chunk of time?"

I would love to hear any thoughts your mind or imagination can share!

JP

[Richard Krzyzanowski]

Interesting. I've actually been considering this recently. I've come to the conclusion that in becoming so mindful of how we communicate that we can only communicate commpassionately, it may cause a sense of dettachment from self. What I mean by that is maybe if we only communicate compassionately, maybe we stop "keeping it real", so to speak.

My question is, "what if my Self doesn't want to communicate compassionately today?" What if my true form of comminication today is a violent one? Wouldn't it be more present of me to acknowledge that fact and maybe communicate like the asshole that I am? What if it feels right for me to go around telling people they are ugly and stupid because my inner five year old is feeling hurt and that's what he wants to do today? Would it be a shame to stifle him in that way? Would it be a shame to lose my service to my Self in order to serve others? Is it possible that compassionate communication can be another straight jacket of control that we force upon ourselves?

So, to answer your question, JP, I think that it is possible that your client may find a greater sense of connection with Self if he stops communicating compassionately for a while.

I'm curious what everyone else thinks about this!

Peace and Love,
Rich

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[Sonya C Anderson]

Hey Everyone,

I think your client will find less connection with himself but more connection with others. My experience has been that I know myself much better and am in a better place mentally (because I am not taking on everyone's baggage) but I am surrounded by violent communicators.  Let me know how the "experiment" goes.

Sonya

[Gabrielle Adam]

From my perspective, it would allow the "non-compassionate" part to be voiced.  For me, I feel that a part of me is seduced in using compassionate communication to be agreeable and have others like me.  A part of me feels it would be very liberating to not censor what I say like if someone is yelling at me instead of saying "if I'm hearing you correctly..." and just yell back. Sometimes it just feels good to punch back.

That's the way I see the world today.

Gaby

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Date: Fri, 14 Sep 2012 15:43:00 -0700
Subject: {Compassionate Communication}47 Purposefully Not Using Compassionate Communication
From: j...@holistichealthandfitness.com
To: compassionate...@googlegroups.com

[Darwin Ruiz]

Interesting question, JP.  What I noticed recently in my own experience was that in an effort to communicate compassionately, I forgot to voice my own emotions.  In other words, I was able to really listen to what the other was saying, and noticed my inclination towards wanting to defend myself and make the other wrong about certain points.  

What I realized was that in doing so, I denied the space to voice my own feelings.  I think it might be an easy mistake to make to think that compassionate communication means there is no room for primal, visceral experiencing of whatever we're feeling....even if it means allowing for violent communication. 

Also, perhaps by communicating in a non-compassionate way we can take away lessons about how to move closer to a compassionate space when the next opportunity arises.  Learning from our "failures" as much as from our "successes"....so to speak.

Darwin

_______________

Darwin Ruiz

Holistic Health and Fitness Trainer

(832) 283-2448

darwin...@gmail.com

[JP Sears]

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts about the benefit of stepping away from the language of compassionate communication for this client.  All of what I've read is pretty true and relevant from my vantage point.  

It seems as though what we use to find our self will become a method of losing our self if we become too attached to it.  With this client it seemed to be that he had fallen into the losing himself side of it all where his language was that of a Zen Swan, yet he was becoming less authentic.  Similar to how a person may start a meditation practice and it works well to help them connect with themselves, if the tool of meditation is attached to too rigidly, then it sooner or later becomes a tool that pry's them apart from themselves.

For me it is a powerful reminder that the tool of compassionate communication is just a tool meant to connect us with our own heart and the heart's of others.  

Wishing everyone a lovely weekend!

JP