Compassionate Communication Model / Beyond Self-Sabotage Self Help Form

[shelley.a.quinn]

Hi All, I just wanted to jot this topic down, because I think I'd like to compare/contrast sort of thing these two models. I personally, so far, have different reactions to each process.  Would love to hear your takes on the two... And if there's another process that you've been using (maybe that I'm forgetting about?)

Other thoughts:
I feel
unprepared for this course (just like the other courses)
yet
will pretend for the fun of it
that I can see a road ahead of me
and probably most likely
be surprised!!

Shelley

[JP Sears]

I'm looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on the two models Shelley!
JP

[Shelley Quinn]

Hi!

So I just wanted to share my feelings on these two forms of self talk that seems to help me get down to the nitty gritty of some issues.  I get a kick out of analyzing myself.  Self-voyeurism, probably?

So I started using the Beyond Self-Sabotage Self Help Form casually, almost like a magic 8 ball, but maybe more serious than silly.
I was intrigued everytime I followed through the questions, especially "How old does the part of you with these feelings seem?"  In fact, I was always in a way, happy and excited to get to this question, like a Christmas present, but always very wary of the surprise emotions it would bring.
The last question, " What words of compassionate nurturing does this part of you crave to hear?"  always seems to stump me.  Please, JP, please, can you create a class on Compassionate Nurturing Words??  Yah, not so natural for me.  I manage to say something, but I do feel at a loss, like what I say is not good enough, but at least I say something.
Oh, and pretty much always, I cry.

So this whole form brings me through a sort of ride.

(Originally I started using the form before going to bed, like a nightly prayer, like when I was a kid, ya know?)

Now I like to go for a long walk, and ask myself each question, and allow myself to answer.  Sort of like this:

regarding Questions : first I have to remember it, then I focus, then I watch myself lose focus, then I remember the question again, then I answer it and move on to the next step.
I find that my answers seem to be a step ahead of the next question, if that makes any sense.  So when answering the following questions, I review my previous answer and try to dig deeper anyways,
thus,
causing me to lose focus again, catch myself again, and gently bring myself to continue
When I get to the emotional healing part, I seem to get a tingly sensation of renewal or release?
then I feel a little calmer, maybe tired, or maybe numb

Overall, I enjoy this long form for spending time with myself.  I always feel like I accomplished a little somethin' and can carry it with me in my life.


For the new one, the Compassionate Communication Model, I experience it in this way.

Only after listening to the mother talk about her issue with her 4yr daughter the other day and her walking through the process with JP did I really get struck.  With this mother, (sorry I don't remember your name right now, but thankyou!!!) I walked through a similar scenario with my 4yr old boy.

I found I was more emotionally triggered and crying sooner than expected.

(oh, I must make an example homework of that issue, so I can see from my little boy's eyes. Yikes!)

I think this Model is extremely useful for me. Kind of works quickly to get to the roots.   Really practical tool to use immediately, even in the heat of the moment, whereas the BSS Self-Help Form, for me, is more like a meditation, very private and personal, perhaps secret.


From the two, I am starting to see how I could use these questions when working with clients. But only a little bit, because I am still having trouble getting my clients to "that" place.
I accidentally took my mother through the BSS Self-Help Form, and felt freaked out by her healing response.  I felt like I left her hangin' and that maybe I said the wrong things.  But I'm sure she managed herself just fine.  (A side story is, a week later after talking with me, she was faced with burglers in her home, which threw her back into a very protective and traumatized state.  It was interesting to hear that she wanted to be comforted after that, but unfortunately, she complained she got no comfort from anyone, but I know she has not cultivated physical affection from her family in the past,so I'm not surprised, but am surprised that she wanted a hug at all, that sounds like a good response, actually)
I managed to take my 4yr old through this process, too, out of curiosity.  Well, I had to translate it into kidspeak, and I was very frightened by the discovery with his issue with food.  I have been very careful of teaching him how gluten hurts his body.  We check for "policeman poopies", we question "is it gluten free?" before accepting food from someone.  So to find out, starting from the desire to eat blueberries before bedtime that he is upset by whether the food is gluten free or not was disturbing.  He even was crying at the end of this process.  I just cuddled him, and thought, "here I am traumatizing my son left and right, and i made a vow that I'd never be the cause of his trauma"

That's all for now.  I might add another layer soon-ish.  Not sure how balanced this entry is, but not too worried about that.  Just wanted to get my thoughts out while I was in the mood.

Would love to learn your takes on the two forms and how your are integrating them into your life.

Love (a word that always makes me stop and question "do I")
Shelley

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[JP Sears]

Hi Shelley,

I enjoyed learning from your contemplative comparison of the two models.  My perspective about your perspective is that it seems you're saying that the commonality of the two models is that they're each a tool to help us open the gate and access our inner selves.  And the difference would be in how they open the gate.  This certainly being an over summarization of of how I heard your words...Does it sound like I've heard you half way correctly?

Thanks Shelley,

JP 

[Shelley Quinn]

Hey JP,

Yes, gosh that sounds like what I said, but all cleaned up.  And maybe to add that I am learning how each tool should be respected and honored ?(though I've been a bit playful)

Thanks for your time,
Shelley

[shelley.a.quinn]

Hey Everyone,
I thought I'd share my "experiment".  I recorded myself going through the Self-Help form on a Monday morning after a tough time.
You don't have to watch, but for myself, I am finding video recording useful!  I can see my body and expressions, and hear my words from a different perspective while watching.  Is this narcissistic of me?
As I watch, it's interesting to catch myself judging myself, then trying to accept myself.
You might get some more input (especially if you're having a difficult time clarifying elements of your sabateur) if you videotape yourself, so I encourage everyone to try sometime.
Grrr, in the form of a question:
Would you be willing to record yourself going through the self-help form, then listen to it with an open heart?

http://youtu.be/fY5mCZmsJps

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